


Firebound

by someryn



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 05:43:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 67,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15575022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someryn/pseuds/someryn
Summary: After the battle with the newborns, Bella stumbles into an entirely new destiny. She'd thought she'd already made all the hard decisions. Now she doesn't know if her world is falling apart or finally falling together. Bella/Jared





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted from ffnet, since this fic is now complete.
> 
> This is something a little different, and it was inspired a little by the fic imPerfect Love, which got me interested in the character of Jared, and also in writing something a little darker. I also liked having a different deviation point (Eclipse timeline rather than New Moon timeline) than a lot of fics.
> 
> Though I think it will be obvious from early on, the key deviation before this fic begins is that Jared never imprinted on Kim, and that fact impacts his character and decisions, both before this fic begins and going forward. Otherwise everything else is the same up until the aftermath of the newborn battle.
> 
> Also, please forgive any timeline discrepancies on the events of Eclipse! I already know there are a few, but I didn't really want to go back and read it to make sure the events match up perfectly timeline-wise. If there's anything I can easily fix that's annoying you, feel free to let me know, and anything that isn't fixable just take as authorial license. :)
> 
> On that note, enjoy!

As Edward and Seth destroyed what remained of Victoria's body, Bella's heart felt like it was being split in two.

_Jacob Jacob Jacob._

He was hurt. Because of her.

She hated herself for that. It seemed like every day she managed to find a new way to hurt her best friend.

Once nothing recognizable was left in the flames, Edward turned to her, where she was standing numbly in the middle of the clearing. Concern filled his eyes as he reached for a bandage, but Bella pushed his hands aside. He obligingly let them fall to his side, though of course only because he let her.

Before he'd left her he never would have allowed her even to make the decision to remain hurt on her own. She was grateful for that, as ridiculous as it seemed to be grateful to be allowed to make her own decisions. Even if they were ridiculous, they were hers.

" _No_ ," she said sharply. "Take me to Jake. Now."

"Bella," Edward said gently. "They're about to take him away, back to La Push."

She didn't care. "Then move fast."

He examined her expression, and then finally nodded, his face grim. He would never understand what Jake meant to her. She didn't care. She didn't need him to understand; she just needed him to help her.

She was suddenly moving through the forest, faster than Edward had ever carried her before. The open wound on her arm throbbed as the rushing cold wind hit it, but she welcomed the sensation. Jake was in pain. This was the smallest price possible, to feel a fraction of the pain she knew he must feel.

If she could have done it, she wondered what price she would have paid to save him. She had been the source, after all, breaking his heart in not exactly one fell swoop, but in little pieces as she fought her own building love for him and ultimately made the decision she thought maybe she always knew she would make.

If she could go back and chosen to walk away from Edward when they'd first met, could she have done it? Was Jacob's happiness, or even his life, worth more than her life with Edward?

She thought it probably was, but she wasn't sure what to do with that conclusion. She didn't deserve Jake. She'd always thought that, but now she was certain.

Edward set her on her feet before she realized they had reached the clearing. Her eyes immediately shot to Jake's crumpled human form on the ground. He was writhing in pain as Sam, Leah, and Embry knelt around him, and Bella felt her chest clench in reflected agony.

Edward stepped away from her and turned to Alice, whose expression was tense with concern. A little girl who was clearly a newborn vampire was standing near Esme uncertainly. Bella could tell from Alice's lips moving that she was speaking, but it was too quiet for Bella to hear. Bella hated it when the Cullens did that.

Jake groaned, and her attention was instantaneously back on him. _"_ _Jake_ ," she gasped.

He and the other pack members were crouched at the edge of the forest, and she tripped over a tree root as she ran toward him. Her hands flew out automatically, bracing for impact with years of experience.

But before her knees could hit the ground, a strong hand was clasped around her upper arm, pulling her easily back upright. His skin was so hot she could feel it through her long-sleeved shirt.

She glanced up in surprise, and it took her a heartbeat to recognize Jared, the wolf she had seen the least since the day she'd met the pack.

He was staring down at her, concern in his deep hazel eyes. She had a sudden, shocking sense of realization that while she thought Jake was the most beautiful boy in the pack, Jared was undeniably the most handsome.

"Thanks, Jared," she said softly after too long a pause. She was utterly disgusted with herself for thinking of him like _that_ , with the two men she loved not each fifty feet away from her.

His hand was still on her arm, and she couldn't bring herself to pull away. She didn't really want to. Something about the way he was looking at her made her stomach twist oddly, like her world was sort of shifting around her. Jared's eyes were trained on her face, and he opened his mouth—

—and Jacob cried out again loudly, agony clear in his voice.

Wrenching her arm free from Jared, Bella turned and sprinted toward Jake, ignoring the odd feeling of discomfort pulling away from Jared brought her. Guilt for being rude, she thought. But she was sure Jared would understand.

Jake's cry had clearly come because Carlisle was kneeling next to him now, gently tracing the skin on top of the bones on his legs, ribcage, and arms that were clearly broken. Bella fought down a wave of nausea at the sight of the bulges under his skin.

"Oh, _Jake_ ," she said helplessly. She pushed between Sam and Leah, not caring if they were annoyed with her, and knelt beside her best friend's head. She stroked a lock of hair off of his sweaty forehead. It was getting long again; she needed to cut it.

One day soon she wouldn't be able to do simple things like that for Jake ever again. She'd be dead to him.

His eyes fluttered open. "Bells," he muttered. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes filled with tears. Always thinking of her.

Leah grumbled something next to her that she couldn't make out, but Bella probably didn't want to.

"Yeah, Jake," she said, choking down a sob. "But you aren't."

"He will heal," Carlisle murmured, meeting Bella's gaze sympathetically, as if she were the one hurt. "But it will be painful."

His eyes moved past her across Jake's prone form to Sam, and the other man nodded grimly.

Then Alice's sharp, clear voice cut across them all. "Two minutes, Carlisle!" she said urgently.

Everyone else seemed to know what Alice was talking about, and Sam, Embry, and Quil lifted Jake's body easily among them. "I will be there as soon as I can finish this," Carlisle told the boys quietly. "You must leave, though. We must not have the Volturi seeing you."

Sam nodded, and Carlisle reached into his pocket and handed Sam a car key. "He needs to stay as still as possible," Carlisle said. "Driving him will be best."

Sam hesitated, and then finally nodded. "Quil, Embry, Seth, take him home. The rest of us will stay back to observe."

Bella finally found her voice. "I'm going, too."

Multiple pairs of eyes fixated on her, and Edward hurried to her, stopping a few feet from her as the wolves around her started growling softly. He shot them a disgusted look. "Bella, surely you can see Jacob later," he said pleadingly to her. "There's nothing you can do for Jacob right now. He needs time to heal."

As if he truly cared about Jake's well-being and not just keeping her away from him.

"Bella, I'm not sure that's wise," Carlisle added. "Jane and the others are almost here."

She held up her arm. The bleeding from the gash had slowed to a trickle, but thick trails of blood covered her skin from her inner elbow to her wrist. She was surprised to feel no nausea upon seeing it. There were too many more important things to focus on.

"Tell them I was hurt and had to leave," she said. "It's not a lie. They're going to know from my blood that I'm human still, anyway."

She caught a brief flash of surprise on Edward's face. He hadn't expected her to argue. But she didn't waver. She needed to be there for Jake, to be with the wolves right now.

Edward looked like he was about to protest again, but she glanced at Sam, whose permission was the only one she actually needed.

"Go, then," Sam told her. "But go now."

Bella nodded and without looking back jogged after the other boys as they carried Jake toward Carlisle's SUV that she could see parked not far away, keeping her eyes on the ground so she didn't trip again.

She felt before she saw someone stepping forward to meet her and knew it would be Jared before she glanced sideways at him.

He handed her a small plastic square. She looked down to see it was a wound astringent. "To clean it," he said unnecessarily, gesturing to her arm. His eyes were intense again as she stared up at him, and she had that odd feeling again of losing track of time while they stared at each other.

Then Sam was calling sharply for the rest of the pack to phase and return to the woods. Bella jolted out of her daze, reluctantly dragging her eyes away from Jared. Before she could think of something to say to fill the silence, the wolf gave her one last unreadable look, and then turned and jogged back toward the forest.

Embry had already shifted the SUV into drive when she ran the rest of the way toward it and threw open the back door. Seth had somehow managed to squeeze himself into the back row, so Bella slid into the middle row where Jake was curled up and gently lifted his head and rested it in her lap as she sat down.

"Bells," he whispered hoarsely again, staring up at her with unfocused eyes. She rested her hand on his cheek and noticed that his skin felt even hotter than usual.

"Jake, shh," she said as Embry peeled out on the road. She bit down on a gasp as the tires squealed, reminding herself that they had werewolf reflexes. "We're taking you home."

Jake nodded and closed his eyes again, seemingly exhausted from their simple conversation.

"What'd Jared give you, Bells?" Quil asked, twisting around in the passenger seat to look at her.

"Oh." She twisted to pull the little plastic packet out of her jeans and held it up to him.

Quil blinked in surprise. "Did he go to the leeches to get that?" he asked.

She paused in fumbling it open. How _had_ he gotten it? It wasn't like the wolves carried first aid kits around with them while they were phased. "I don't know. I guess."

Embry hit a pothole in the dirt road, and Quil's attention returned to the road. Jake groaned. "Sorry, Jake, sorry," Embry said apologetically.

Bella wiped her arm clean with the gauze, hissing as the cut stung. With the blood gone she saw that she'd made a deep gouge with the stone a good six inches long. It probably needed stitches, but she hoped she could find some butterfly bandages to hold it together.

Quil whistled. "Damn, girl. That had to hurt."

She glanced down at Jake's drawn, pained expression. "Not enough," she said softly. She wished she could switch places with him.

The ache in her chest that had been hurting ever since she saw Jake hurt stayed with her.

She had an odd moment of clarity when she realized she suddenly knew the moment they crossed over the border into La Push. It felt… right to be here. Maybe spending enough time around supernatural creatures was giving her a supernatural ability of her own. Even if her power was a little lame.

"You stayed," Jake told her blearily as the first houses on the edge of the rez came in sight, blinking his eyes open from where he had been dozing. "I didn't think you would."

She felt keenly aware of the three other people in car with them. "Jake," she said hesitantly. "I don't want you to think —"

"I know, Bells," he said. He could always read her mind like no one else could. Her mind might have been closed off to Edward, but it had always been readable to Jake. "But I'm still glad you're here."

"I couldn't leave you like that," she said, and that same sense of certainty came back. She'd always felt a strong tie to La Push, but now it seemed like it had almost become part of her soul, or to being part of the park, even as peripheral as it was. Maybe just knowing she had come so close to losing Jake forever made her pay more attention to the fact that she had ties to the pack, not just to the Cullens.

"We're almost there, Jake," Embry said as he turned onto the short dead end that led to the Blacks' house. Quil jumped out, and Bella watched him jog to the front door and let himself inside. He propped the door open as Embry shifted into park and Bella opened her door.

"Billy's here, he said to take him to his room," Quil reported. Bella hurriedly slid out of her seat to get out of their way, and Seth scrambled out after her.

"Can you clear our path, Bells?" Embry asked.

Glad to have something to do other than dance around Jake, who had gone pale at being moved again, she nodded and moved to the front door.

Billy was just out of the way of the front door, his lips pressed together. "Hi, Billy," she said weakly as she stepped inside.

"Bella. How is he?" His voice was tight with worry.

"He's in pain, but he'll be fine," she said. She hoped she was right. "Carlisle…" she almost didn't want to tell him, but Billy was going to find out soon enough, and he deserved to know what was going to happen to his son. "Carlisle's going to have to re-break his bones," she said quietly.

Billy closed his eyes and nodded.

Feeling that same rush of guilt that she had felt so often since meeting the wolves, Bella turned away with relief when she heard the others discussing how to best carry Jake out of the car, and she hurried down the hall to make sure the way to Jake's room was clear.

The Blacks' house had been fairly cluttered ever since Jake's mom had died, and Bella grabbed a couple of boxes and dirty clothes in the hallway as she walked, and then pushed open the door to Jake's room and propped it open with his desk chair. His bed wasn't made, and she smoothed down the sheets to make a flat surface, knowing he wasn't going to need blankets. She was dropping another pair of shorts on his floor into his laundry hamper when she heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway.

Quil, Embry, and Seth came in, holding Jake carefully among them, clearly trying to jolt him as little as possible. Bella winced as they laid him down on the bed and he groaned again.

"I'm going to see if Sam's bringing the doctor yet," Quil said. Bella remembered him joking endlessly when she'd first met him through Jake. He looked like he'd grown up even more in the past few months than Jake had.

Bella nodded, though he wasn't looking at any of them. She knelt down in front of Jake, and his eyes focused on her.

"You okay, Bells?" he asked her.

She shook her head. If she opened her mouth she knew she would start crying. She hadn't had any time to process the fact that Victoria was gone, that she had watched her corpse burn, that her dad and the rez were going to be safe from the red-haired vampire forever.

She also hadn't allowed herself any time to process the fact that she had pushed Edward away without thought, that she'd gone with the wolves without so much as glancing back at him and left them to deal with the Volturi without her.

 _It_ _'_ _s Edward's fault the Volturi know about me, anyway_ , a small, vicious part of her thought.

She didn't regret coming. It felt right to be here. In fact, she had been feeling even more sure of that over the past few minutes, as if she was adjusting to and embracing the feeling.

"Bells, look at me," Jake said. Blinking back tears, she did, taking in his beautiful dark eyes and almost girlish eyelashes, his perfect, flawless rich skin. He was clearly still in pain, but beyond that there was deep fondness, affection, love. She was relieved that she didn't see the same wildfire that had blazed in his eyes before she'd kissed him.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he examined her, looking like he was seeking something he wasn't quite finding. After a moment she saw his eyes flicker to Embry, standing a few feet away from them.

"Em, does something feel diff—"

He cut off suddenly, and all three boys turned to the door. A few seconds later, Carlisle stepped in with a large bag. "Jacob, are you ready to begin?" He glanced at Bella and gave her a small smile. At least _he_ wasn't mad at her for leaving the fight with Jake.

Sam stopped in the doorway behind Carlisle. "Bella," Jake said to him. "Please, get her—"

"I'm going," Bella told him, rising. He wouldn't want her to be there for this, but she wasn't going to go far. As Sam stepped aside to let her pass, she decided to cook something, just so she had something to do until she was allowed back in to see Jake.

To her surprise, Sam followed her to the kitchen. She stopped as she pulled open the pantry door and turned to look at him questioningly, too exhausted to try to be more discreet.

The Alpha of the pack had always been intimidating to her. He was the most heavily muscled, and at six-and-a-half feet, taller than everyone else in the pack, though Jake might catch up with him soon. All that plus too many months of building him up in her head to be a gang leader before she and Jake had known about the pack probably didn't help her general impression of him.

She wondered if he was going to try to kick her out. Jake had said he was technically the Chief of the tribe now, so he probably had the right. "Do you want something to eat?" she asked uncertainly, hoping that might buy her some time before he told her to leave.

His lips quirked. "Sure. Thanks." Nodding, she turned to the pantry, surveying her options, and then checked the fridge. There was dried pasta, and she thought there was enough ground meat and tomato sauce to make meatballs.

Sam leaned against the counter, and she wondered if he was going to watch her cook the whole time.

"The leeches from Italy were asking about you," he said after a couple minute of silence.

She jumped and almost dropped the packet of ground meat. "They want me to be turned," she said listlessly. Right now it was hard to think about becoming a vampire. It was just too far removed from the reality she was inhabiting right now.

He nodded, looking thoughtful, and didn't say anything else. When she'd gotten all the ingredients together she looked around for a mixing bowl, and Sam wordlessly reached over her head to the top shelf of the cabinet and pulled one down.

"And you want to?" he asked abruptly. "Be turned?"

"I don't know, Sam," she said, feeling off-balance. "I can't really think about that right now."

Again he didn't follow-up her response, and her words lingered in the room, at least to her mind.

 _I don_ _'_ _t know_ , she'd said.

Not _yes_.

She was just stressed, that was all. Seeing her best friend almost die would do that to anyone. Once she returned to the Cullens all of her certainty would resurface.

She opened the refrigerator and reached for the jar of marinara sauce she could see all the way at the back. As she twisted her hand, her inner arm grazed the hard cardboard edge of a six-pack of Raniers, and the motion and the contact combined to tear her cut half open again. Gasping in pain, she pulled her arm back and watched as blood started welling up again, fighting down her automatic rush of queasiness at the sight.

"Shit," Sam said and reached past her to the opposite counter to grab a paper towel and press it to her arm. "He couldn't find you a bandage?"

Bella frowned down at the paper towel that was darkening with her blood. Why would Sam have paid attention to her ten-second interaction with his packmate on a day when they had had to fight vampires to the death?

"Guess not," she muttered, holding the paper towel against the cut until the wound scabbed over again.

He didn't say anything else, and a few minutes later Seth joined them, begging Bella to give him something to do in the kitchen. The kitchen wasn't exactly well stocked, but she found a box of cornbread mix in the far reaches of the pantry and handed it to him to make. The three of them were silent apart from Seth asking her for clarifications on the baking instructions.

Sam had just handed her an oven mitt to pull the tray of meatballs out of the oven when Carlisle emerged from Jake's room. If a vampire had ever looked tired, it was how Carlisle looked now.

Sam walked over to meet him in the middle of the living room. "It's done," Carlisle said. "I've left him hydrocodone tablets, but he'll burn through them rapidly. He should be able to handle two every half hour."

Sam nodded. "Thank you," he said stiffly.

Carlisle inclined his head in response and turned a small smile on Bella. "Would you like me to take you home now, Bella?"

"No, thank you," she replied immediately. She wouldn't leave the reservation until she knew everyone in the pack was safe. "I need to stay here."

If Carlisle was surprised, she couldn't see any sign of it. "Is there anything you'd like me to tell Edward?" he asked.

She paused, and then shook her head. Edward should know why she had left with Jake. There was nothing else to say. She knew he disagreed with her decision, and he probably wouldn't be happy with her for a while, but this was one of the few areas in her life that she didn't care about his opinion on. "I'll be back home tomorrow, as long as Jake is better by then," she told him.

Carlisle nodded to her, inclined his head to the rest of them, and turned to go. Bella wondered if she should feel guilty for not leaving with Carlisle, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to. Where guilt at disappointing Edward would normally be was the more important conviction that she was exactly where she needed to be.

Embry joined them in the kitchen a few minutes later, his eyes tired. "Jake wants to talk to you, Bells," he said.

She nodded and reached for tongs. "Just a sec, I'll bring him a plate." She scooped the spaghetti and meatballs onto five plates and handed them out to the men hovering around the kitchen.

They looked faintly surprised as they took the plates. Surely they had seen in Jake's memories how often she cooked. Maybe the difference was that this was the first time she'd cooked for _them_.

She cringed at the realization of how focused she had been on the Cullens, ever since Edward had come back with her from Italy. If she was changed, she'd never be able to spend time with the pack like this again. She would never need to cook again.

She grabbed the fifth plate and walked down the hall to find Jake. He was sitting half upright on his bed with a pillow bracing his back, and he looked like he'd sweated entirely through his clothes.

"Please say that's for me, Bells," he begged as she walked through the door.

She gave him a small grin. "What's in it for me?"

"Eternal gratitude?"

She couldn't stop herself from flinching at the word, and Jake's smile faded as she handed him the plate. She couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"Bells…" he started, but she shook her head.

"Eat first."

Huffing an exaggerated sigh, he did, taking enormous bites. She was glad to see he had the energy to eat, that the dark bruises that spread across so much of his skin didn't mean he was too weak to move.

"All the newborn vamps are dead," he said once his plate was empty, clearly not willing to be sidetracked. "And the Italian leeches are gone. There's no one trying to hunt you down anymore." He reached out and squeezed her hand. "We don't need the leeches anymore, honey. If you wanted, today could be the last time you ever had to deal with any of them."

She sat down on the end of the bed and rubbed her tired eyes. "Jake, I told you how I feel." She was too bone weary to have this argument with him again.

"No, you told me you loved Edward _more_. But that's not everything, Bella! If you make the decision to change, you'll lose everyone here forever. And your mom and Charlie. Doesn't everyone else you love count for anything? Hell, I'm not asking you to choose me."

She blinked, surprised. "What do you call what you're doing right now, then?"

"I'm asking you _not_ to choose _them_ ," he said simply. "Move in with me, travel abroad, go start a cooking show in L.A. It doesn't matter. But I will get down on my knees and _beg_ right now if that's what it takes for you not to become one of them."

"You'd really be fine with that?" she asked. Not three hours earlier he had definitely been begging her to choose him.

"Yeah," he said. "I really would." She thought she caught the faintest expression of surprise even as he spoke the words, but his tone remained firm. "I mean, I'd obviously rather you were on the rez, even if it wasn't with me, but anything is better than _that_."

Her throat tightened as she realized that soon she would be losing that option forever. She wasn't going to get exceptions to visit La Push just because Jake had once been her friend. She wouldn't be able to be friends with Jake at all.

She wiped her eyes and slumped against the wall. "I'm too tired to fight any more tonight, Jake," she said.

"Okay," he said after a minute. "That's fine. Are you… will you stay on the rez? You can sleep in the twins' room, it's a mess, but one of the guys can help you clean it up —"

"Bella can stay with Emily and me," Sam said in his deep voice, stepping into the room. "We have a guest bedroom," he added to her.

Jake's eyes flew past her to Sam in barely-concealed surprise. Bella had a hard time keeping her own expression smooth. Maybe Sam hated her less than she'd thought. Or maybe he _really_ liked spaghetti and meatballs.

"You're sure?" she asked him.

"Emily will love to see you," he said, but he was looking past her, to Jake, as if he was trying to communicate something deeper in that simple sentence.

"Okay," Bella said slowly, surprising herself. She wasn't used to letting other people do favors for her. But an actual guest bedroom sounded wonderful compared to a dusty, cluttered room that hadn't been cleaned in at least a couple years.

She wondered if it should feel weird to take Sam up on his offer. Yet she felt much more comfortable with him than she had even a day ago, and she wasn't sure that their talk in the kitchen could really explain all of it. "Thanks, Sam."

She caught the slightest flash of a grin. "Hey, you fed me. Least I can do." He turned to Jake. "I'll have Seth stay here in case you need to get hold of us while we're phased. No shifting for the next twenty-four hours unless there's an emergency, Jacob. I mean it."

Jake scowled but nodded. Bella leaned over the bed to give him a hug, careful of his bruises. "I'll be back tomorrow," she promised. "Be good."

He gave her the smile that she had fallen in love with, the one she saw so rarely these days — his beautiful, free, uninhibited smile. "Anything for you, Bells."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't try being charming now, Black."

His chuckle followed them out of the room. Billy wheeled down the hallway, and Bella gave him a little wave as he headed into his son's room.

She followed Sam out the front door and saw that Carlisle's big SUV was gone. He must have driven it back to his house.

Luckily she already knew Sam didn't live too far away, probably only about a mile walking since they could cut across the yards of other houses.

Sam was not a talkative man, and normally she wouldn't have minded the silence, but this situation was strange enough that she couldn't keep her mouth shut. "Are you sure Emily won't mind me just showing up on her doorstep?" she asked when she couldn't stand the silence any longer.

He glanced at her and nodded. "She'll just be glad to have another girl around. Don't worry about it."

"That's just what I do," Bella muttered, and she heard Sam's low chuckle.

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you want," he said unexpectedly. "On the rez in general, and with Emily and me in particular."

This time Bella couldn't stop from staring up at him. Sam was full of surprises tonight.

"I just don't want there to be any misunderstandings, later," he said. "You're welcome here. Multiple members of the pack would very much prefer if you stayed here, in fact." He said the last with a wry grin that seemed to be making a reference she didn't quite grasp.

She bit her lip, thinking. The only other people besides Jake who might care would _maybe_ be Quil or Embry. Paul actively wanted her to leave, and maybe Leah, too. Seth was probably somewhat ambivalent.

 _And Jared_? she wondered, rounding up her mental roster of the pack.

She didn't know. She _wanted_ to, but she knew barely anything about him at all. He'd been the second to phase after Sam. He was Sam's beta, though Jake had told her once that he had offered to step aside if Jake wanted the position. He had a girlfriend, last she'd known, and Bella couldn't stop herself from wrinkling her nose at the thought. Bella had never met her, which wasn't surprising since Jared himself had only ever been around at the rare mandatory pack meetings she had been present for.

And he was smoking hot.

She jolted out of her reverie at that last thought, reminded of the flash of the feeling she wanted to pretend she didn't recognize but knew damn well was attraction when she'd almost run into him after the battle. She shouldn't be thinking of other guys like that. She had a fucking _engagement_ ring, even if she had given it back to Edward for the time being.

 _Edward_ … She was dreading having to put up with him when she got back. He was going to sulk for days. She'd be lucky if he let her go anywhere besides their houses or school for the next month.

It was worth it, though, to come to La Push. After all, Edward couldn't come out here. If she'd wanted, she could wait him out here forever.

The aching tug in her chest was back, and she wondered if she should go back and stay with Jake after all. She'd left him only when she knew he'd be okay, though. She didn't understand why her body, or maybe her heart, was still convinced that she needed to be with him this second. She glanced to her right, into the woods, wondering if any of the wolves were still out there, if they needed to be now that Victoria and Riley and the newborns were dead.

She pressed her hand over her collarbone absently, feeling her heart beating. It wouldn't do that for much longer, if she changed.

"You okay?" Sam asked. He glanced from her to over her head, in the direction her eyes kept flickering to. To their right, into the forest.

"Yeah," she lied as she followed him up the front sidewalk to his and Emily's house and stepped inside when he held the front door open for her. "I'm fine."

Emily was sitting on the couch, already setting aside a long blue and gray scarf she'd clearly been knitting before they stepped in. Her eyes lit up, and even as she was hurrying to wrap her arms around Sam she turned her lovely smile on Bella.

"Bella!" she said sweetly, giggling as Sam peppered kisses all over her cheeks, "what a lovely surprise!"

"I'm sorry," Bella said uncomfortably. "Sam offered to let me stay here tonight, but I can leave if it's an imposition—"

"Of course it isn't!" Emily said immediately. "Sam stopped by here before he went to Jake's and told me what happened with you and J—" She cut off, darting a quick glance at Sam, and then continued smoothly, "With you and Jake. I figured you'd probably want to stay on the rez tonight. We're happy to have you."

"I need to phase and set a patrol schedule for everyone," Sam told them both before Bella could respond. "Be back in ten." He kissed Emily quickly and was out the front door a moment later.

"Let me get you something to sleep in," Emily said, gesturing Bella down the hall. "You look exhausted."

"Long day," Bella admitted. She still couldn't believe so much had happened in twelve hours. She'd barely slept last night until Edward had finally let Jake come warm her, but even then that had only been about five hours. She was an eight to nine hour a night type of girl.

"I'll bet," Emily said sympathetically as she riffled through a chest of drawers in the master bedroom. "Just remember, sweetie, that this will be a happy ending, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. I know Jake was hurt, but he's going to be fine. The whole pack is fine. And now, with… everything…" she trailed off before she turned back to Bella, handing her a tank top and loose pajama pants with a bright smile. "Everything is going to work out."

Bella couldn't hold back a weak smile. It was hard not to smile when Emily was smiling. "I always love your enthusiasm, Emily," she said. "I'll try to absorb some of it." Even if she had no idea how Emily could possibly be right.

Emily wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her down the hall to another bedroom, this one sparsely decorated with a yellow quilt and an antique bed frame and nightstand.

"You should," she said with a laugh. "I know it's early, but I can tell you need to sleep, Bella."

"But—" Bella immediately protested, hating the idea that people were going to be out there making decisions, possibly putting themselves in danger, while she was asleep.

"Nothing is going to get decided tonight," Emily said soothingly. "Sam wouldn't meet with the Cullens tonight even if they wanted him to. We all need a break from them."

"I know the feeling," Bella said, and then almost immediately couldn't believe the words had come out of her mouth. She realized she was tracing her fingers along her collarbone again. The ache had settled into something that wasn't painful, but it was a little… hollow. She thought maybe there was something that could fix it, but the solution was just out of reach.

Emily's gaze had dropped to her fingers, and when she met Bella's eyes again, there was that same hint of knowing that Bella had seen in Sam's eyes. Maybe it was just that they knew that she was finally realizing how much leaving behind the rez and the wolves forever would hurt.

"Get some sleep," Emily said, patting her knee as she stood up again. "You'll feel better in the morning, I promise."

Bella nodded numbly. She wasn't sure if the ache was actually stronger or just that she was paying more attention to it now. It had that almost tugging feeling again, as if she had forgotten something important and needed to go find it. She almost thought she even had a sense of which way she needed to go to find it, but that was ridiculous.

"Thanks, Emily," she said softly, emotional as well as physical exhaustion threatening to pull her under.

"Of course. Goodnight, Bella," Emily said softly as she closed the bedroom door behind her.

Bella changed quickly and curled up into a ball under the covers. She pressed her hand against her chest hard, above her left breast. _I don_ _'_ _t understand_ , she thought, as if the ache would be able to answer her. _I want to understand._

Was this a message? A warning?

Maybe she was just going crazy. It wouldn't even be that surprising; anyone would have cracked sooner or later, with the constant pressure she was under from being a part of the supernatural world that only a handful of people around the world knew about, combined with the constant threat to her life from some of those supernatural forces.

Hopefully things would look better in the morning. She was pretty sure they couldn't look worse. She wrapped her arms around herself more tightly, willing sleep to come. It finally did, but it was only when she felt the hollowness inside fade, fade, fade, until it was almost but not quite gone.

Then, exhausted, she drifted into sleep, hoping she would find answers in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This fic features a pretty strong imprint bond, which was inspired a little by When Darkness Falls (a wonderful dark Bella/Paul fic by La Vita Nuova) and a couple other fics I have read in the past few months. It takes some of the themes like those in that fic regarding the imprint, which involves not agonizing unendingly over the meaning/impact of the imprint bond and whether it's "real" or not. In this story there will be some definite exploration of the bond and how it can change the couple's entire life in both good and not so good ways, but it won't obsess over whether the feelings it creates are "real" or not. The wolf and imprint can choose what they believe and make decisions based off of it (just like in anything else in life).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after.

Bella awoke with Edward's name on her lips. She'd been trying to tell him something, and he wasn't listening, just tried to talk over her in a language she didn't recognize. His brow had furrowed when she'd begged him to respond in English, like he didn't understand what she was saying, either. Sometimes Bella felt like that was actually happening with him.

Like her wedding… no. She had agreed to it in the end; she would go through with it.

As she lay on her back, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling fan, she struggled to remember where she was.

Then it all hit her.

Victoria and Riley — dead. The wolves and the Cullens fighting the newborns. Jake — hurt. Her insistence that she accompany Jake to the rez. Sam's surprising invitation to let her stay with him and Emily.

Bella pressed her hand against her chest, remembering the empty feeling that had made it so hard to fall asleep last night. It was still there, but not as bad as it had been at its worst yesterday.

She knew it had to be from worrying about Jake. She would have to give him up soon, but the thought was nauseating. She'd thought she couldn't live without Edward, but it seemed just as impossible to live without her best friend.

She couldn't stay in bed anymore. She needed to make the most of her time in La Push.

She was just pushing the covers back when there was a light knock on the door. "Come in," Bella called out, and Emily stepped inside her room in a tank top and loose pajama pants, looking more casually dressed than Bella had ever seen her.

"Good morning," she said with a smile, sitting at the end of the bed. "I thought I heard you moving around. I've got coffee on."

"Thanks," Bella said. "That actually sounds great." She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep again, but she hadn't completely caught up on her sleep yet, and she was still tired.

She found herself pressing her hand against her chest again, that strange, wanting feeling distracting her until she realized Emily had asked her a question.

"I'm sorry," she said, flushing. "I completely zoned out."

Emily just smiled, but her eyes dropped to Bella's hand, a tiny frown creasing her forehead. "How do omelets sound?" was all she asked, though, rising.

Bella's eyes flickered back out the window before she followed Emily into the kitchen. Maybe it was just the wolves watching her, though why they'd need to keep an eye on her or Emily she didn't know.

"Sit," Emily insisted, laughing, when Bella automatically followed her past the tiny kitchen nook and into the kitchen to help. "You're our guest."

She reluctantly took a seat at the table. "Did you sleep well?" Emily asked as she turned on the stove.

"I…" Bella automatically started to lie, then wondered why she was bothering. "I had weird dreams," she said lamely.

"Yesterday was a weird day; I'm not surprised," Emily said.

"You know, I feel like the rez is becoming a part of me," Bella said, unable to keep the thought to herself. She had spent too much time yesterday and already this morning fixating on it, and Emily was ridiculously easy to talk to. "I swore I could feel exactly when we crossed the border last night." She laughed nervously. "That probably sounds crazy."

Emily's hands whisking the eggs froze for just a second, then she turned around with a serious expression on her face. "It really doesn't, Bella," she said. "The boys turn into giant wolves to fight vampires. We're surrounded by things that should be impossible."

"I guess," Bella said. "But why now, after all these months?" Her eyes darted to the window again before she could stop herself. "What changed?"

"Oh, I think I heard Sam!" Emily chirped. "I'll be right back."

She set the bowl down as she hurried from the room, and Bella took the opportunity to slip into the kitchen and begin chopping the tomatoes and green onion stalks Emily had laid out. Maybe Sam would have answers for her, if Emily didn't.

She looked up a minute later when she heard Sam's heavy footsteps on the wood floor, his arm around Emily's shoulders as he sleepily nuzzled her cheek. He didn't _look_ like someone who'd already been awake.

Emily raised her eyebrows at Bella when she saw her in the kitchen, and Bella backed away from the cutting board with exaggerated slowness, holding both hands up placatingly. "I just wanted to help!"

Sam chuckled as Emily shooed them both out of the kitchen, following Bella back to the kitchen table.

Then to Bella's complete and utter shock, Sam stopped and gave her a brief hug before he took the chair next to her. It was over before she could freeze up or even process it.

Sam didn't hug people. Bella didn't know a lot about him, but she was sure of that. The only person she had ever seen him physically affectionate with in all the months she'd known him was Emily.

"I'm meeting with the Cullens in a couple hours," he told Bella, as if nothing unusual had happened. "We didn't get much time to debrief after everything that happened at the end of the fight." He sighed heavily. "With Jacob hurt, and then —" he cut off "— the Italian leeches."

Bella nodded. "Thank you," she told him. "I feel like I haven't said it enough. You didn't have to help."

"It's what we do," Sam said simply. "All human life is sacred, not just the tribe's."

Bella was sure he didn't mean anything cruel by it, that he was just staying the truth as he saw it, but his words twisted in her nonetheless. _She_ wasn't treating her own life as if it was sacred.

Emily set down plates in front of both her and Sam with a smile, and Bella took the opportunity to take a big bite so she wouldn't have to come up with a response to Sam that was sure to be inadequate anyway.

"Do you want me to bring you back when I leave?" he asked her between bites. "I can take you to Charlie's or the Cullens' house, whichever you prefer."

Bella glanced at Emily uncertainly, who had taken the seat on her other side and was biting into her own omelet. "I was hoping I could stay here just a little longer," she said. "If Emily will have me."

"Of course I will!" Emily said with a bright smile. "Our home is yours."

Again Bella was struck by the awareness that as kind as Emily had always been to her, she had never said anything like that before. Maybe she was just impressed by Bella's dedication to Jake. Or she and Sam were hoping that being a little more welcoming would help Bella see the error of her ways in wanting to become a vampire.

"I should probably call my dad, too," Bella realized. "He'll wonder when I'm planning on coming back today."

"Will he still think you're with the… Cullens?" Sam asked her. She thought he was probably making an effort to call them by their names in front of her and not "bloodsuckers" or "leeches". She appreciated that.

"I'm not sure." Would Alice have called her dad to tattle on her? "I know he'll be happier I'm here than with Edward, at least."

Sam rose, his plate now empty, and grabbed hers as well on his way into the kitchen. Emily reached for the plates, but he gently nudged her aside with his hip and set about washing them himself. "The meeting's at ten," he told Bella. "Let me know if you change your mind. You're welcome to stick around as long as you want, but when I phased earlier this morning Seth said Jake had been asking about you."

Bella's confusion over the odd thoughts running through her head this morning had completely distracted her from going to see him first thing. "Oh my God, poor Jake. He's going to be so upset."

Sam chuckled. "He's completely fine, Bella. I went to see him myself. Almost all the bruising is gone. Don't let him try to guilt trip you when you see him."

"Still," Bella said with a frown, not letting herself take the excuse. "He's why I fought so hard to come here, isn't he?" She meant it as a rhetorical question, but Emily and Sam exchanged a quick look she couldn't read. "And now I'm just letting you guys host me like I'm a guest!"

"You're not just a guest, Bella!" Emily said soothingly, walking over to squeeze Bella's hands. "You're —" She broke off with an apologetic smile. "A friend," she finished.

Bella returned her smile as convincingly as she could, but she hated how much she didn't deserve Emily's friendship.

Seeming to sense her mood, Emily asked, "Would you mind if I went with you to see Jake? I'd like to see for myself that he's alright."

"Of course not," Bella said, glad that this was something she could offer.

"Don't baby him," Sam told Emily firmly. "I know how you are when one of them gets injured."

"Never!" Emily said, her eyes twinkling. She knelt by the front door to strap on her sandals, and Bella returned to the guest bedroom to tug on her Converses.

"I'll see you this afternoon," Sam said, kissing Emily on the forehead. "We'll have a pack debrief here after our meeting with the Cullens," he told Bella. "If you're still here, you're welcome to join us."

Bella fought to keep her expression neutral. No one had ever really gone out of their way to prevent her from being around the pack when they were discussing strategy, but no one had ever specifically invited her, either. She had always been just enough of an outsider, of an unknown entity, that they never felt totally comfortable in her priorities.

"Thanks, Sam," she said.

He nodded, and Bella followed Emily outside. The other woman walked right past Sam's truck, and Bella was glad to get a chance to stretch her legs. It felt like so long that she'd been able to comfortably walk out in an open area without fear of Victoria or one of the newborns finding her.

Quil let them in when Emily knocked gently on the Blacks' front door. "Jake's been pouting that you hadn't come to see him yet," he informed Bella with a smirk.

"I have not!" Jake's voice called out from down the hallway.

Bella shared a small smile with Emily. "Well, I _was_ going to make breakfast," Bella said in a normal tone, knowing Jake would be able to hear her. "But, I mean, if you'd rather sulk…"

Emily chuckled at Quil's horrified expression and Jake's equally horrified cry. "Go talk to Jake, I'll start on breakfast," Emily told her, shooing her down the hallway.

Bella pushed the partly-open door to Jake's bedroom open the rest of the way. Her best friend was sitting mostly upright on his bed, his face no longer drawn and pale.

His torso, arms, and legs were covered with dozens of large, purple-green bruises, but Bella knew those would be gone within the day.

Still, Jake noticed her wince. "It's not so bad, Bells. Just the worst I've been beaten up in a while," he said with a dry grin.

"How are you feeling, Jake?" she asked, scanning his exposed skin for any more serious lingering injuries.

"Kinda high," Jake admitted, and she looked at him in surprise. "Quil managed to talk me into taking some of those pills the doc left. They don't last long for me, but when they work, they _work_."

"Well, I'm glad you get something fun out of all of this," Bella said, trying for a smile that she was sure came out wobbly. "I would hate for your life to get boring."

Jake laughed. "Never gonna happen, Bells." His expression turned serious. "I'm glad you're still here, honey. Have you talked to _him_ yet?" Jake only ever said Edward's name in that precise tone of disgust.

"He knows where I am," Bella said. "He knows why I'm here, and that I'll come back when I feel ready."

"He's got to be pretty mad," Jake said.

"Probably." Bella felt no fear or dread of that fact. "But that should make you happy, me not doing exactly what he wants."

"For once," Jake agreed with a snort. "But yeah, keep on doing that, Bells."

Bella sighed. She knew was doomed to fight with Edward over the wolves, potentially forever. Neither side would ever back down.

"I'll see if Emily's got something I can bring you," she said, rising. "You're probably even hungrier than usual, since you're healing."

"You have no idea," Jake said. "Thanks, Bells."

She gave him a smile. "Anytime."

As she walked into the kitchen, she saw Emily standing at the stove, talking to Billy and Quil, who were seated at the small kitchen table.

"Good morning, Billy," Bella said, and he looked over at her and smiled. His pained expression from yesterday was gone. He seemed capable of returning to his usual good cheer as quickly as his son did.

"Could I use your phone to call my dad?" she asked him. "And, um, actually, would you mind if I said I stayed at your house last night? Charlie's going to think it's weird that I stayed with Sam and Emily." _Because it_ was _weird that you stayed with Sam and Emily,_ she reminded herself. _Even though it didn_ _'_ _t feel like that._

Billy raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Anything that keeps you with us," he said, but Bella knew what he meant was more like, "away from _them_."

She caught her dad while he was in his office, working over the weekend, and he was confused and a little suspicious to hear she'd gone to the Blacks' house on what was supposed to have been the second night of her sleepover with Alice.

"Don't suppose you want to put Billy or Jake on the phone?" he said gruffly. "I'd hate to get my hopes up just to find out you're in Vegas eloping with Edward."

Bella felt a little pang at the suspicion in his voice, but she knew that she deserved it. Phoenix had been about saving him and her mom, Italy had been about saving Edward, and the sleepover had been about saving her dad and everyone else, but Charlie would never know any of that. He would always think she'd just been a self-centered teenager. She knew she probably was anyway, but hopefully not as bad as all that.

Bella didn't react to the tone of his voice, just said politely, "Here's Billy."

She handed the cordless phone to Billy, who took it and answered a few brief questions. She felt her chest pang again and rubbed it absently. It was guilt, she was sure. She needed to bring Jake his breakfast.

"She's welcome to stay another night," Billy was saying to her dad in response to something. "She was real upset when she came here. Said she'll leave in time to make it to school tomorrow morning."

Bella had certainly said no such thing — school was the furthest thing from her mind right now — but she was grateful for Billy offering another night of freedom —

No, not _freedom_. That definitely wasn't the right word. Maybe just a desired break? That seemed normal enough.

But not from everything. Just from Edward.

Billy was handing her back the phone. He just waved her off when she thanked him, and Bella stepped aside for Emily to set down plates of eggs and bacon in front of him and Quil.

"I've made a plate for Jacob," Emily told her, nodding toward a plate piled even higher than Quil's with food.

"Thanks, Em," Bella said with a grateful smile, reaching for the plate. It was nice to be able to share cooking responsibilities with another good cook. They seemed to coordinate effortlessly around each other.

Jake was playing a game on his rarely-used cell phone when Bella made it back into his room. "Oh, and you're forgiven for not tending to my wounds during the night," he said regally.

She smiled and handed the plate over. "I knew we were best friends for a reason."

Normally, that phrase made him stiffen, as she usually applied it as a gentle reminder of their relationship to each other. This time she hadn't used it with that intent, and he didn't seem to take it as that, either. He just gave her a broad smile and shoved a bacon strip into his mouth.

Emily came in a few minutes later, her expression concerned. She sat on the side of the bed next to Jake and stroked his hair as he finished eating his breakfast.

Bella had to bite back a laugh. Emily _was_ a pushover; Sam had been right. She was extra glad she hadn't coddled Jake. He didn't need it from both of them.

Jake preened under the attention, and when Emily had finally agreed Jake would live, they headed out. Bella reached out and swatted Jake's head while Emily's back was turned. "You big baby," she hissed at him, but she couldn't fight back a smile.

She was shocked out how able she was to joke about this already, and chalked it up to just feeling so relieved that Jake hadn't been permanently injured.

He just grinned at her. "I like seeing you smile," he told her, and the words were so honest and simple she wondered if the pain medication was making him say it. "You haven't smiled much lately."

She thought back to those early spring days, when he'd helped her recover from Edward's departure, before their lives had gotten so complicated. He was the one who had gotten her to smile for the first time since Edward leaving her.

She just shook her head at him, but she smiled again and as she left his room, following Emily out of the house after a final wave to Quil and Billy, who were on the sofa watching a fishing show.

"I was thinking of making some pastries today," Emily said as they walked back to her house. "Would you be interested in helping? I've had your pies before; they were wonderful."

"Sure," Bella said, smiling. "I'd love to."

When they got back to the house, she helped Emily set out her impressive collection of pie pans, cake trays, and muffin tins. As Bella began rolling the dough, her restlessness grew, the belief that there was _something_ she needed to do, and that as much as she was enjoying her time with Emily, this wasn't it.

"So the pack will be here this afternoon?" she asked Emily after they had worked in comfortable silence for several minutes. Emily had turned on the radio to a soft rock station, and Elton John was currently crooning about "sorry" being the hardest word.

"Yes, and we'll have to be sure to hide a few things for ourselves well, or they'll find them. Especially Quil. He's awful." Emily smiled. "He's got the best nose. I could hide a single muffin on the roof and he'd be able to sniff it out."

"Wow," Bella said. She realized she'd never paid much attention to anyone in the pack besides Jake, but something unknown was driving her curiosity now. "Tell me about the rest of them? What are they like as wolves?"

"Well, Sam would be able to tell you better than I could, but let's see." Emily opened the refrigerator and returned with a large pail of blackberries. "Paul's the best fighter, as you might have guessed. Leah is the fastest, though I'm told Jacob is a close second. Seth has the best hearing." She shot a quick glance at Bella before pouring the berries carefully into the mix. "And Jared has the best eyesight."

"I never see him," Bella blurted before she could try to be more subtle in her questioning. She reached out to gently grasp the arm she had sliced open the day before. It still hurt, and she wondered if he would be mad that she hadn't bandaged it.

Except… why would he care? He'd just been nice, that was all.

"Well, he — there was Kim," Emily said, not looking up from the counter. "He couldn't bring her around the pack. So for the most part, he's only ever been here for official pack business."

Bella noted Emily's use of past tense. "Is he still with her?" she asked as casually as she could. When Emily didn't answer, Bella paid attention to the import of what she'd said. She was being too nosy. It wasn't her business.

Except how it sort of felt like it was.

"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "It's none of my business."

"No, it's not that. I think it's just something you'll have to ask Jared about," Emily said carefully.

Like she'd ever have the guts to do that. He would think she was so weird. "Okay," Bella agreed, knowing she wouldn't.

A couple hours later, she and Emily were collapsed on the couch, laughing along with _When Harry Met Sally_ while casseroles were baking, the pies having been hidden away deep in the pantry. Bella didn't know the last time she'd had such a relaxed day with someone besides Jake. Alice would have insisted on doing her hair or nails while they watched, and she definitely wouldn't have picked a campy Woody Allen movie. This was nice.

So nice that Bella was almost distracted from the faint but unfading pull that she noticed every few minutes. At least it wasn't painful anymore. _It_ _'_ _s guilt_ , she told herself. Guilt over Jake getting hurt, and guilt over leaving Edward behind to go to La Push.

Suddenly, she and Emily were both sitting up. Bella wasn't sure why she had, maybe because she had seen Emily do it and responded faster than she'd meant to.

A minute later, a raucous crowd of shirtless boys came bounding in through the back door. Bella sat up the rest of the way, knowing that as soon as the boys ate they'd likely sit on her legs if she didn't move them off the couch. Wolves didn't have a great concept of personal space.

Emily rose to pull the casseroles she and Bella had made out of the oven for the boys to serve themselves, and Bella paused the movie as their voice clamored over each other. Wolves also didn't have a great grasp of how to do anything quietly.

She tilted her head back against the couch to look for Jake, but he wasn't there. Sam had apparently been serious about those twenty-four hours of enforced bedrest.

Paul was the first to make it into the living room with food, and it came as no surprise that he took the opposite couch from her, only raising his eyebrows coolly at her in acknowledgment. But when Embry and Quil came bouncing out, instead of sitting beside her, they gave her speculative looks and then took seats at the opposite end of the couch.

Bella's feelings were unexpectedly hurt, and she wondered if she'd gone too far down the path toward being a vampire for them to want to spend any more time with her now that Victoria was dead. Embry, always the most sensitive among him, Quil, and Jake, shot her a look that seemed almost sympathetic, but he didn't move to sit any closer.

She bit her lip, wondering what it would feel like to have all three of them hate her. The twinge of pain at the thought startled her, not because it was intense, but because it was alone in her chest. She didn't know exactly when it had happened, but now the aching tug was gone.

Since Jake was clearly still at his own house, Bella hurriedly altered her "guilt over not staying with Jacob" explanation before she could start freaking out that she was going crazy. _It_ _'_ _s because they don't understand why I want to be a vampire_ , she told herself. _They_ _'_ _re hurt that I would reject them, and I feel guilty about that._

But that didn't feel quite right, either.

She was distracted out of her thoughts when she looked up and saw Jared striding into the living room, a full plate in his hand. So he had decided to come back with the group for once. Or maybe Sam had made him.

She wondered if she was making up the dark circles under his eyes, that although he had looked more tense yesterday after the battle, he somehow looked more tired today.

Maybe he hadn't slept well last night. Maybe he'd been fighting with Kim.

_Maybe it_ _'_ _s none of your business_ , she told herself furiously, but she couldn't quite manage to keep her eyes off him as he sat down next to Paul.

She was being horrible. She was _engaged_.

She still couldn't stop from glancing up at him, hoping he wouldn't notice, but he was staring at her bare arm. She wrapped her other hand around the cut self-consciously. It was deep enough that she knew it would leave a long scar. She didn't need to keep irritating it on top of that.

Seth was last to come into the room, and to Bella's relief, he at least didn't seem to hate her. He gave her a wide smile and headed for the empty space beside her.

All the wolves in the room stiffened. Bella wondered if they were mad at Seth, though she couldn't imagine how anyone could be. He was the friendliest, most easygoing of the wolves.

Seth's grin faded, and he stopped in the middle of the room uncertainly. Emily, who had been following him out of the kitchen, squeezed his arm as she slipped past him and took the open space next to Bella before Seth could.

The boys' shoulders relaxed as Seth hurried to the seat on the far side of Jared instead. Bella could see Jared's lips move, and by the look on Seth's face, he was clearly telling Seth something, but she couldn't hear his words.

Sam was the last to come in, squeezing in on Emily's other side and ignoring Quil's indignant grunt as he was pushed against Embry.

Eating seemed to take precedence over an immediate discussion of their meeting with the Cullens, and Bella used the time to glance around the room. The whole pack was there except for Jake and Leah. Bella wondered if Sam had told Leah she didn't have to come or if she had just stayed away without permission. Jake had told her that Sam hated to Alpha order Leah, meaning she got away with things no one else in the pack would be able to.

Bella wondered whether Leah would ever forgive Emily for dating Sam, or Sam for choosing Emily. Bella wasn't sure of the exact timing, but she knew Sam had gotten together with Emily uncomfortably close to the timing of his breakup with Leah, and not long after Sam had accidentally hurt Emily by phasing next to her.

Bella had never asked, but she assumed that was why Emily had become part of the pack. Since Emily had actually seen Sam phase, even if she'd just registered it for a split second before he'd accidentally struck her, it would have been hard to convince her she had been making things up. Or maybe Sam would have used his position as Alpha to bring anyone he wanted into the group.

Bella glanced under her eyelashes again. Jared was staring down at his now-empty plate, frowning. She saw Paul's lips moving, his normal sneer absent as he clearly asked Jared something. Jared just shook his head. Bella wondered if something had happened; if Jared had had a bad night.

She was abruptly completely and totally disgusted with how she was acting.

"Emily," she said as soon as there was a pause in Emily's conversation with Sam. "Could I use your phone?" she asked when Emily turned to her.

Emily waved her to the cordless phone. "Of course."

Bella picked it up and debated whether to go into the next room but decided it was pointless. The wolves would hear every word anyway.

She dialed Edward's number from memory, and he picked up halfway into the first ring.

"Bella?" he said instantly.

She felt a rush of guilt. He sounded so worried.

"Hi, Edward," she said softly. "I'm about to leave La Push. I wanted to ask if I could come see you when I get to Forks."

"Of course," he said. "I'll meet you at the border. When will you be there?"

Bella glanced back into the living room, and all eyes were on her, not even pretending not to eavesdrop. She looked over at Emily, a question in her eyes. Emily smiled, though it didn't seem quite as warm as it usually did, and nodded.

"I think Emily can take me soon," Bella said. "But don't rush if you're doing something."

He laughed, and as always the sound was like music. Except now it sounded a little too high, a little too artificial. She wondered if she was making that up. "I hardly mind waiting," he said. His tone turned teasing. "Now that I know I'll be able to see my beautiful bride-to-be soon."

Bella flushed, and she was sure she wasn't making it up when she thought the tension in the room had ratcheted up even further. She carefully didn't meet anyone's eyes.

"I'll see you soon," she said in a rush, suddenly eager to get off the phone with so many listeners. She hung up before he could tell her he loved her. She didn't want to inflict that upon the room as well.

"Um, I'm going to get my stuff," Bella said uncomfortably, not quite making eye contact with Sam. "Do you think one of you would mind taking me to the border?"

"Of course not," Sam said. His expression was strange, almost pained, but he still spoke perfectly politely.

She returned to the guest bedroom to grab her jacket and make sure she'd made the bed. She wanted to offer to wash the sheets, too, but she knew Emily would be horrified at the suggestion. Bella was still struggling to be a proper house guest and not just do everything herself.

When she stepped back into the living room a minute later, Sam was having a muttered conversation with Paul, Quil, and Embry.

Bella didn't see Jared anywhere. She knew from Jake that he always disappeared the second a pack meeting was over, so that probably wasn't anything unusual. He'd probably just come back with them today because he was hungry. But he'd seemed unhappy; maybe something was wrong at home, or with Kim —

Bella shut that line of thought down ruthlessly.

Sam and the others clearly hadn't noticed yet that she had returned. "—our mind," Sam was saying.

"I can try," Embry said. "It's not as emotional for me; it won't come to the forefront—"

"I'll do it," Paul said in a gruff voice. He glanced over to see Bella, and they all turned as one to her. Sometimes they were creepy.

"Paul," Sam said in a warning voice. "If you're just offering to get a chance to be rude to her—"

"I'm not," Paul said flatly. "And you know I'm good for the thoughts."

"You are," Sam agreed with a heavy sigh. "Bella, will you let Paul run you to the border? We're trying to… minimize our exposure to Edward's ability."

Bella, to her surprise, felt no fear at the thought of being alone around Paul, and only the faintest trace of wariness. He could bitch all he wanted about her, but unless she turned into a vampire, she was in no actual danger from him.

"That depends, is he going to go poof if he gets mad at me?"

Quil choked on a laugh, and the corner of Sam's lips twitched.

Paul sighed in exasperation. "I'm going to be starting out as a wolf, so unless you piss me off enough to turn _back_ into a human I think you're safe."

"Has that happened?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"No," Paul said with a smirk. "But if anyone could make me do it, it would be you, Swan."

"Are you okay with this, Bella?" Sam asked her. "I'd just really prefer if we could keep a little bit of privacy from Edward now, and Paul's the best at keeping him out."

"I don't mind," Bella said. The tiny, adrenaline-loving part of herself that she tried to keep clamped down tightly perked up. "I've never ridden one of you guys before."

As soon as she registered what she had said, she felt her face flush, and the guys burst out laughing, even Paul. "C'mon, Swan," he said, striding out the back door. "That alone was worth it."

Bella started to follow him, but Sam stopped her on her way out the door with a hand on her arm and her a small pack of butterfly bandages. "That's not going to heal properly unless you bandage it," he said, nodding down at the cut on her arm.

Bella took the box, surprised. There hadn't been anything except small band-aids in the house that morning; she'd asked Emily. Maybe Emily had forgotten she'd had some after all.

"Thanks," she said uncertainly as she took the box and put it in her purse to apply them when she got to Edward. Sam nodded, his expression unreadable, and didn't give her any further explanation.

Sill feeling like she was missing something, Bella hurried after Paul. He turned to her once they were far enough into the yard that they wouldn't be seen from the road and held up a hand so she didn't walk any closer to him. "I'm going to go fast," he informed her. "Say something or hit me if you're going to fall off. And I'm not going to stick around once I get you to your leech, so don't stand around waiting for a goodbye hug or anything."

"The day you hug me is the day I get a tattoo," Bella said. Paul smirked again, and then unzipped his shorts.

Bella shrieked and slapped her hand over her eyes. "Oh my god, Paul!"

She heard him laugh, and then she could hear the movement of something large shifting its weight on the grass. She opened her eyes slowly, so she had time to stop any mental trauma before it started, and found Paul's giant silver wolf in front of her.

They eyed each other warily, and then he slowly knelt down so that she could climb on.

"If you make any references about me 'riding' you after this, I'm…" she started. Well, she really didn't know what she could do. "I'm going to do something really bad, you just wait."

The wolf made a chortling noise, and then they were flying. Or at least that was what it felt like. Paul leapt from time to time as he ran, and she thought it was solely to terrify her. Bella gritted her teeth and held on tight to his fur but refused to make a sound.

It took them less than five minutes to get to the border, and Paul had knelt so she could slide off his back and was turning around almost before she could process what had happened. For a moment Bella thought he'd left her without making sure Edward was already there, but then she saw her boyfriend — _fiance_ , she quickly corrected herself — step forward off the side of the road, his expression concerned.

"Of all the wolves that could have brought you, they sent _that_ one?" he said with a frown.

Bella decided not to tell him they wanted privacy. It wasn't really any of his business. "I guess."

Edward stepped forward to pull a leaf out of her hair. "It's just that that one's mind is—" He shook his head, sounding disgusted. "Especially today; he seemed worse than usual. But more importantly, love, are you well? You must have known how worried I would be." His tone took on a vaguely chastising tone. "You didn't even call."

"You knew where I was, Edward," Bella said, refusing to apologize. "You knew where I was going, and why. Carlisle saw me last night; he must have told you that. I needed to make sure Jake was alright."

"You could have still called, just to talk," he said, sounding hurt.

She winced. He was right. Why hadn't she thought to do that?

Because she hadn't wanted to.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I can't give you a better answer, but I just needed to spend some time with the pack."

His expression turned shrewd. "Is this about Jake, or is it about the pack?"

Bella froze. Before yesterday, it had been ninety percent about Jake. But now…

She might as well admit it. She knew perfectly well that it wasn't just about Jake anymore.

"It's both," she admitted. When his expression tightened she pleaded, "Edward, if I'm going to be losing them soon, I want to enjoy my time with them."

_If_ s kept sneaking into her sentences and she didn't know why. She just hoped Edward hadn't noticed.

He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose in an unusually human gesture. "In that case, love, why put yourself through more pain? Surely it's better to end this on amicable terms."

He was talking about losing the wolves like it was a divorce. She supposed it kind of was, only this would be worse, because to the wolves, it would be as bad as if she had died. Maybe worse.

"Because…" Bella didn't have the words to sway him, no answer that he would accept without pushing back until they reached the same impasse they always reached over this topic. "Edward," she tried instead. "Please, just let me have this. I'm prepared for the consequences."

She wasn't; she could never be.

He looked at her for a long moment before finally nodding. "Would you like to come back to the house with me?" he asked her. "I know Alice has been dying to talk to you. I think her latest kick is destination weddings."

Charlie would never leave his job long enough to travel out of the country. Edward and Alice should have known that. And Phil couldn't just take a vacation in the middle of baseball season, and Bella wouldn't want her mother to have to travel without him.

Bella wondered if Edward and Alice had ever considered the fact that other people didn't have the money and lifestyles that they did. Or maybe they just thought that she wouldn't care much about whether her parents came to her wedding, since she would be dead to them soon anyway.

Her heart lurched at the thought, and she rubbed her chest, feeling the slow ache of unhappiness build, and she realized that the pulling, uncomfortable feeling was back as well.

Bella focused on her unhappiness, since she recognized that emotion, though she hated herself a little for feeling it. This was supposed to be one of the happiest times of her life.

She pasted on a smile, said, "Absolutely!" and hoped that she'd be able to convince herself long enough until she actually felt the happiness she was trying to project.

Edward smiled like he believed her. She wondered if she was better at lying than she'd thought, or if he just didn't know her as well as she'd always believed.

She forced away these thoughts as Edward led her to his car, parked a few hundred feet down the road, solicitously keeping a hand on her lower back to make sure she didn't stumble. She could feel the coolness of his hand seeping through her t-shirt. How had she never noticed that before?

Edward opened the passenger door for her and then blurred away to the driver's seat. He turned his lovely smile on her, his annoyance seeming to be forgotten. Bella suspected it had to do with him thinking of the wolves as a necessary evil that he would only have to endure for a few more months.

She forced that thought away. She should give Edward the benefit of the doubt. He had been worried about her. It was just too easy to use Emily as a billboard advertisement on why the wolves were dangerous. But the only times in her life Bella had ever been in mortal danger had been from vampires.

"You should have seen the stack of magazines my sister came back with yesterday," Edward said, a small smile on his lips. "She even has Esme caught up in the mania."

Bella had never wanted her wedding to be something that had "mania" that caused people to get swept up in. She liked faded jeans and walking barefoot on the beach and reading outside on sunny afternoons. Alice and Edward had always done a really great job of making her forget that.

"Well, she seems much happier making the decisions than I would be," Bella said, striving to sound lighthearted. "So she's welcome to it."

Edward seemed to sense something off in her tone. "Love, if you need me to ask Alice to back off…"

Bella could only imagine Alice's hurt expression… and how Bella would eventually give in, anyway. She might as well concede now.

Edward was looking at her with such concern that she forced a smile for him. "No, it's just that she's going to be so much better at it than I am," she said. "I'll look through the magazine with her and offer her some suggestions."

_Suggestions_. On her own damn wedding.

Bella bit her lip, ashamed and confused by the sudden burst of resentment. She touched her chest absently. The ache was getting worse the farther they drove from La Push.

Edward smiled at her, and his expression was open and happy again. "I'm sure she'll take them under advisement," he said, laughing.

Bella's return smile came a little easier this time, and she forced herself to keep the conversation going and light for the rest of the car ride. She had never forced a conversation so hard as she had to now, but she was certain Edward hadn't noticed her struggle.

Alice was suddenly standing at Bella's passenger side door when Edward pulled up to the drive, a wide smile splitting her delicate features. "Finally! You're back from the dogs! Oh, Bella, we're already behind schedule on our planning; the veil will take weeks to be hand-stitched, so we need to make the final decisions on the design today —"

A custom made, hand-stitched veil. Why on earth would she need one? Bella didn't even like veils. They'd always seemed so archaic to her, hiding women from the public's eye, only to be seen by her husband as her father transferred ownership of his daughter to her new husband.

Hell, she didn't even like _marriage_. Two people could love each other and make a commitment every day to choose each other anew. Marriage trapped people in relationships that had long since soured through paperwork and custody arrangements and arguments over retirement accounts. Not that she was speaking from her own experience.

And yet here she was, about to be an elaborately-dressed eighteen-year-old walking down the wedding aisle in a few short months. The thought made her stomach churn.

Alice grabbed her hand in a tiny, ice-cold grip, and Bella allowed herself to be pulled into the Cullens' living room, where there were indeed several stacks of wedding magazines and inspiration books spread out on Esme's walnut coffee table.

Bella sat on the couch beside an excited Alice, who was already reaching for a magazine to show Bella her latest ideas for the wedding. Edward sat down next to Bella and put an arm around her shoulders. He kissed her forehead, and Bella forced herself to relax into him.

This was her role now. Edward's fiance, Alice's soon-to-be sister. And in this world, whatever decision one of them wasn't making for her, the other one was.

But this was the path she had chosen. She'd gone back and forth too many times already. She wouldn't go back again.

And Bella certainly couldn't consider a third option — one that meant not choosing Jake, but choosing a life with all of the pack at La Push.

But surely just imagining it, just this once, wasn't wrong. Her eyes fell closed, almost without her meaning to, and Bella's first image was of Jared's intense stare. She felt stripped away under his gaze, exposed but not vulnerable.

Bella jumped and opened her eyes, blushing. Both vampires turned to give her curious looks.

"I was just thinking of… something," Bella said, fighting down what she had no right to feel. She hoped that if Edward and Alice identified her reaction they would assume it was from thinking about Edward, perhaps what would happen if they got married. "Don't mind me."

They never really had, after all.

Neither seemed suspicious, and as Alice gave her an easy smile and turned back to the mountain of high-end wedding magazines and as Edward squeezed her tighter against his side, Bella tried very hard not to think about the fact that her simple, raucous, loving morning and afternoon at La Push had been some of the best hours of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this fic involves a pre-existing relationship, I feel like I should give a disclaimer for this and all chapters going forward that the decisions that Bella or (anyone else in this fic) makes are not necessarily my own views on morally correct actions. In particular, the imprint bond in my opinion creates a very "shades of gray" situation, and this fic is just how the story unfolded in my mind as I tried to keep Bella and everyone else reasonably in character. You can feel free to disagree with any character's decisions (and tell me in a review, if you want!) without worrying that you're personally attacking me. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth.

Bella struggled to fall asleep that night, the unease she'd felt since Edward had picked her up unfading. Her fiance had been nothing but kind all evening; he'd even seemed to take a genuine interest in how well Jake was recovering and how much Carlisle had been able to help him.

But part of her couldn't help but wonder if that was just because he thought that his romantic rival would be her enemy soon.

Bella jolted from her doze again and turned over again in her bed, huffing exasperatedly. She shivered as she tried to pull the blankets tighter around her.

"Hold on, love," Edward said softly from where he was sitting on the end of her bed. He rose, and she lifted her head to see him slip out of her bedroom door and return a second later with an extra comforter from the hall closet.

He tucked it over her, and she smiled up at him in gratitude. He really was thoughtful.

Then his fingers brushed her bare shoulders, and she shuddered, her smile falling. "I'm sorry, love," Edward said apologetically, clearly mistaking the movement for another shiver. He stepped back, and she was grateful he wasn't going to lie down beside her. "I hope you aren't falling ill."

"I'm fine," Bella lied. "Just a little cold."

She hadn't felt cold last night at Sam and Emily's, and she'd only had two thin cotton sheets then.

Edward scowled suddenly, his eyes going to her window.

"What is it?" she asked.

"The wolves," he said sourly. "A couple of them have passed here over the past hour. They're just skirting the range of my ability."

Bella remembered how Sam had been so desperate to keep their thoughts safe from Edward that he had let Paul, of all people, take her to the border. She wondered if she would ever know what they were hiding. They knew her mind was safe from Edward, but they probably thought her loyalty wasn't.

She knew that from their perspective, she'd made her choice, and it wasn't them. It made perfect sense, but it still hurt.

"They don't need to be in Forks anymore," Edward said, still frowning at the window. "The danger is past." She wanted to stand at the window too, but not to scowl at it like her fiance was doing. She felt that pulling sensation again, as if it was telling her that if she would just pay enough _attention_ she would understand.

She shook her head. She really was going crazy.

"I'm almost certain one of them is Jacob," Edward said after a moment. "He certainly doesn't need to be here. He lost you." His tone at the end was almost a whine.

"I'm not a prize, Edward," Bella said sharply. He spoke like that sometimes, of winning or losing her or when negotiating her time with Jacob. She wondered if it was a cultural vestige from the era he had been raised in or something inherent to him. She hoped he would improve at thinking of her as a _person_ before a woman or a wife.

Except he couldn't, could he? Vampires didn't change. They didn't grow as humans did over the years. Edward might gain new knowledge, but his ability to actually use that knowledge to change his thoughts or behavior was limited. He had told her almost as much himself, and she'd pieced the rest of it together on her own.

If she wanted him, she would have to take him as he was. That was what "for better or worse" meant, right? Or maybe that just applied to things that _happened_ to couples, not how they behaved?

She would just have to get better at learning to live with those facets of his thinking, of his perspective on appropriate behavior, a moral system she had never subscribed to but now still managed to find herself working within.

And she had better find a way to make those adjustments before she was turned. Because after that she wouldn't be able to change any more than he would. That was a scary thought, that they would eternally be at odds over their relationship.

"I'm sorry, love," Edward soothed her quietly, drawing her out of her increasingly dark thoughts. "Sleep, now." He clearly wasn't going to actually acknowledge the way he'd been acting.

Bella sighed at the command, but the extra blanket was finally doing the trick, and she was warm enough to fall asleep again.

Edward was still there when she awoke, but his smile as he saw she was awake wasn't as untroubled as it usually was, and his eyes were guarded.

 _Oh, no_. Had she talked in her sleep? She tried to think of all the things she could have said that might have upset him. Unfortunately, right now there were an awful lot of possibilities.

"I'll wait downstairs in the car for you," he said. "Your father's already left for the day. Take your time."

"Okay," she said slowly, trying to not to seem as if she was analyzing every word for clues to what she had said or done.

Edward gave her another tight-lipped smile and was gone. Bella rose slowly. She pushed the pile of blankets she had slept under off her, and immediately felt goosebumps rise along her bare arms. She rubbed them with her hands, but it didn't help. How could the wolves run so hot all the time, and yet she couldn't manage to keep from shivering in her climate-controlled bedroom?

She pulled a dark gray hoodie she hadn't worn for a couple months out of her closest. It wasn't the most flattering thing she'd ever worn, but it was thick and soft, and right now she cared much more about that than looking pretty.

After pulling it on over two camisoles and a pair of heavy jeans, she finished getting ready in the bathroom and headed out the front door. She skipped the kitchen, already knowing she wouldn't be able to eat. The ache in her chest kept distracting her.

She wondered whether it would go away if she was changed. Maybe craziness couldn't be cured by vampire powers.

There it was again. _If_ she was changed.

She stopped that thought in its tracks and pulled open the door to Edward's Volvo, slipping inside after just missing hitting her head on the door frame. She wasn't usually that clumsy, but something had just shifted inside her, making the ache just a little bit worse. It slowly faded as she forced herself to sit down in the seat somewhat normally and pull the door shut behind her.

Edward frowned at what she was wearing but didn't say anything about it. In fact, he said barely anything at all on the drive. Bella waited in unhappy anticipation for what she was about to be chastised for, but the words never came.

When they got to school, he placed his hand on the small of her back, and she was certain she wasn't making it up when she felt the cold from his hand sink through her three layers of fabric.

Alice came bouncing up then, her delicate purple sundress sharply contrasting with Bella's neck-to-toes outfit. Grateful to have the excuse to step forward, out of Edward's grasp, Bella moved a little closer than necessary to Alice's side.

"I spent all night doing shoe research," Alice told her, pulling out her expensive phone to rapidly scroll through photos that Bella barely caught glimpses of. "You're so lucky I don't sleep, Bella! We still have so much to decide."

She continued from there, shoe styles and materials and how high Bella's heels could be without her killing herself tripping on them.

Bella hated high heels. She wanted to get married in her Converses, if not barefoot.

But Alice was insisting on satin and lace, meaning Bella would either be slipping out of her heels or be tormented by itchy fabric against the top of her feet and her toes. Maybe both.

And she couldn't help feeling that white against her pale skin wasn't going to do her any favors. She imagined wearing her wedding dress again if she was changed. White against flawless white skin. Flawless, _dead_ white skin.

"I should get to English," Bella lied. "I need to ask Mrs. Jackson a question about my test."

Both Alice and Edward shot her surprised looks, and Alice muttered something about how they could get her into any college in the country even if she failed English. That didn't exactly soothe Bella, but she forced herself not to snap at them that she wanted to get in on her own merits. Instead she just nodded and hurried away before they'd be able to catch up with her, since they would be forced to walk at a human speed surrounded by the other students.

She did ask Mrs. Jackson a question in case Alice or Edward tried to eavesdrop. Her teacher seemed surprised but pleased to talk to her and explained that she'd gotten points off for bringing up eighteenth century literature in their essay when the prompt had asked for nineteenth century examples. Bella had forgotten that _Camilla_ had been written in 1796 and not the early 1800s.

"You still received the highest grade in the class, Bella," her teacher told her. "Even though you're not always fully present, you have talent. As long as none of the juniors ace their final next week, you should end the year with the highest overall grade."

As a vampire, by the time Bella had gotten enough control to be around other students, she would have to complete high school again. Her 98 average in AP English Lit would belong to a dead girl.

Bella shoved that thought aside as she gave her teacher a stiff smile and forced herself to take notes as usual when the bell rang to begin the school day.

She met Edward between their morning classes as usual and sat with him and Alice at lunch. As seniors, they only had a few more days left in the school year. Soon she would never sit in this lunchroom again. Until there was another lunchroom, maybe in a decade or two, when she could pretend to be high school-aged all over again.

She kept glancing toward the lunchroom entrance, wondering what would happen if she let herself walk out the front door, away from Edward and Alice's discussion of the wedding, just following where her feet led her. She suspected it would be the shortest possible line to La Push.

Bella glanced down at Edward's hand, casually holding his water bottle as he pretended to drink from it, only swallowing the tiniest bit that his body would be able to handle without having to force it back up later.

She tried not to shudder at the thought of him, of any of the Cullens having to do that, living in a body that was literally incapable of handling this fundamental aspect of humanity. Edward's other hand trapped hers on top of the table in a fond gesture, and her only thoughts were _pale hard cold_ , and it all registered to her as a feeling of intense deadness.

She wanted to pull her hand back into the pocket of her hoodie but let him hold it for a few minutes, taking a sip of her milk and trying to seem nonchalant. She replied to Alice's questions about the wedding, picking from the options Alice offered her at random, since Alice clearly was still planning on doing it her way whenever her opinions differed from Bella's.

When the school day was finally over, Bella walked toward Edward's car with him. Thankfully he didn't try to touch her again, which kept her morbid thoughts to a minimum. Clearly vampires didn't find each other disturbing in their mutual deadness. Her aversion was probably just something that would be forgotten if she changed.

Her phone rang just as she was climbing into her car. Jake.

She felt a smile break across her face. She'd been worrying that he wouldn't want to talk to her again after leaving La Push so abruptly yesterday without telling him. Even him mad at her would be better than not hearing from him at all.

"Hi, honey," he said.

Beside her, Edward growled at the endearment, but Bella ignored him. Jake's tone didn't seem to have his usual intensity behind it, just a deep fondness.

"Hey, Jake, what's up? How are you feeling?"

"Good enough to invite you to a bonfire tonight," he said cheerfully. "The bloodsucker army is dead, and now that I'm back to normal, we decided we're overdue for a party. Just the pack. You'll come, won't you?" His hopeful note dropped a little at the end, as if he'd realize partway through that she might not want to.

"I'll be there," she said, before she'd even glanced at Edward. _I don_ _'_ _t need his permission_ , she reminded herself. Even though Edward had done a very good job over the months they'd been dating of making her feel like she did.

It felt right to head back to the rez, anyway. Bella thought she would have jumped at any excuse to. "What time?"

"I'll pick you up at seven."

She agreed and started to say goodbye, but Jake added, "And thank you, Bells, for coming to stay at the rez after the battle. It meant a lot to me."

Her eyes started to sting. "Jake, of course I was going to come. If it helped at all, it was worth it."

She knew he would understand she was talking about Edward's reaction. "It did, honey," he said. "More than you know. I'll see you soon."

He hung up, and Bella looked over at Edward. His lips were pressed in a thin line.

"I would like to spend time with you as well, Bella," he said in a measured tone.

"Edward," Bella said, trying to sound patient. "I'm going to lose my best friend…" she bit her lip just in time to avoid the "if." She took a breath. "I want to spend time with him. You know he's important to me, just like you are."

Luckily Edward seemed to catch what she had meant to imply and not what she'd almost said. He nodded stiffly, but even if he hadn't she knew she still would have gone. Twenty-four hours was too long to be away from the rez.

That was such a weird thought that she pushed it away without letting herself examine it and turned a smile she hoped was genuine on her fiance. "Help me study for my physics final?" she asked him.

Bella didn't always want him to come home to study with her — he was too distracting — but she wanted to give him some of her time today before she left with Jake.

His quick flash of a smile seemed to be enough to pull his thoughts back to a more cheerful place, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Managing expectations between vampires and werewolves was complicated.

She cooked dinner while Edward quizzed her about thermodynamics, making three times as much food as possible to bring some to the pack. Edward rose and pressed a quick, cold kiss to her lips when he heard Charlie's cruiser turn down their street. To keep the peace, she tried not to have Edward around the house where Charlie could see him too often. Her dad had never forgiven Edward for leaving her after her eighteenth birthday, and at this point Bella was starting to doubt he ever would.

"I'll see you tonight," Edward whispered as she heard her dad open the front door, and then he was gone.

"Hey, Bells," her dad said as he put away his gun belt and boots. He sniffed. "Are you making curry?"

Bella stared down at the seasoned chicken that was almost done cooking in the skillet. She hadn't been consciously paying attention to her choice; she'd just happened to find an unopened canister of curry in a variety pack of spices she had bought at some point and had just gone from there. "I guess," she said lamely. She'd only made curry a few times, but it seemed to smell okay. "I'm sorry, I should have asked if you liked Indian."

He chuckled. "I'll eat anything you cook, Bells, you know that."

She was just finishing with the rice when he came back downstairs after changing out of his uniform, and she placed the lids on two more tupperware boxes before returning to the table with two plates for them.

"I'm heading down to see Jake this evening," she told her dad. "Bonfire. Some tribal celebration," she lied. "I'll be back by ten."

"Eleven's fine," her dad said. He grinned at her wryly when she looked at him in surprise. "Boy's a good influence on you, Bells. Spend some time with him."

"Thanks, Dad," she said slowly. It sometimes seemed like no one in the world besides Edward and Alice wanted her to be with Edward.

He grunted. Apparently their conversation was over. Still, she finished eating and picked up their empty plates with a smile on her face.

Jake texted her a few minutes before seven asking her to meet him a little down the road so Charlie wouldn't be confused about how he had shown up without a car, so she said goodbye to her dad and tried not to trip on her way to her truck with the two large containers in her hands.

Jake was standing, as shirtless as always, just off the empty road when she pulled out of the driveway and around the first corner out of the neighborhood. She scooted over so he could drive. He was always so bossy if he was riding shotgun. "Smells good, Bells!" he said cheerfully as he pulled himself inside and pushed the driver's seat back as far as it would go to squeeze his long legs in. "Indian? Is this you making a politically incorrect joke?"

She snorted. "No, at least not consciously." She frowned down at the food. "I'm not totally sure why I made it, actually. Just a change of pace, I guess."

Jake avoided her eyes for a moment, occupying himself with pulling carefully back on the main road. If she hadn't seen him drive dozens of times, she wouldn't have known his reflexes were more than enough to drive safely with only half his attention on the road.

"Bells," he began slowly as he drove. She tried to hold back a groan. This was going to be about Edward.

He shot her a wry look, clearly knowing her thoughts. "This isn't about me this time, Bells. I meant what I said after I got hurt. I will do _anything_ to convince you not to become one of them. I swear, I'll help you move to… I don't know, _Romania_ , and you never have to come back if you don't want to. But if you turn into one of them, you're going to break so many people in the pack's hearts." He sighed. "I just want you to remember that — the Cullens aren't the only ones who care about you."

She swallowed at the unexpected news that anyone else in the pack might actually be upset if she was turned. "So many hearts, huh?" she said, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm pretty sure they just put up with me for your sake, Jake."

He shook his head. "You have no idea. Just… Edward can be controlling. You know that, and I know that." He held up a hand to ward off her protests, and she scowled but didn't make any. As much as she wanted to defend her fiance, this was one trait it was hard to argue Edward didn't have. "Remember this is one choice you can never come back from. There is absolutely no rush. Experience life, Bells. Please."

She ached to soothe him somehow, but before she could reply, she jumped.

"What's wrong?" her best friend asked her sharply.

She didn't want to tell him, but she knew he would just bug her about it until she did. "We just crossed the border, didn't we?" she asked him softly.

His jaw tightened, and he looked to the forest on their right. "Yeah, Bells, we did."

Before she could respond, he reached over and squeezed her hand. "Honey, how are you feeling since the battle? Anything…" he trailed off. "…different?"

She chewed on her lip, not sure how much to tell him. She'd already given her weird border spidey sense away. "I think I'm just realizing how much I love the rez," she said, which wasn't a lie but was far from the whole truth. "And I didn't expect the pack to become like a second family, but they sort of snuck up on me."

Jake shot her an easy grin. "They're good at that."

He pulled her truck up off the side of the gravel road, the closest spot to the path that led to Second Beach that her truck would be able to manage.

"Jake?" she said as she got out of her truck. She didn't see anyone, and she could only hear the distant rush of the ocean, not the raucous laughter of the boys. "Isn't the party supposed to start soon?"

"Um, in about an hour." He looked a little guilty. "We wanted to talk to you first."

He tugged her gently down the dirt incline toward the beach. She resisted at first before giving in and following him. "Who's 'we', Jake?"

He didn't answer her, just headed parallel to the shoreline until they were at some sort of natural rock overhand. Three familiar, hulking figures were leaning against the rocks, clearly waiting for them.

Quil and Embry gave her small smiles as Sam stepped forward. She had to fight down her familiar gut reaction of intimidation when she saw the Alpha. He'd been nice to her yesterday, but now his expression was back to being completely serious. She had a horrible sinking sensation in her stomach and remembered that as Quileute Chief, he could make decisions on behalf of the entire tribe.

"You're going to tell me to stay off the rez, aren't you?" she asked Sam, her eyes pricking with tears. She deserved this, but it still hurt. She turned to Jake. "Why the hell couldn't you just have told me that in the car?"

"No, god no, Bells, it's not that," Jake said. "The opposite, almost."

Bella stared at him, perplexed. "What?"

Sam sighed. "Let me, Jake." He looked over at Quil and Embry. "Guys, sit down so we don't tower over Bella."

She watched them warily as they sat leaning against the hard rock and sand walls under the overhang, and she slowly sat down cross-legged across from them, trying hard not to panic at this bizarre beachside inquisition.

"Bella…" Sam began slowly, then ran his hands through his hair. "Fuck, I don't know how to do this." He took a deep breath. "Have you felt any different since you came back to the clearing after Jacob was hurt in the battle?"

"About Jake?" she said uncomfortably. "I don't think it's your business, but he knows I love him—"

"Not about him," Sam said. "This has nothing to do with Jacob."

Jake made an unhappy-sounding noise from beside her but didn't argue.

"Do you _feel_ any different, Bella?" Sam's eyes were intent on hers, and he wouldn't let her drop her gaze.

She bit her lip. What if this was the one thing that tipped the pack over the edge, made them decide that she brought too much supernatural baggage with her and made her unwelcome with them once and for all?

But she didn't think she'd be able to hide this much longer, especially since the tugging was getting so strong it was hard to concentrate on anything else. And the four people she knew best in the pack were sitting right here, and the sensation hadn't stopped. Instead, she felt a strange desire to walk directly east, straight into the woods.

"Yes," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself and waiting for his verdict.

All four boys let out a long, slow breath, like she'd just verified something they had suspected but hadn't fully believed.

"Do you have any guesses why?" Sam asked gently.

She bit her lip. "It's something to do with the pack. Or La Push," she said, frowning up at him. "I've been freaking out for two days, Sam! If you know something, just tell me!"

Sam just looked tired. "Do you know how I met Emily, Bella?"

She blinked at the change in subject. "Um, not really. You dumped Leah for Emily, right? And Leah is still mad at you about that, I think. No offense," she added hastily.

Sam smiled. "None taken. And have you ever thought there might be a supernatural element to my relationship with Emily? Anything different from a completely normal human couple?"

"No," Bella said immediately, but then she hesitated. "She knew you were about to come inside yesterday afternoon." It was hard for Bella to forget that, when she'd done the same thing just before the pack had bounded into the kitchen. And she'd known he was going to walk through the front door two nights before, Bella suddenly remembered.

Sam nodded. "I'm with Emily," he said, placing weight on each word, "because she's my imprint. The moment I made eye contact with her for the first time, everything else in my life fell away. No woman would ever compare to her. My life is nothing without Emily being safe and happy. She's the center of my universe."

Bella's mouth dropped open. She hadn't let herself examine Emily's actions too much because she felt something so —

Sam was still talking. "I can feel what Emily feels if her emotion is strong enough, and vice-versa. I start to hurt if I go more than twelve hours or so without touching her," he said, absently touching the exact same place on his chest that Bella had been touching on hers for the past two days.

His expression turned serious. "And we both feel a tugging sensation when we're apart, leading us back to each other. Emily could move to the other side of the world and I'd be able to track her down wherever she went."

Bella could feel the blood draining out of her face. "Oh my god. Are you — _How_ —?" Her words weren't coming out right. "This is a joke, right? This isn't a real thing that happens."

But she knew already that it wasn't, that Sam had never looked more serious. "Have you told anyone else about this?" he asked her.

She shook her head. Of course not; she would have sounded crazy.

"Then how else could I know _exactly_ what you're feeling right now?"

Bella wrung her hands together, and she knew the others would be able to hear how fast her heart was beating. "But it happened on the day you met Emily, right? I've been around the pack for months and it's never happened. How can what you're saying be true?"

"Not the necessarily the first day we meet," Sam said slowly. "Or even the first time we see each other, if we're phased. The first time we make eye contact as humans."

"Who hasn't ever been around you enough to make proper eye contact with you, Bells?" Jake asked her. "Hell, who's barely ever been around _us_ when he didn't have to be? Well, until now," he added with a wry twist to his mouth.

The pieces didn't fall into place; they _cascaded_ over Bella's body.

"Jared," she breathed. "Oh my _god_."

Jared who had looked so concerned for her after the fight with the newborns, Jared who had glared when Seth had tried to sit down next to her, Jared who she suddenly remembered had filled her dreams last night and whose name on her lips quite possibly explained her fiance's unhappiness with her that morning.

She struggled to focus on just one question when she had dozens. "He's in the woods?" was the one that came out first.

"I think you know the answer to that," Sam told her.

This was it. No more lying, no more pretending that she didn't believe him or trying to convince herself that she was just making this up, when she had never made up anything like this in her life.

She raised a trembling finger and pointed to exactly to where she knew he was. "A mile that way," she said shakily. "Maybe a little less."

Quil gave a low whistle. "Damn, that's freaky," he said.

"Why did this happen?" she demanded of Sam, trying to channel her fear and confusion (and the intrigue she tamped down hard on) into anger. "Why did no one ever _tell_ me this could happen?"

"Because imprinting is a legend," he told her calmly. "I was the first to shift, and Alpha by default since Jared didn't phase for a few more months. But I wasn't alone, because I met and imprinted on Emily within a week of phasing for the first time. Then the months passed and the pack grew without it happening to anyone else. The elders thought that the magic from our legends had changed, that my bond with Emily was something that would only happen to the Alpha. They thought Jacob eventually might find someone in the same way, but that was all."

"I wouldn't have," Jake said fiercely, and Bella couldn't quite meet his eyes. She had managed to make him feel rejected again, this time through entirely no fault of her own.

She ran a hand through her hair. Too much. On top of everything else in her life, this was too much. "Sam, Jake, whoever, what do I do? Can I break the bond? The imprint?"

Sam tilted his head, his dark eyes unreadable. "Do you want to?"

_No._

Her heart held no uncertainty. What she wanted was undeniable, implacable, and terrifying.

That realization infuriated her, and she drove her frustration at herself for being unable to be happy with her doting fiance and insisting on dreaming of another boy with beautiful dark eyes and a sad smile.

Maybe in another life he could have been hers before she'd made her promise to Edward. But she was bound to that promise. She couldn't go back on that. Edward would be devastated. She didn't ever want to see him like that, and even more than that she didn't want to be the cause of it.

For the first time since the battle Bella didn't try to fight the emotions that had been coursing through her, that she had been pushing back as hard as she could. She let herself feel her frustration at the situation, that she'd had no control over it happening and neither had _he_.

She poured in her nagging doubts about Edward, her tiny little resentments of Alice, even though she knew it wasn't fair to blame those on the imprint. She needed all the emotional fortitude she could to walk away from what she now knew.

"So where the fuck is he?" she demanded, rising to her feet and marching straight up to Sam. She didn't want to lose her temper, and at the same time it felt good to yell, to let the burden of guilt and confusion and repressed desire be concealed under her righteous indignation. "If this is a real thing, this imprinting, why isn't he _here_?"

"Because he thinks you're happy as you are," Sam said in his steady voice, tilting his head to look up at her.

She clenched her fingers. Jared was ruining _everything._ She'd made promises it was too late to back out of now. The bond was making her see things that weren't there. Edward's personality hadn't bothered her for over a year; why had she started feeling claustrophobic now? Sure, she'd always preferred the idea of getting married in Vegas, but Alice had seemed so _hurt_ , so Bella had let her take over her wedding. If Bella had agreed to that, she must have been okay with it. Surely that shouldn't be any true cause for resentment.

She'd had a plan. She _liked_ plans.

"I have to go," she muttered. Jake frowned, but he didn't seem surprised. None of them did.

Her best friend handed over her keys without argument, and she had a moment of surprise that he'd given in so quickly. He must realize that she needed her space desperately, and she tried to fumble for those dying flickers of anger.

"Here, take the damn food," she said when she pulled open the driver's side door, shoving them at Jake, who had followed a few paces behind her. She had a sudden flash of irritation as she realized she'd put money on the fact that Jared liked Indian food. "I'll make it to another bonfire." Even though she wasn't sure there would be one before…

Her wedding. The day she walked down a satin carpet spread across the lawn of the Cullens' massive grounds in a designer dress and uncomfortable high-heeled shoes.

Where Edward would be waiting at the end of the aisle, his eyes an unnatural gold and his pale, hard skin shimmering like diamonds in the soft light that made it through the trees.

That was going to be her, and she was going to make sure she was smiling as she did it.

She almost fell down pulling herself into the driver's side of her truck, and just before she pulled the door shut with trembling fingers, Sam's voice called out from behind her.

 _"_ _Are_ you happy, Bella?"

She slammed the door shut and drove off of the reservation as fast as her truck as could go.

What a rude, intrusive, and absolutely ridiculous question. She had _nothing_ to be upset or unhappy about. Edward and Alice and the other Cullens were giving her everything she'd ever wanted.

She spent the remaining ride to her house furiously repeating that mantra to herself, and when she met her ice-cold fiance in her room, she pulled him down onto the bed beside her. She nuzzled up against his chest, knowing that she would have to pay the price of being freezing.

"I missed you," she whispered. That was only a tiny lie; it didn't mean anything that she never seemed to miss him on the rez.

He chuckled, pleased. "Not as much as I missed you, love."

That was probably true, and she hated herself for thinking it.

"I'm so tired, Edward," she murmured. "Help me sleep?"

He kissed her on her forehead with hard, icy lips, and obligingly began humming her lullaby, his voice as lovely as it always was. She closed her eyes, trying to will the tightness she could feel squeezing her insides to relax.

She just needed to spend more time thinking about all the reasons she loved Edward. Surely she could do that enough so that by the day of her wedding she would be happy. There was plenty of time to convince herself of what she wanted.

Bella pressed her hand against her chest and fought back tears at the ache vibrating inside her. She wouldn't be able to explain to Edward why she was crying.

She fell asleep with her fingers against her heart, comforting herself with the sense that it wasn't her heart she felt pumping steadily under her fingers, but Jared's. She thought she could feel him, his wolf strong and steady and calling out to her in the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes denial is really hard.

Bella wasn't sure how she made it through school the next day, but she was truly and unshakably miserable as she forced smile after smile at Edward and Alice as she sat in her classes without hearing anything her teachers said. Edward seemed to have accepted her smiles at face value and gave her affectionate glances from time to time, while Alice gave her blinding smiles when she caught her eye.

Part of Bella was glad that they didn't seem to have caught on to her mood, that they hadn't noticed her touching her chest or glancing to the west before she could stop herself, or how Alice and Edward's comments about the wedding sent her into waves of misery. Had they always been so oblivious to her feelings and thoughts? Or was it just now that they had begun thinking of things other than her?

She wasn't sure whether she should be happy that Jasper had "graduated" or not. She would never have been able to hide her unhappiness from him, no matter how much she tried to clamp down on it, and Edward would have read Jasper's recognition of her emotions in Jasper's mind.

_He thinks you_ _'_ _re happy_ , Sam had said. And then —

Are _you_?

Maybe happiness wasn't just something you felt. Maybe it was something that you earned after doing everything you knew you were supposed to do.

Bella closed her eyes, imagining Jared's pained expression, how much she must be hurting him. She wondered how much he resented her, imprinting on a girl who was engaged to his worst enemy. She should have pressed Sam harder about breaking the imprint.

But just the thought of trying to break the bond made her stomach clench, and the pain in her chest flared higher. She didn't want to do that. It felt awfully, horribly wrong.

But if that was what _Jared_ wanted, then she should do it for him. It was the least he deserved. He probably wanted to be able to be with his girlfriend again and go back to his normal life — as normal a life as a werewolf could have, anyway.

Edward joined her as they walked to his car after their final class, slipping an arm around her shoulders. Bella couldn't stop thinking of it as a dead weight, a free-floating body part disconnected from the boy who had died of influenza a hundred years ago. It was a struggle not to shudder and pull away from him.

She started shivering as she slid into Edward's car, and this time she couldn't stop. She was wearing another hoodie today, but it didn't seem to be enough. If she'd had gloves or a coat she'd have put them on, even though it was June and she would have looked ridiculous.

"Are you coming down with a cold, love?" Edward asked her, as always concerned about her health. He switched off the A/C and turned on the seat warmer.

Bella felt the words flow easily from her lips. "I'm not sure, but I don't feel very good." All truth. "I think I'd like to have the evening to myself." Also true. "I'll probably just spend the rest of the evening with a book and go to bed early."

Well, she _had_ said "probably". She _might_ do that, so it wasn't an outright lie. She just wasn't planning on it. She already knew that relaxing was outside the realm of possibility tonight.

To her relief, Edward didn't look suspicious. Bella thought it was because she was genuinely starting to look sick. She was still shivering, her chest hurt, and she was sure her unhappiness was showing on her face now that she was too exhausted to try to hide it anymore as she had been all day.

Edward pulled up in front of her house and walked around to open her door, ever the gentleman. He leaned down to kiss her cheek, making her already cool skin even colder, and she forced herself not to flinch away.

"I'll be here in the morning to pick you up then, love. I'll take the opportunity to hunt. Call me if you need anything."

She forced herself to smile up at him. She knew how much he cared about her, so why was she second-guessing everything to do with them? "Thank you, Edward."

He squeezed her in a brief hug and then turned back toward his car. "Get some rest, love. I'll see you in the morning."

She smiled tightly as she waved once more and then stepped inside her empty house, locking the door behind her. Only then did she let herself sink to the floor just inside the living room, her back braced against the wall.

She wondered if Edward was truly going to stay away tonight. He'd said he would, but he'd lied to her plenty of times in the past. Yet she'd always forgiven him. He'd always seemed to have such good reasons for lying, every time.

_Would you have forgiven him if he hadn_ _'_ _t been your boyfriend? Or are your standards different for him?_

"Go away," she moaned, and Bella didn't know if she was talking to the bond or her thoughts. She untied her shoes and threw them across the room, where they rolled to a stop along the tile in the kitchen. It felt good to be angry.

Bella wondered if Edward doubted that she was really sick. Maybe he would send Alice to be her bodyguard. Or have her watch Bella's future. Bella hated the trapped feeling that idea gave her. She'd put up with it from the very beginning when she'd started dating Edward, and she'd given up fighting it because she'd known it would never go away. But knowing how easy it was for Edward and Alice to watch her seemed to be grating on her all over again.

Bella ran a hand through her hair, leaning back until the back of her head hit the wall. "You're ruining _everything_ ," she whispered to the bond, pressing her hand against her chest again.

She'd already made her decision. The imprint was just making her think these horrible, negative, untrue thoughts.

She shook her head. No, she couldn't bring herself to lie _that_ much to herself.

Her thoughts were horrible and negative, yes, but they were also true.

Every single thing she'd thought about Edward or Alice or the rest of the Cullens since she'd met Jared had been thoughts she'd either had before and forced herself to repress or realizations that she'd made since then that she knew were true, no matter how hard she could try to deny them.

And knowing _that_ was so much worse, because it meant she couldn't blame everything on the bond.

Bella lost track of time as she huddled on the floor, her thoughts not leading her anywhere that made her any happier, as hard as she tried to rationalize herself out of her misery.

The pull of the bond had intensified since she'd gotten home. Now it was tugging her toward the backyard, on a precise, invisible path that Bella knew would lead her past a pile of folded, rusted lawn chairs on her right and two spindly pine trees on her left, straight into the forest.

She clenched her fists and forced herself to resist. This wasn't _fair_.

But when she started shaking so hard that her teeth chattered, she finally gave in. She needed to be near Jared, just for a little while, just long enough to feel strong enough to keep pretending that nothing was wrong. Then maybe her life would go back to normal, back to her idyllic engagement to a beautiful vampire and his perfect family.

Not bothering to grab her shoes, she walked straight out the back door, into Forks' perpetual misty rain that she had stopped noticing months ago, stepping onto soft, wet grass.

It didn't even occur to her to feel awkward until she started walking. Jared had clearly been resisting the pull, too, since she hadn't seen him since the pack meeting. Maybe he'd been trying to find a way to stay away. Maybe he'd been really _close_ to figuring out a way out of it, and she was ruining all his hard work now.

Bella's chest tightened again at the thought of him breaking their bond, and she couldn't convince herself to stop walking now that she could feel him so close to her.

And then she was staring up at an enormous wolf, not quite as tall as Jake's wolf but larger than Paul's, with a rich brown chocolate coat that turned to gray around his eyes and muzzle. She was pretty sure she'd seen Jared more often in his wolf form than as a human, though even then always on the edges when the pack stood together as wolves.

The tug's almost painful intensity had faded, but Bella could still feel it faintly, as if it was telling her she was almost there but still not close _enough_.

She looked at the wolf for a long time. She thought he was waiting to see what she wanted to do. Her heart was pounding, and she felt unaccountably nervous in front of him, like she wanted to make a good first impression.

Finally, she swallowed against her dry throat and said quietly, "I think we need to talk."

As if he'd been waiting for those words, the wolf scampered off just far enough away to be hidden behind a couple of wide evergreens. Jared must have stowed a pair of shorts there, because he walked back out as barefoot and bare-chested as the pack members almost always were, but basketball shorts were riding low on his hips.

Bella couldn't stop herself from staring at him as if she'd never seen him before. He was one of the taller members of the pack, with a leaner but more sharply defined build than most of the other guys, bright hazel-brown eyes, and lips that looked like they easily curled up into a smile or laugh. Except she knew he didn't do much of that.

She hadn't been expecting to find him as attractive as she did now. She'd mentally compared the pack boys many times in the past — it was hard not to, with them always being in a group when she was around them. Except Jared, of course. He'd always been in his own category in her head, handsome in his own right and not just compared to the packmates she only occasionally saw him with.

He was frowning slightly as he walked slowly toward her, clearly examining her from head to toe. One of his hands rose from his side, and he clenched his fist and forced it back down.

He stopped a couple feet from her, and Bella tried to tell herself that this was good, that he was giving her plenty of space and not pushing. This should be what she wanted. She should set boundaries and be grateful that he respected him.

The other part of her wanted to close the remaining distance between them. He was so _close_.

"You're cold?" he asked, glancing at her thick hoodie.

Bella felt a wave of self-consciousness at her unflattering choice of apparel, and then she felt ridiculous. It hadn't mattered that Edward had seen her in it all day today; why should it now with someone she _wasn_ _'_ _t_ engaged to?

"I… yeah," she said awkwardly. "I think it's the… you know."

"The imprint," he finished. "I'm sorry."

She took a step toward Jared unconsciously, wanting to soothe him and stop him from blaming himself for something he had no control over. "You have nothing to apologize for. I should be the one apologizing, if anything. If I hadn't been so clumsy, you wouldn't have had to save me." She laughed awkwardly.

"I could never wish that," he said seriously, his dark eyes not leaving hers. A trace of amusement lifted his lips, her first indication that she was right, that he had a beautiful smile. "Though I was pretty mad at first."

Bella couldn't help but flinch at the thought of him rejecting her, even though she knew he had every right to feel that way.

Jared's jaw tightened as if he could feel her pain, too. She wanted to step toward him, seeking comfort, but she forced herself to keep her feet in place this time. He didn't seem to manage the same thing, and he moved a little closer to her, and it was just enough to quiet the tug a little. She sighed in relief. She'd been right; closer was better.

"Not because of you, Bella. Never that. Because I didn't like what it said about _me_ ," he said.

It was the first time she'd heard him say her name, and something about the syllables on his lips made her shiver in an entirely different way.

His eyes seemed to darken the slightest bit at her reaction. "W-what did it say about you?" she asked, just so she didn't go completely speechless from nerves and embarrassment.

He swallowed. "That I'd been dating a girl I didn't love just because she loved me and I knew she would never leave me." Bella could tell the words were hard for him to say, and she took another step toward him, knowing the tug would loosen for him that much more. She hoped it would make it a little easier for him to speak to her.

"That I'd been a coward, and I'd been using her."

Jared raised his eyes to her again, and she remembered that moment after the battle when everything between them had become perfect stillness and for those few breaths it had just been her and Jared, alone in the universe.

"And that a single glance from you made me feel more than I'd felt with Kim in a year of dating."

He closed most of the distance between them but stopped just short of touching her, and he was now close enough that she had to crane her neck to look up at him. He didn't tower over her; he made her feel safe with his size, like he could protect her as a human just as well as a wolf.

He shook his head, not at her, but at himself. "I didn't _want_ to know those things about myself. The truth hurts," he added with a twist to his mouth. "And I think maybe you felt some of my pain. I'm sorry about that. Sam only told me that was possible later."

He was so clearly trying so hard to do the right thing, to be considerate of her when his world had crumbled just as much as hers had. Knowing that was all Bella needed to give in and take the final step toward him, to step into his warmth and hard muscles until her cheek was pressed against his chest.

She inhaled sharply at the contact, and the tug dissipated, replaced by tingling warmth and an awareness of him, as if he was sinking into her skin, and everything was right with the world in a way it never had been in her entire life.

Before she could stop herself, she tilted her nose against his skin and inhaled. His pectoral muscles tightened against her cheek. He smelled like crisp nights and an ocean breeze and something more, and if she could bathe herself in his scent, she would have.

His arms came down slowly to wrap around her waist, but when she didn't step back — it didn't even _occur_ to her to until he was already squeezing her tightly — she thought maybe he wanted to sink into her just as badly as she wanted to with him.

He was heat and vibrating warmth, and she felt every muscle in her body relax. The bone-soaking cold, the shivering, were distant memories, and when he leaned over to press his face against her neck, she tilted her head to give him easier access.

"You smell so fucking good," he murmured while his lips were still pressed against her skin.

She shivered again at the sensation, her heart racing, and blushed when she felt him take a deep breath. Werewolves and their sense of smell. She'd never had to worry about that before because —

Because she'd never had that reaction with Edward.

She had thought that maybe she wasn't like a teenager in _that_ way, like in so many other ways, and that on her wedding night — since Edward had made it clear that nothing more than short kisses would happen until then — her hormones would magically flood in.

That was clearly not the case, because just being pressed up against Jared made her want to shift uncomfortably with the dampness pooling between her legs.

She might not have super smelling, but his own physical response to her was gratifying in an unexpected way. She would have pulled away in mortification from any other guy, but she _wanted_ to know that Jared felt about her like this. She knew that was a horrible thought, but she pushed the guilt aside to agonize later over. Right now the rest of the world was a blur in the distance.

"Sorry," he muttered, and started to back away, but her hands tightened against his back, pressing her palms down to touch as much of his skin as possible.

"I don't mind," she said. "I mean, knowing that at least you're probably not thinking about how much you hate me for imprinting…" She trailed off, barely able to believe what she'd been talking about. The bond was giving her a shocking sense of boldness.

He chuckled, and it was such a relief to hear the ease, the naturalness she was already used to back in his voice. "Trust me, you don't want to know what exactly I think." His voice deepened a little. "What exactly I _feel_."

The roughness in his tone made her heart rate speed even more, and she shifted against him, just enough that he made a strangled noise as she brought friction against his hardness.

"Sorry," she squeaked.

He just shook his head and laughed. "Come here." To her shock, he slid his hands down her hips to her upper thighs, and scooped her up without her having to jump. "You might not be cold from the imprint anymore, but you've got to be cold from the rain." She'd forgotten it was sprinkling, and her hair was half-soaked now, her hood completely unused, and her bare feet sloshed in the grass.

And oh god, then her legs were suddenly wrapped around his hips and every inch of her chest was pressed against his (albeit through the many layers covering her own torso), and her face was pressed into the crook of his neck before she could stop to think better of it. He was all heat and scent, all man, all hers —

No. She couldn't think like that. She needed to figure out a way to let him go —

"Where are we going?" she asked, her lips just grazing his skin.

He bounced her a little, playfully, and she giggled. "Out of the rain before you freeze, barefoot girl."

No, she had definitely not just giggled. Teenage girls giggled. Mature, eighteen-going-on-forty-year-olds like Bella had always considered herself to be did not.

Jared's arms around her tightened for just an instant, and then he was leaning down, releasing her slowly that she could sit down on something soft. She looked up at him, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the intensity in his eyes. He wouldn't let her get hurt. He'd hurt himself a thousand times over before he let that happen.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, she pulled away and stretched her legs out before her. They were under a dense canopy of trees that completely kept the light rain out, and a thick, waterproof blanket and a backpack were set out on the grass.

"I've been camping out here," Jared said as he sat down near her, leaning up against one of the tree trunks. Bella immediately missed his warmth and the feel of his skin against hers. "It gets boring being a wolf all the time."

"Why are you—" she started, and then the answer was obvious. "Jared, you've been sleeping in the woods because of _me_?" She felt awful. She'd been in a warm bed — well, it hadn't really felt warm anymore — and he'd been out… here. In the damp and cold.

"Trust me, you think the pull is bad enough when we're only this far apart. I don't think either of us wants to know what it feels like if I let you get much farther than that from me."

Speaking of the tugging, there it was again. She felt a pang of longing. Why had he moved away from her?

"I'm trying to respect your space," he said, like he could read her mind. "Trust me, if I had my way I'd be all over you."

He said it without a trace of embarrassment, but she flushed a hot red all the same.

He smiled, but it was gentle, not teasing. "Come here, babe," he said, holding out his hand. "We'll go for the middle ground."

Relieved, she crawled the few feet toward him, and he pulled her against the tree beside him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders so that she was pressed against his side and not the scratchy bark at her back.

He leaned over enough to nuzzle her ear as if he couldn't stop himself. "Better?"

She nodded against his shoulder. The bond was humming now, telling her that all was well, that her other half was here —

God, _no_ , she couldn't think that, not about Jared, he didn't even _know_ her —

"I've watched you from the pack mind," he said, and she stiffened in shock in his arms. That time he _had_ to have been hearing her thoughts.

The hand grasping her shoulder slid down to rub up and down her arm soothingly, and she melted back against him. "That sounded creepy, sorry. But you've got to remember that I'm linked to seven different minds and their memories and senses. They all think about you from time to time. Some much more than others," he said with a chuckle.

Bella wanted to ask some very egocentric questions about who thought about her the most and what they thought about exactly (provided it wasn't _too_ gross), but she resisted the urge.

"I liked you," he said. "I didn't know you, but I liked you."

"You were never around," she said, frowning. "I don't mean around _me_ , but around in general. Even Jake said that."

He pulled her a little more tightly against his side, and she could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "I was resentful, mostly," he said. "I was already dating Kim at the time—" He paused to give her a brief, regretful look, and she tried to nod encouragingly and ignore the ridiculous spike of jealousy she felt at his words.

"And I couldn't tell her about it. Sam wouldn't let me see her. I begged him, promised I'd show him my control, that I'd wait however long until he deemed me ready to be around her. But he didn't budge. I didn't understand how he got to have _his_ girlfriend, but I couldn't have mine." He shrugged. "I get it now that I know about imprinting, but at the time I thought he was just being an asshole and abusing his power over me."

Bella reached out and squeezed his hand, not registering that she had done in until his hand gently squeezed hers back. "I would have thought the same thing," she said quietly, forcing herself to pull her hand back.

He made the same nuzzling motion against the side of her face and down to her neck again. It was an affectionate, intimate, wolf-like gesture. She found it unbelievably intimate and soothing.

"So I spent as much time away from Sam as I could," Jared continued. "I acted like it was because of Kim, but that wasn't all of it. I was just so angry; I felt like I had no control over my life anymore. Then when Paul phased I suddenly had to be the responsible one, because Sam needed both of us to handle him. He was my best friend before I'd phased, but at the time that just made things even worse."

He squeezed her shoulder again. "Then later we found out that you were looking around for answers, pestering Jacob, and of course you finally figured it out. And then bam, you were in the club. That should have made me mad all over again, that Sam got his girl and Jake got his."

Bella wrinkled her nose at the phrasing, and Jared shot her an apologetic look but kept going. "But it didn't. It made me compare Kim to you, to your curiosity and your complete lack of self-preservation and your determination to see the best in people. Kim's sweet, one of the nicest girls I've ever met. But in the entire time we dated, she didn't argue with me once. Sam finally let me see her again a couple months ago, and she never once asked where I'd been, or where I was going all the times I left her to patrol. She never had an opinion, that I could ever tell, on _anything_." He sighed. "You'd think I would have wanted someone like that, since I didn't have control over anything else in my life. And I _wanted_ to want her. I thought I could make myself want her. Then I saw you."

He ran his free hand through his short hair. "And I wanted to blame the imprint. I tried to use it as an excuse, but I gave up. And maybe you think it binds me. But it doesn't. It _freed_ me."

"Jared…" she said softly. Their legs were still touching, and she had shifted slightly at some point to face him more directly. "That's the imprint talking. You make me sound so much better than I actually am." She didn't want him to know that — she selfishly wanted him to keep his ridiculously high opinion of her — but she was at least honest enough to tell him the truth.

To her surprise, he just huffed out a laugh. "The imprint doesn't affect my memories, Bella. Everything I just said, I could have told you _before_ I imprinted, too."

Her heart sank as she realized what else he must know about her from the pack mind. "Then you know what Jake knows," she said quietly, suddenly afraid to look at him. "About… Edward. And me," she added in a tiny voice.

"Yeah," he said heavily. "I do. But you have to understand, I'm going to try, for you. But in the end, I want you to be happy. Even if it's with… him."

It was so hard to think of her fiance here, with Jared and in the forest. Edward didn't belong in the woods, nestled against the roots and trunk of a sturdy tree, songbirds chirping loudly overhead. Jared belonged here, in the rawness of nature. Bella had always loved the beauty of forests, but in an abstract sense; she'd been afraid of them at the same time. There was so much to trip her up, so many places to fall and hurt herself and never be found.

"You searched for me after Edward left," she remembered suddenly.

Jared nodded. "Yeah. I actually caught your scent first. Sam was upwind, but he was closer, so he handled taking you home." He laughed shortly, but he didn't sound amused. "Maybe if you'd woken up before I left…"

She knew what he was thinking. Before Edward had returned, before Jake had fallen in love with her. Before Alice had come to plead with her to go to Italy to find Edward a few months later.

When Alice had asked, Bella had hesitated. It had been an instantaneous reaction to worry about Edward, to fear for his safety, but it hadn't been an instant decision to leave the country on a wild shot to save him. She'd thought about both Jake and her dad before she'd finally agreed.

One more reason, if it had been good enough, might have been enough to keep her in Forks, to let Edward face his own fate.

"I don't think Sam ever told you," Jared continued softly. "But you were cold. Dangerously cold. And you probably wouldn't have woken up in time to save yourself. I think it was only Sam's body heat that kept you alive to get you indoors."

"You came to save me," she said softly, feeling the words sink into her with an almost physical warmth.

"I'll always come to save you. If you'll let me."

She stared up at him, awed by the simple passion in his voice, the concern crossing his handsome features. He tugged her even closer toward him, and she twisted more fully so that she could pull her knees up so that they pressed against his thigh, and then leaned against him to lay her cheek against the crook of his neck and shoulder. His arm slid down to hold her waist, his hand lightly grazing the exposed skin of her wrist. The contact with him was everything she'd ever wanted, and as they sat in silence she felt more peaceful than she had in days. This was _right_ , every cell in her body was screaming, this was —

Then the melodious voice that had starred in her most pleasant dreams until three days ago cracked over them like a whip.

"What's this?" her fiance said sharply. "Bella, what the hell are you doing with him?"

Edward had come to find her. She had asked him for space this evening, and he had still returned and hunted her down.

Bella knew he was right to be angry with her, but right now the low burn of shame she felt was overshadowed by sheer annoyance. He was disregarding what she had asked for _again_.

Jared scrambled upright, tugging her easily up with him and steadying her with a hand on the small of her back until she could stand without falling, in a gesture that was as effortless as if he'd been touching her for months.

"Get away from him, Bella," Edward said in a low voice. His eyes were dark, approaching a true black. He hadn't hunted yet.

"Bella," Jared said urgently. "Come back to the rez with me. Please. There are still some things we need to talk about."

Bella felt adrift, unmoored, as she stared between her fiance and her wolf.

"She won't be going anywhere with you, mutt," Edward snarled. He reached for her arm, and she flinched backward. She hadn't braced herself yet for his icy, hard touch.

"Bella…" The smallest pang of hurt entered Edward's voice, and she felt guilt grip her. He didn't understand, he couldn't understand…

Behind her, Jared started growling, a deep bass that permeated her core. "Don't fucking touch her," he snarled at Edward. "Bella, get back," he said roughly, as she moved closer to him.

"No," she said simply. She wasn't afraid of him. She could never be. "You're not going to hurt me. But you have to go, Jared."

He gave her a hurt look that felt a thousand time worse than Edward's, the spike of his pain reflecting back on to her. "For now," she said. She tried to pretend they were alone, that her fiance wasn't glaring at them both. "I'll talk to you later. Soon." She couldn't imagine going on very long without being able to touch him again.

He hesitated, looking from her and over her head to Edward, who had adopted his own fighting stance. "Go," she said again. "Please, Jared, for me. I'll come to you." The thought of him fighting Edward, of either of them getting hurt, made her sick to her stomach. She added her silent plea with her eyes to her verbal one.

Slowly, Jared nodded. "Okay. But please, Bella, come soon."

She nodded wordlessly, and then he was phasing and gone.

"Bella, I have no words," Edward said stiffly when they were alone.

She hung her head, knowing she deserved his disgust. What had she been thinking, pressing herself against Jared while they had talked so intimately to each other?

"What were you thinking?" he demanded when she didn't respond, echoing her own self-hating thoughts. "And why _him_ , of all the dogs?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but his expression changed minutely, and he stared over her head in the exact direction Jared had left her. She knew, because she could feel the pull again, begging her to close the distance between them.

Edward turned to her, and his eyes were still black. She felt the faintest bolt of fear, something she hadn't felt around him since the very beginning. "Bella," he said slowly. "What is an imprint?"

Her stomach dropped, but she just shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said, and she truly was, for hurting him, for not being able to turn off the thoughts and feelings coursing through her. "So, so sorry. But I can't talk to you right now, Edward."

Edward stared at her for a long minute, but she refused to explain further. He would try to take Jared from her. She clutched her chest. He would _try_ —

"You won't be talking to him, either," Edward said finally, flatly. "You're not going anywhere except inside your house."

Her head spinning, she didn't have the energy to even try to refute Edward's command. "Fine," she said quietly. "I'll stay in my room. I'm going to have the space I asked for before and you didn't give me."

He snorted a disbelieving laugh. "And damn well I didn't. I still can't believe you'd do this, Bella."

"Space, Edward," she repeated. "I deserve your anger, but I need some time to myself, to… adjust to it all."

"Fine." He was almost quivering with anger as he walked beside her back toward her house. She could see him glancing at him from the corner of her eye, as if she might start running away at any minute.

What had he said to her once? _As if you could outrun me._

It hadn't mattered, then. She'd never wanted to outrun him before.

She hated to admit it to herself, but now she did. _Just to talk to Jared_ , she told herself. Just for a while. That was all. They needed to have the air cleared between them, to learn how to manage the pull of the imprint. She just wanted to talk to him. Nothing more.

"I'll be upstairs," she said tiredly when they entered the house, once it was clear that Edward really wasn't going to leave her alone in the house. He gave her a short nod, his jaw tight.

She walked slowly up the stairs to her room. She didn't want to risk tripping now, didn't want to risk her blood being spilled. Jared would be furious that she'd allowed herself to be put in a position where she might bleed in front of Edward, especially considering how much he clearly needed to feed.

She locked her door, knowing full well it wouldn't do anything to keep Edward out if he actually wanted to come inside. She just hoped it sent him the message. She found her angriest punk rock CD and set it in her speaker.

Curling up on her bed miserably, Bella let the pounding bass pull her under, but it wasn't enough to keep her racing thoughts at bay, the feelings she couldn't escape, the same way she couldn't escape her fiance or the pull of the imprint bond.

She didn't know how much time had passed in her misery before she finally pulled herself off the bed, walking as quietly as possible to her door. Any hope she'd held that Edward had left vanished when she unlocked it and opened the door a crack to hear him talking downstairs. She couldn't quite make out his words over her music, but he wasn't making any particular effort to be quiet. Bella thought she heard Alice's name and the word "imprint," and she was almost positive he was on the phone with his sister, probably telling her what an awful person Bella was.

Closing the door softly, Bella sat back down on her bed and reached for her phone, which she'd forgotten to bring to school with her that morning. It was close to dead, but it would be enough for one call. She bit her lip, staring blankly at the screen for a few minutes. Then she made her decision.

She dialed the number Jake had entered months ago, just in case she'd needed to reach the pack and he wasn't around. It would probably hurt his feelings that she hadn't called him, but she needed his leader more, the man who'd been so kind to her and now she understood why.

"Sam?" she whispered when he picked up. She hoped desperately that the music in her room would be enough to cover the sound of her voice. "Edward won't let me leave my house."

There was a long pause. "We're coming," the Alpha said in his deep voice, and the line went dead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freedom and cages.

Bella set her phone beside her on the bed and turned on her back to stare at the ceiling, almost not believing what she'd just done.

She'd picked a side. She'd asked the pack to interfere in her relationship with Edward, when she'd always been so careful to walk the line of neutrality between the Cullens and the wolves.

Edward would see it as a betrayal. She touched her chest again — she needed to see Jared, and maybe even beyond that, she needed _answers_. She needed help that Edward would never be able to give her, that he would never _want_ to, even if he could.

Bella didn't know how long she lay in her bed, drowning in her circular thoughts and always coming back to the fact that she felt like she'd betrayed Edward. Only she was maybe more upset by the fact that it didn't feel as wrong as it should.

Something hit her bedroom window with a clattering sound, and she jolted, sitting upright. Her heart pounding, it took her a second to recognize the sound as small rocks hitting the glass.

She rushed over to the window and, to her shock, saw Paul standing on the grass below her, looking annoyed. With the window open, she could hear raised voices coming from downstairs. She recognized them immediately: Jake and Sam and Edward.

"Move out of the way, Swan," Paul said impatiently.

Still confused, she backed up farther away from the window, and he made an impossible running jump, catching the bottom of her window frame, and pulled himself up and into her room effortlessly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked immediately. She wanted to ask him where Jared was, but she already knew he wasn't anywhere close; from the direction she felt he was probably somewhere within a couple miles of the rez. She wanted him there with her in that moment like an almost physical ache.

Paul gave her a sardonic smile. "What, aren't you happy to see me? I'm busting you out, girl. Get whatever shit you want to bring and let's go."

This was what she wanted, wasn't it? Granted, she hadn't expected _Paul_ of all people to tag along on her rescue mission, but she desperately needed to escape her house. Now.

She fumbled for her purse and shoved her phone and phone charger in it and then nodded at Paul uncertainly. She was sure Emily would lend her anything she'd forgotten. "Okay."

"Let's get this shit show on the road, then." Paul pulled open her bedroom door, and the voices coming from downstairs grew even louder, almost shouting but not quite.

Edward was standing at the base of the stairs like he was guarding the path to her bedroom. Sam and Jake were both facing him from the doorway, their postures identical in their stiffness. Jake's eyes were blazing as he looked over Edward's shoulder and made eye contact with her.

Edward spun around and caught sight of her and Paul, and his eyes widened in surprise. He clearly hadn't heard Paul come into her room.

Paul pushed her aside to stand in front of her protectively, which was quite possibly the nicest thing he'd ever done for her.

"Leave _now_ ," Edward said in a low voice, emphasizing the words with cold deliberateness. "You are not taking my _fiance_ from me."

None of the three boys looked intimidated. "You aren't her jailer, Cullen," Sam said flatly. "Get out of our way."

"Bella is _confused_ ," Edward said. His voice had taken on that tone that Bella had always hated, the tone that said that he, in his decades of wisdom, knew what was best for her better than she did. "This imprinting nonsense is…" He shook his head. "She is _my_ fiance, and _I_ will help her."

"I don't think so," Sam said, shifting his weight. "Don't let this come to a fight, Cullen. You have no right to prevent her from doing anything, much less trapping her in her own _house_."

Beside him, Jake's growls got louder, and he started to vibrate with rage.

"You see?" Edward spun to face Bella, and she met his eyes — all the black of his pupils now — from where she was peering around Paul's broad back. "They are _dangerous_ , Bella."

"I'm staying far away from Bella, leech," Jake growled. "And Paul would stop me before I could touch her, even if I was close enough. Now get the fuck out of our way."

Edward snarled, and all three of the wolves took a step closer to him, trapping him on a step halfway down the stairs.

"You need to get out of this house," Sam said, and the implacability in his voice now held a dangerous edge, as well. _"Now_." He moved slightly so that there was a narrow gap between the stairwell and the floor.

Edward hesitated, looking like he was considering taking on all three of them, and Bella watched in speechless horror.

After a long moment, he seemed to think better of himself and straightened up. With one last glare that didn't exactly exclude her, he was a blur out the front door and was gone.

Bella's shoulders drooped. She'd done it again — she'd sided with the pack in a clear standoff. She hadn't even tried to reason with Edward this time.

"Come on, Bells," Jake said, reaching for her hand and helping her down the stairs. She was grateful for his help, since every muscle in her body felt shaky as she absorbed what exactly she'd done.

"I can't believe I did that," she said faintly as Jake led her to her truck.

Behind her, Paul snorted. "What, grow a pair and stand up to the bloodsucker for the first time?"

Bella fought back the immediate rush of defensiveness and actually considered the question. "Yeah," she said finally.

She'd figured Sam and Paul at least would just want to phase and run back to La Push, but when she slid into the middle as Jake took the driver's side, Sam and Paul slid in on her other side. It was cramped, but they all managed to squeeze in.

"We need to talk," Sam said, seeing her surprised expression. "And I want to do it before you see Jared again."

"What's wrong?" Bella asked immediately, her heart racing. She reached out as if the tug was a physical thing, letting herself feel it and reassuring her that she knew where he was and that he wasn't in danger. "Is he okay?"

Paul snorted. "Like you care."

" _Paul_ ," Sam said sharply. "She wouldn't have come with us if she didn't care."

"She just wants to fuck with him for a while. She doesn't care if he dies—"

Bella felt a rush of ice sweep down her veins. " _What_?" she gasped.

"Shut the fuck up, Paul," Jake snapped.

" _Jake_." She turned and gripped her best friend's wrist compulsively. "Tell me _right now_ what's wrong with Jared."

"Jared is as fine as he can be, Bella," Sam said soothingly.

"For now," Paul muttered.

Bella glanced over at him and then to Sam. "What aren't you telling me, Sam?"

Sam sighed. "There's so much we don't know about how imprinting works. I've had Old Quil and a couple others on the Council go through some of our written histories — which, unfortunately, we don't have much of. But we do know a few things, the most important of which is that the wolf's goal is to make his imprint happy. No matter the cost to himself."

"What are you saying?" Bella asked hoarsely.

"He's saying that you turning into a leech could kill Jared," Paul said.

If she had been standing her knees probably would have given out, so great was the sheer rush of shock and horror. " _What_?"

"We don't know that for sure, Bells," Jake said hastily.

"But we don't know it won't, either," Sam said heavily. "The truth is we won't know unless it does happen — unless you _are_ turned."

"Why would that happen?" she asked, the tightness in her throat making it difficult for her to talk around.

Jake squeezed her knee as Sam answered, "Because we think it will register as your death to the imprint bond. And wolves don't survive their imprints' deaths."

Bella didn't realize she'd started crying until she felt the trails cooling on her cheeks. How had she gotten herself into this mess? This was a nightmare she wished desperately she could wake up from.

And worse, she was going to drag Jared down with her. She hated herself for what she was putting him through. He deserved to imprint on someone so much better, so much more worthy than her. And he would have let her walk away, accepting his own death without her ever realizing, because he was that noble and so much better than her.

Sam reached into her glove box and pulled out a couple of tissues and handed them to her.

"He's trapped," Bella said in a tiny voice, wiping her eyes. "He's trapped with _me_. What did…" her throat caught. "What did he do to deserve that?"

"The million dollar question, Swan," Paul said, but most of the vitriol had left his voice.

Jake wrapped his free arm around her shoulders while he drove, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "We're going to figure this out, Bells," he said, and she loved him for the confidence in his voice. "For now we're away from the lee… the Cullens, and you have a little time to think."

Bella just nodded miserably, knowing she wouldn't be able to say anything else without starting to cry again.

The tug in her chest was telling her that Jared was closer now. She wanted to tell Jake to drive faster, but at the same time dread coiled in her belly. Jared had to hate her now, if he hadn't before. She understood. _She_ would hate her, too, if their positions were reversed. She would stay out of his way if that was what he wanted.

Jake finally pulled up in front of Sam's house, and Bella felt Jared just inside. She felt like she'd forgotten how to move. She wondered if he would yell, if he would even meet her eyes.

Jake opened the driver's side door and dropped to the ground, and taking a deep breath, she slid over to follow him. But standing on the ground waiting for her wasn't Jake but Jared, his expression tight with worry as he examined her face.

"Jared," she choked out, forgetting that she hadn't wanted to cry in front of him. She knew he wouldn't miss her reddened eyes and wet cheeks, anyway.

His eyes flashed with anger, but she could feel that it wasn't with her. He reached for her with gentle hands to help her out of the cab, and then they were _complete_ again. He let her go and started to step back, his eyes meeting someone's over her head, but she stepped back into his warmth without thinking about it.

He immediately stopped trying to move away, and his arms wrapped around her in delicious heat as he hugged her against his body. She rested her wet cheek against his chest and inhaled slowly against the soft fabric of his t-shirt, trying to clear her head of everything awful that had happened since Edward had found them, since Sam had told her the consequences of her relationship with Edward.

Bella knew she should step back. A hug was one thing, but attaching herself to Jared so intimately would just give the wrong impression.

…Which was?

She didn't know anymore. All she knew was that if she stopped touching Jared right now she felt like she would die.

He did the nuzzling thing again, pressing his nose against the crook of her neck and rubbing his face against her skin.

Surprised, she giggled wetly, and he did it again, inhaling deeply.

"Jared," Sam said from behind her.

Jared stiffened, pulling her more tightly against himself. She melted against him without consciously planning to. "You told her."

"She had a right to know," Sam said calmly.

Bella twisted in Jared's arms, meaning to step away from him to have this conversation with Sam. Jared let her twist around, but then just pulled her by the hips back against his chest. When his arm wrapped across her lower stomach, anchoring her to him, she couldn't bring herself to pull away.

"She had a right not to have yet another supernatural element dictating her life," Jared snapped. She could feel his anger as if it was reverberating inside herself, but she knew it wasn't the dangerous, hot anger that compelled the wolves to phase. This was cold, controlled anger. "You aren't supposed to interfere with imprints, Sam. It's bad enough that you ordered me to stay behind."

So he hadn't stayed away on purpose. Bella probably shouldn't have felt so much pleasure at that fact, but she did. He had _wanted_ to come to her.

"Because you would have tried to kill him, Jared," Sam said, followed immediately by Jake adding heatedly, "There were no good options here, Jared. Bella would never have forgiven herself if you… if the worst had happened and she hadn't known it was a possibility."

Bella tilted her head back against Jared's chest, craning her neck to look up at him. "You really weren't going to tell me?"

His eyes were agonized, clearly not knowing what the right answer was. He bent down to press his nose to her neck again. "I'm trying to give you every option," he said against her skin. "I'm fucking everything up, but I'm _trying_."

She felt a jolt like a live current rush from her neck throughout the rest of her body. "You have to tell me these things, Jared," she whispered to him, trying to maintain her focus. "If they affect both of us, I need to know, too."

Why was she setting up expectations like they would have some sort of relationship going forward? Maybe in the future they could be friends, somehow.

Jared nuzzled her again, seeming to sense her distress, and she closed her eyes and let herself just _feel_ him for a minute, their bond warm and soothing. When she opened her eyes again, she saw that they were standing alone in Sam's front yard.

"Where…?" she started, twisting around in his arms to see where they had gone.

Jared shot her a look of amusement, all evidence of his anger gone. Maybe she soothed him just as much as he soothed her. "Come on, Miss Unobservant."

She found Embry and Quil sprawled out on the closer of the two couches as Jared pushed open the front door. They looked up, and Embry, who had always been the nicest to her, grinned at them, while Quil's eyes zeroed in on her hands, which she just realized now were clutching Jared's arm. She blushed and let one of her hands drop, but she couldn't bring herself to let the other one go.

"Hey, man," Embry said to Jared, kicking Quil so that he sat upright and left room on the couch for both of them. "You doin' okay, Bells?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," she said quietly, not sure how much she was lying.

Sam, who had been talking quietly with Jake and Emily in the kitchen, walked back into the living room with Jake right behind him. They took seats on the opposite sofa, and Bella uncertainly followed as Jared led her to sit between Embry and Quil.

Or she'd thought that was where she was going, but Quil was suddenly scrambling to the far end of the couch next to Embry, clearly seeing something in Jared's eyes that Bella couldn't, and she found herself pressed against the arm of the couch. Jared sat down next to her, and she curled into him immediately, taking a deep breath without thinking about it. She heard his slow, deep chuckle and blushed again.

"The doctor called here," Sam said when they were all seated, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He looked tired, and Bella felt even guiltier for that. She'd brought so much pain to the pack.

Jared nudged her shoulder. "Quit it," he said quietly.

This emotion-sensing thing he had with her was eerie. She wondered if she'd get better at sensing his.

"He wanted to know what happened with Edward. Emily said he was polite, but it was pretty clear he was pissed."

"I'll call him back," Bella said immediately. "Let him know it was my fault and not the pack's." She felt a hard lump in her stomach at the thought of leaving La Push again so soon, but if it was for the good of the pack… if it helped Jared…

"No," Jared said immediately.

"Jared," she pleaded, staring up at him, "Edward… he could do something rash. He could break the treaty. I can't let you or anyone get hurt because of me."

"He's treating you like a _thing_ , Bella," Jared snapped, and she felt a pang of hurt that he was speaking to her like that. He seemed to sense it, and his voice softened a little. "Like a _toy_. This isn't fucking Saudi Arabia. You don't need his permission to go anywhere."

"There will be no apologies," Sam agreed, and her attention snapped back to the Alpha. He was the one who would make the final decision, after all. "I'll call to explain what happened, but that's it. If they break the treaty, we'll act accordingly."

Next to her, where she could feel their shoulders touching, Jared relaxed infinitesimally. Sam turned to Bella. "I'm glad you felt comfortable calling me today, Bella. No matter your relationship to the Cullens, you shouldn't ever have to feel afraid of them."

Bella nodded, suddenly feeling very tired. She felt like she'd experienced so many emotional highs and lows today that she was physically exhausted from them. "Thank you for coming," she said. She pressed her head against Jared's shoulder for an instant. His hand slid to her thigh and squeezed gently. "You didn't have to."

"We wanted to," Jake said. "Even Paul," he added with a grin.

Bella raised her eyebrows at her biggest anti-fan in surprise. To her surprise, he looked almost embarrassed. "Only for Jared's sake," he muttered. "And the idea of leeches trapping anyone pissed me off."

"Thanks, dude," Jared said quietly from beside her, something almost guilty in his voice. Bella remembered Jared saying that they had been best friends before they'd phased, and knew that Jared had avoided Paul just as much as he'd avoided the rest of the pack.

Sam looked the faintest bit amused at Jared and Paul's interaction, and then his expression turned serious again. "Can you tell us what you know of the Italian vampires?" he asked Bella. "They seemed to conveniently just miss the battle. The doctor told us a little, but I think he was leaving something out."

"I met them in Italy last year," Bella said, remembering the fear and overwhelming panic she had felt that day. "Edward thought I was dead, that I had killed myself. I had to prove to him I hadn't."

She felt Jared vibrate with anger, just the slightest bit, and she pressed tighter into his side. "And some of the Volturi guards made us come speak to the three… kings, I guess they are. Humans aren't allowed to know about vampires. They said I had to turn or they would kill me. One of them — Aro — can read minds, and Alice showed them a vision of me as a vampire."

Multiple growls broke out in the room at that, but Jared went very still beside her, clearly waiting for the very worst. "He said if it happened soon they would let me go," she finished quietly.

"The little girl vampire—" Sam said.

"Jane," Bella supplied.

He nodded. "Jane told the Cullens that Aro wouldn't be pleased that you were still human. Alice claimed that the date was set, that it would be soon, and Jane eventually agreed to relay the message to Aro."

Bella felt like her veins were frozen. Did Alice truly know that she would still become a vampire? Aro hadn't been with the delegation, so Alice could have lied without Jane or the others knowing.

Why was she so eager to believe Alice had been lying?

"Sam," she said, leaning forward, "please, I've got to figure out how to stay away from Jared, how to stay away from all of you." She couldn't stop herself from pressing her hand over Jared's hand on her leg, letting her fingers fall between his. Just saying those words felt jarringly wrong. "I'm putting you all in danger."

"We'll find a way," Sam said without any apparent sense of worry. "The doctor isn't awful to talk to, and neither is the scarred one. They want the Italian leeches out of this just as much as we do. Carlisle told us they don't think in human time, that their next 'check-in' could be in fifty years."

"Carlisle has known them for centuries," Bella said slowly. "Maybe he still has some sway with them."

"I'll speak with him about that, too," Sam said. "Anything else?"

Bella shook her head. Nothing that he could help her with, anyway, unless he could take her to a therapist with experience in the supernatural. Her heart and head had never felt so torn apart in her entire life.

"Alright." Sam rose. "I'll make the call. Stay here as long as you like."

Bella nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to start crying again. She kept wanting to try to find a solution that would make everyone in her life happy, but she knew one didn't exist.

"Hey," Jared said softly, nudging her with his shoulder. "Talk to me."

She shook her head and kept her eyes closed, knowing that if she opened them and met his eyes she would burst into tears again. But she couldn't stop herself from turning into his warmth, and when he pulled his hand away from her leg and tugged on her wrists, she let herself fall forward half against his chest without resisting.

His hand came up to stroke her back softly, and she bit her lip hard. No more crying. _No crying._ Letting go of her stiff hold over herself, she let herself relax into him. This could be the last time he would ever be able to hold her like this. She needed to make sure she remembered every second of it —

This time she felt the shudder of pain go through both of them. "Bella," he said hoarsely. "Please…"

She didn't know what he was going to say next, because suddenly she was sobbing so hard it hurt, clutching Jared's shoulders tightly enough that she was probably leaving marks from her nails, but he didn't flinch. Her chest felt like it was being split down the middle as she clutched Jared as if he was the only thing keeping her from being lost forever in her whirling mass of emotions.

"Jared," she choked. "It hurts."

"I know, baby," he whispered, and held her tighter.

She believed him. He could see her, he could _feel_ her. She was dragging him down with her.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "So sorry."

She was apologizing for a hundred things, and she didn't even know which ones. To Jared, to Edward, to the pack, to the Cullens, to Sam and Jake and her dad.

"Shh, babe. I know." She opened her mouth to start apologizing again, but he raised one of his hands to cradle the back of her head and firmly press her against his chest so that she couldn't speak.

Bella focused on breathing in his scent again — in and out, in and out — and though she knew he was as upset as she was, his breathing was still steady, his heartbeat strong and even.

After her sobs had slowly deteriorated to tiny choking noises, she lifted her head from his chest, the embarrassment of being seen like this by everyone rushing in. But the living room was completely empty now, and even Emily was gone from the kitchen.

"They wanted to give us some privacy," Jared said softly. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. None of them has ever had to go through anything like this."

"I shouldn't drag you through this with me," Bella said, her throat still thick. Jared reached behind the couch and handed her a tissue box. "It's not fair to you." She didn't pull away though, because she was that selfish.

"I want you to," Jared said seriously. "No matter what."

"I'm just going to end up hurting you more than I already have," she said as she wiped her eyes, feeling so miserable she was almost numb to it.

"Let me take that risk."

She was just opening her mouth to tell him she couldn't let him do that, that that was the imprint bond talking and she needed to cut this off for his own sake, when her phone rang. Just to avoid the conversation with Jared for a few minutes longer, she pulled it out of her purse on the floor.

It was Edward. She closed her eyes so she didn't have to see Jared's expression as she answered the call.

She was surprised to find that she was still angry at Edward. Normally any anger, on the rare times she'd experienced it with her fiance, evaporated within an hour, and usually sooner than that.

Not this time.

"I'm here," she said dully.

Edward spoke immediately, his words almost too fast for her to understand. "Love, I am _so_ incredibly sorry for how I behaved this evening. I've spoken with Carlisle, and he's helped me understand exactly where I went wrong in how I handled the situation."

Those words didn't calm her. "You couldn't figure it out for yourself? Seriously?"

"Now, Bella, I think you'll agree that we still need to have conversation about that… mutt. I had reason to be angry." His voice had taken on that slightly patronizing note she'd always hated.

An icy chill swept through her veins. _"_ _First_ of all, Edward _,_ his name is Jared, he is a _person,_ and he helped us in the battle. Don't talk about him like he's nothing. Second, yes, you had the right to be angry. I was going to talk to you about it, to apologize. But I needed _space_ first, just like I told you when you found me in the woods this afternoon, despite me asking for space. You don't get to trap me in my own fucking _house_ because you're mad at me."

She almost couldn't believe she'd said _that_ word to him, but she'd meant it, and she didn't apologize. Maybe the pack was rubbing off on her.

Edward didn't say anything for a long time.

"Please come home, Bella," he said finally. "I'm truly sorry for my actions this afternoon."

She was suddenly so, so tired, with guilt and despair and pain. "I'll come home," she said heavily. There wasn't really a way not to, anyway. Charlie wouldn't let her spend the night at Sam and Emily's on a school night. "And you can stop by long enough to see that I'm there. But then you need to go, Edward. I need space from you tonight."

There was another long pause. "It's your decision, of course," Edward said stiffly.

Why did she feel like thanking him, as if he were doing her a favor by not overruling her wishes and staying in her room? She bit her lip on the "thanks" that almost tumbled off her lips automatically.

"I'll be home within an hour," she said instead. "You should be able to run by easily enough to see that I'm there. I'll see you in school tomorrow." She hung up before he could tell her that he loved her, if he had been going to say it at all.

Jared's eyes on her were raw with pain and concern. "I have to go back tonight," she told him softly. "It was never an option for me to stay here overnight."

He didn't argue, just nodded reluctantly. She couldn't face the vulnerability she saw in his eyes, especially since she was the source of it. She wanted so badly to reassure him that it would be okay, but she couldn't promise that, and she couldn't lie to him.

She clutched her chest, knowing the pain shooting through her was both of their pain, that being apart from each other felt fundamentally unnatural.

She fumbled for the truck keys Jake had tossed on the coffee table and rose on shaky legs, feeling utterly drained. Jared rose and walked with her, and at her truck she stepped into his arms without waiting to see if he would reach for her, letting him hug her while more tears rolled down her cheeks.

They stood like that for a long time, and then she pressed her face against his chest one more time, inhaling. She looked up at him, and his pained eyes met hers. "I've got to go," she whispered, and even though they were in the middle of Sam and Emily's front yard, it felt like it was just the two of them in the world, sharing this painful moment.

He nodded again, not protesting, though she could feel his pain as if it were her own.

"You'll be out there tonight?" she asked selfishly. She didn't think she'd be able to sleep if he wasn't close.

"Always," he said softly.

She let her hands around his waist slip to down to squeeze his fingertips. He squeezed back.

Then, turning quickly so he wouldn't see her eyes filling with tears again, she climbed into her truck. She didn't look back, afraid that if she did she would go running back into his arms, where she'd never felt more right in her life.

She didn't remember the drive home, only able to think of the exact feel of Jared's skin against hers, of how the pull had been soothed by his presence but now ached all over again without him. Once she got back to her house she wished her dad goodnight and hurried up the stairs, hoping to get her encounter with Edward over with quickly.

She slipped into the bathroom to wash for bed and pull on her pajamas and found her fiance standing by the window as she stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes hidden in the dark.

"You're safe," he said in a low voice, appraising her with a frown. He looked at her clothes in her arms. She wondered if they smelled like the wolves to him, like Jared. She hoped they did.

"I always was," she said, keeping her voice steady even as she wanted to shout for the dozenth time that the wolves were not a danger to her. "I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. At school," she added, wanting him to understand that she planned to drive herself, as well.

He gave her one last long look and finally nodded. "Until then," he agreed, and then he was gone.

Bella lay down on her bed and wanted to cry again at the ache of loneliness. Without thinking about it, she grabbed the shirt she'd worn today and pressed her face to it. She could smell Jared on it, faintly, and she curled up in a ball with the cloth pressed against her cheek.

Finally, imagining Jared was there with her, she slept.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies and truth.

Bella had forgotten until she was pulling into her school parking lot the next morning and heard some of her friends yelling at each other across the parking lot about their lunch plans that it was an end-of-year standardized test day, which seniors were exempt from. She only had class until lunchtime, which meant she would have no excuses to be away from Edward and Alice after school.

As she climbed out of her truck, her eyes were immediately drawn to Edward, leaning against the wall near the entrance to the school. Even across the expanse of the parking lot she could see that his eyes, gold again, were fixed on her.

"Good morning," she said uncertainly when she came to a stop in front of him. She hugged herself, feeling chilled again. She'd forgotten her hoodie at home.

She wondered if Jared had one he would give her. Preferably one she could get him to wear first so that it would smell like him. There was no reason any of the wolves would need cold weather clothes, anyway.

_Focus_ , Bella thought furiously. _Focus on your fiance._

"Good morning," he replied evenly, and Bella's stomach twisted. She knew he hadn't forgotten the many things they had to discuss. She hated confrontations, but she knew he deserved for her to have an honest conversation with him.

"Edward…" she started. He raised an eyebrow at her and waited for her to continue. "I'd like to talk to you," she finished in a rush, forcing herself to get the words out. She was lying — she didn't really want to talk to him, but she knew that she should, that she needed to. "This afternoon."

He pressed his lips together and nodded. Immediately she turned back into a coward, and tried to come up with a reason to delay their conversation further.

"After I get lunch with my dad," she said, and he spared her a look of faint surprise.

She was surprised too, but the words felt right once she'd said them. Her dad was a perfect excuse, not just because he was her parent and she should want to spend time with him, but because she knew Edward found his thoughts difficult to read. Her privacy would be at least a little more protected.

He frowned. "Bella, we need to talk about this—"

"Of course we do," she agreed. "But Edward, I need to spend time with Charlie." She searched for a reason he would accept. "I'll have all the time in the world with you, but I'll be dead to him soon."

She bit down hard on her tongue. Saying those words hurt. A lot. She hadn't ever said it aloud quite like that.

If she continued with her plan to change into a vampire, in a few months her dad was going to spend the rest of his life thinking she was dead.

Before now Bella hadn't really stopped to think about the effect that would have on him. He'd told her about Riley's parents, how desperate they'd been without a body to mourn. And with Riley in ashes now there would never be one. His parents would probably spend the rest of their lives with a little place in their hearts irreparably empty, seeking closure that would never come. That couldn't.

Bella spared a brief, quick wish that Jared wasn't close enough to hear her speak about being dead. She used all her willpower not to even let her eyes flicker toward the forest, where she could feel him. He was half a mile away or a little more. She knew the wolves had gotten good at playing to the limit of Edward's mind reading abilities, and she was almost certain he was out of range of both Edward's powers and his own sensitive hearing. She'd already caused him so much pain.

Edward looked at her in a silence for a few seconds, and she tried to keep expression open and honest as she met his eyes. She _did_ need to see her dad, to talk to him. She missed him, and she wasn't sure she would ever stop missing him, even if she became a vampire and her memories of him faded.

"Fine," he said shortly. She tried not to make her sigh of relief too obvious. "And then you'll be back home this afternoon?"

She bit her lip before she could say something annoyed about having to check in with him about when she'd be back. _He just wants to know_ , she tried to calm herself. _It makes sense that he would want to know._

"Yes," she said, and she tried not to make her voice come out sounding too clipped. There was no point in making him angry again, and that would probably only delay their conversation further. Much as she dreaded it, she didn't think she'd be able to fall asleep tonight if she was still worrying about his anger at her.

Nodding, he tilted his head toward the entrance to the school. "The warning bell is going to ring soon."

She offered him a tentative smile, and the word "truce" almost visibly hovered in the air between them. This time he gave her a fond look, and she turned with him to go to their lockers.

Even so, he didn't put his arm around her this time, and she hated herself for being glad of it.

Most of her classes that morning were relatively laid back; many had lower-year students missing due to testing, so the teachers gave simple or non-existent assignments, leaving Bella's mind free to wander, and not in especially pleasant directions. The tug that she knew was Jared was still out in the woods somewhere around a mile away, and her attention kept returning to it.

In her history class, her teacher realized he had taken the wrong DVD from the school library for the documentary he wanted to show them, and Bella, desperately aching to be outside the cramped classroom, volunteered to run to the school library and exchange it for the correct one.

DVD in hand, she walked out of the building until she reached the awning that covered the short path that led the library. The sidewalk was empty, and she breathed in the damp air slowly, considering.

She could start walking now. Edward had health class on the opposite end of the school, and he didn't have the internal homing beacon that Bella did for Jared. She could make it to the woods before Edward even knew she had left the school grounds.

She trembled with indecision, the DVD case of a French Revolution documentary shaking in her hands.

Then Mike stepped out of the portable next to her, a laminated bathroom pass in his hand. "Bella!" he said brightly, but his brow furrowed uncertainly as he took her in just standing there.

The moment was gone, and Bella's gaze snapped to her friend. "Hey, Mike," she said, trying to sound normal. She raised the DVD case in her hand awkwardly. "Um, Mr. Jackson sent me to get the right movie for class."

Mike chuckled nervously. She knew he hadn't forgotten what she'd been like after Edward had left her last fall. He probably thought she was going crazy in a new way, now. "Yeah, he's pretty scatter-brained," he said.

"Yeah." Bella's eyes returned to the forest before she could stop herself. She had to go back to class. She had a witness now — not that she thought that Mike would rat her out, but Edward would probably seek her friends out to read their minds if she went missing. Mike didn't deserve to be dragged through Edward's swath of righteous indignation.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. She'd find a way to get to Jared soon.

Mike was saying something by the time she opened her eyes, but she had so much on her mind that her friend's chattering didn't even register with her.

"I'm sorry, Mike, I've got to go," she said, hoping she was injecting the appropriate amount of regret into her words. He frowned but didn't protest as she turned quickly, forcibly dragging herself to the library and away from the forest.

The French Revolution didn't hold Bella's attention any more than most things did these days, and her next two classes were the same. By the time the last bell rang for lunch, she was almost in tears from frustration. It all felt like too much — being trapped at school, forcing herself to resist the tug of the bond, and having to act normally, lovingly, around her fiance. Everything seemed to have gone wrong in such a short amount of time.

Alice bounced up to her in the hallway as Bella was pulling her backpack out of her locker. A small frown graced Alice's delicate features when she saw the tears welling in Bella's eyes.

Bella swallowed hard, refusing to cry. "It's just been a rough few days," she said quietly. She knew Edward might be within hearing distance, even if she had wanted to open up to Alice about what she was feeling.

But she didn't, she was surprised to find. Alice had always been awful about the pack, maybe even worse than Edward was. Bella had accepted that about her, just like she'd accepted her position as perpetually being the pack's defender against the Cullens.

She didn't want to anymore. She was so tired of justifying her choices to Alice as well as to Edward. "I'll see you later, Alice," she said quietly. "I'm going to see Charlie."

She glanced up at Alice long enough to see a look of genuine concern on her friend's face, as if she was just now realizing that Bella might not be perfectly happy. "Tell him you've missed him," Alice said after closing her eyes for a moment. "He'll feel too guilty to take off for lunch unless you do."

Bella gave her a small, surprised smile. This was the Alice she remembered, the girl she'd so quickly become friends with when she'd moved to Forks. "Thank you, Alice," she said softly, and turned to the parking lot before Edward could intercept her.

Her dad's expression flashed from surprised to concerned in less than a second when Bella stepped into his office. He'd been flipping through a pile of papers, other files and loose papers scattered across his desk, but he pushed them aside carelessly as he rose. Bella wondered if he was still helping the Seattle PD with the search for Riley.

She wondered when they would give up looking.

"What's wrong, Bells?" he said, scanning her face for hints of trouble. "What happened? Why aren't you at school?"

Bella felt a rush of shame that she had never come to see him at work, that coming now would immediately make him assume the worst.

"I had a half day today," she said, and his shoulders relaxed infinitesimally.

She'd gotten better at opening up to her dad over the past year and a half, but she still found it difficult to talk about emotions with him. She forced out the words anyway. "I've missed you. I just wanted to get lunch with you."

His eyes flickered back to the files piled on his desk, and Bella knew Alice had been right, that guilt over his duties would make him feel obligated to remain at the station.

"Just for an hour," Bella pleaded.

After a moment, her dad nodded. "Need some fresh air anyway," he said, and grabbed his cell phone and pager from his desk. "Where did you want to go?"

She floundered. She hadn't thought this out very well, just known she'd wanted to see her dad, talk to him. "Um, the coffee shop off of Tilicum?" she offered. The little cafe also sold sandwiches and salads.

Her dad nodded. "Works for me."

He drove his cruiser separately in case he was called in while they were eating, and Bella took a seat before he arrived and ordered two coffees. She felt weirdly nervous talking to her own father. He had been suspicious of Edward since she'd come back from her encounter with James in Phoenix, and she was so used to every slightly meaningful discussion they had about the Cullens coming down to an argument over Edward. She had no idea how she was supposed to talk to him about the wedding.

She took the cowardly way out and decided to leave that part out for now. It would be hard enough talk to her dad about Edward without having to restrain him from tracking Edward down with his Glock.

The bell on the door frame chimed, and her dad walked in and sat down heavily across from her in the rickety plastic chair. In the bright light he looked even more tired and drawn than he had at the station.

Bella's heart pricked for him. He'd been going through his own pain, with Harry's death and the search for Riley and stress over her, and she had barely even considered that.

"Coffee's on its way," she told him.

"Thanks, Bells," he told her, offering her a tired smile. "So, what's this about? You know I love seeing you, but this is a little unusual."

Bella nodded. "I'm just…" She hesitated, but there was no one else to talk to who wasn't either the wolves or the vampires. And she trusted her dad, and Edward could barely read his thoughts. He was her best option. "I'm… I don't know, Dad. Just… thinking through some things."

_Unhappy? Conflicted?_ Those were much better words, but she wasn't ready to admit them aloud.

"About Edward?" Her dad's tone took on the flat tone it always did when discussing her fiance. "Is he hurting you ag— ?" He cut off abruptly, clearing his throat, but Bella knew her dad's opinion well enough to know what he'd wanted to add. _Again_.

Was Edward hurting her _again_.

She swallowed, her throat tight. This might be even harder for her to discuss than she'd thought.

But she was here, and she was already acting weird from Charlie's perspective, so she might as well make the best of it it. "Not him, exactly," she said slowly. "The situation. Um, and other people."

"'Other people'?" her dad repeated. "Meaning Jake?" The server came back with their coffee, and Charlie took a long drink of his, his eyes not leaving hers.

Bella pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Among… others."

Her dad set down his cup and gave her a penetrating look. "And is this 'other' the real reason you've been spending so much time at La Push?"

Bella knew she couldn't discuss Jared with Charlie. There was no way she could translate the imprint into a non-supernatural version. "That part doesn't matter, Dad."

He didn't look any less suspicious. In fact, she'd probably just confirmed the existence of the mysterious "other" in her life. "So what _does_ matter?" was all he asked, though.

And that was the crux of the problem, wasn't it? What _did_ matter? That since Saturday nothing had seemed simple anymore? That she hadn't been herself for almost a week, that she was hurting her relationship with Edward and his family? That she was seeing things in her relationship that she had never allowed herself to see before, and that terrified her?

"I'm thinking things I didn't used to think," she said finally, deciding she could share that with her dad. Before her dad could press for details, she couldn't stop herself from adding, "I feel like I'm going crazy, Dad. I don't _want_ to be thinking the things I do. I was happy, before." She was pretty sure, at least.

She was also pretty sure she was being so vague and disjointed that she probably wasn't making any sense. She hoped he didn't think she was trying to say she'd been hearing voices or something.

But her dad had always been sharp. "This is about Edward?" he asked, and it was just barely a question.

This was the moment where Bella could shake her head and laugh and claim she was talking about a million other less important things, like where to go to college or whether she wanted to move back home with her mother after graduating, or even how she felt about Jacob. But she didn't.

"Yes," she whispered.

And there it was. Now her feelings and fears and thoughts no longer existed entirely in her own head. There was tangible evidence, if Edward ever made the effort to concentrate on Charlie's difficult-to-grasp thoughts. That meant she might as well go all in, right?

"Sometimes…" she said, trying to choose her words carefully. "He gets upset. He… doesn't trust that I know what's best for myself."

"He makes decisions for you?" her dad asked.

"Sometimes, kind of." More than just "kind of," but Bella wasn't willing to admit that much to her dad right now.

Their server approached again, a smile on his face, but Charlie waved him away, his eyes serious on her. "Bells, he doesn't pressure you…" He grimaced. "…sexually?"

In a distantly horrified way, she was sort of impressed he'd gotten that word out. "No! Dad, no, I promise, not in that way." It was probably the only area Edward would never pressure her in, but she wasn't about to tell her dad that detail. "I'm probably just overreacting."

He looked a little relieved, but only a little. "Just because he's not pressuring you like that still doesn't mean it's acceptable to force you into other decisions. Even if he has your best interests at heart." He smiled a little. "I know I haven't always been a big part of your life, Bells, but I'm still your father. You're independent enough not to need your boyfriend to be another one."

Unbidden, the memory of Edward disabling her truck last month so that she couldn't go to La Push rose up. That memory still made Bella's blood pressure rise. He'd been acting like a father then, hadn't he? Taking a decision about something that was really important to her away.

"He wants to keep me safe," she murmured, knowing that was always Edward's reasoning. How much could she begrudge him for that, really? He loved her, so of course he wanted her to be safe. Maybe she was overreacting.

"Do you _want_ to be kept safe?" her dad asked.

But the answer came to her immediately. "No. I want to decide if something's safe, and if I have a good reason to do it, I want to do it anyway."

"So you want the same thing everyone else does," her dad said.

Was that true? Edward had always made it seem like she was ridiculously incapable of making good decisions in her life, starting and ending with her choice to remain friends with Jake and the rest of the pack as his prime example.

She knew the risks of being around the wolves, as slight as they were, and she'd been willing to take that chance, every single time. Wasn't she taking a small risk every time she was with any vampires in just the same way? If she bled and Jasper or one of the other Cullens wasn't braced for it, the same thing that had happened on her birthday could happen again.

"Yeah," she said slowly. "I guess maybe it's not so weird."

Her dad leaned forward. "Honey, I know you don't want to hear this, but people who're… not good, people who I bring in for what they do to women, or who I hear about from women who come in to the station… they try to take choices from women. They don't always hurt them physically or sexually. They trap them in other ways, like making them doubt themselves or by being jealous."

But Edward _wasn_ _'_ _t_ a person. He had different views, different priorities, because he had to worry about supernatural things hurting her, because he'd been alive for over a century and just plain _knew_ things she didn't.

Bella knew he thought he knew better than her about almost everything, and maybe he was even right. She thought he even sometimes thought of her as a child. But how could you want to marry someone you thought of as a child? He had to pick one side or the other. He couldn't treat her both ways.

The waiter stepped forward again, and Bella ordered a salad without reading its description, and she was pretty sure her dad did the same with his sandwich.

"He loves me," she told her dad weakly when the server was gone. Surely she was being unfair to Edward. He was kind and loving and only wanted the best for her.

"I never said he didn't." To her surprise, he reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "But love isn't always healthy, Bells. It isn't always combined with healthy things. And the women who come down to the station for help — a lot of them still love the men they're trying to escape."

She felt her stomach lurch. If her dad was right, and if she had wanted to escape (which she _didn_ _'_ _t_ , she told herself firmly), it wouldn't necessarily have to be because she didn't love Edward anymore. She'd never thought about love not being everything, being necessary but not sufficient.

Some of what her dad was saying echoed Jake's words over the past couple months, she realized uncomfortably. Stated much less eloquently than her father, and with more references to blood and fewer life experiences thrown in, but they still would have sat here mostly agreeing with each other.

For once, Bella was so, so tired of defending Edward. She dropped her head in her hands, staring at the plastic, fake wood tabletop. Her dad reached over and patted her hair awkwardly, and she looked up at him in surprise, but she was touched by the gesture.

"Honey, if you ever need help — or anything — talk to me, okay? You're the most important thing in the world to me. I'll always take your side."

She could feel tears prickling in her eyes. "Thanks, Dad."

Still looking concerned, he opened his mouth, but just then his pager buzzed. He stared down at it, frowning. "Intoxicated driver on South Main, I gotta get going, Bells."

She wiped her eyes. "Of course. Thanks for getting lunch with me, Dad."

He smiled at her as he rose. "Of course, honey," he said, handing her a twenty to pay. The waiter was walking over, and Charlie grabbed the sandwich right off the plate. "You'll think about what I said?" he asked, turning a piercing gaze on her once more.

Bella tried for a smile of his own. "Yeah, I will. Be safe."

He nodded and hurried to the door, chimes jangling again as he opened it. Bella ate her salad slowly, barely able to taste it. Her dad's words were still echoing in her head — whether love was enough, whether she was her own person, whether she was respected.

The tug in her chest pulled at her. She knew she needed to see Jared soon. She pressed her hand against her chest. When would she be able to see him again? When would she be able to escape Edward?

There was that word again. _Escape_.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and took a few deep breaths, trying to fight the prickling behind her eyelids. She would be mortified if she broke down in the middle of the cafe.

Then she gasped as she felt an awful, stabbing hole in her chest. Her fork clattered to the table from her suddenly nerveless fingers.

She needed to get to Jared. _Now_. Something was very, very wrong.

He was in pain, and he needed her.

_Now now now._

Frantically grabbing the twenty dollar bill her dad had left, Bella shoved it into the server's hands as she rushed past him, hoping it was enough to cover the meal. He didn't shout at her as she left, so she thought it was.

Pushing her truck as hard as it would go, she followed the stabbing pull of the bond and realized that she was heading in the direction of her house. Except not her house, exactly, she realized as she turned onto her street — instead, the tug led her in the direction of a few houses down from her dad's, into the thick woods that all the backyards on this street backed onto.

Bella felt a sudden, sickening rush of pain and staggered, almost falling to her knees as she stumbled out of her truck. Her panic ratcheted up even higher. She needed to be with Jared, _now_.

She sprinted into the woods, following the direct pull of the bond —

And stopped.

Edward, in all his beautiful glory, was half crouched in front of Jared in his wolf form. The designer button-up shirt her fiance was wearing was now slashed down one side, clearly from claws. Jared was bleeding from his face and side, and he was keeping most of his weight off one of his back legs. Bella's heart seized in her chest.

Neither of them seemed to have noticed her yet. Edward was speaking in a dark, empty voice she had never heard him use, and it made her stomach drop sickeningly.

"— not her problem, and damn well isn't _my_ problem," he was saying, the tension in his voice sounding barely controlled. "You don't know what you're trying to ruin, you filthy animal."

He paused, and Bella knew he was listening to Jared's response. "Well, in that case it shouldn't matter whether you die now or then, does it? If anything, I'd be doing you a favor —"

Bella had never seen this vicious side of Edward. Throughout the year and a half of their relationship, she had noted several times that his behavior or his appearance was almost alien, so far removed from humanity. But that unnaturalness had never struck her as terrifying before now.

Right now he looked very close to the monster he had always told her he was. For the first time, she felt true fear when she looked at him, but it wasn't just for herself. It was for Jared.

She wanted to throw up the lunch she'd just eaten. If Edward was willing to kill someone he thought was interfering in their relationship, what else would he do? What _wouldn_ _'_ _t_ he do? Would she ever be able to trust him not to hurt somebody else, even if he insisted it was for her sake?

Then Edward was moving again, and so was Jared, but he was going to be _too slow_ —

"Edward!" Bella sprinted forward, tears already falling down her cheeks. She needed to get between them; Edward wouldn't lunge for Jared if she was in the way —

Edward spun to face her, and for the first time she got a good look at his eyes. They were black with rage, when they'd still had a hint of yellow this morning. They were feral.

"This has gone on long, enough, Bella," he said in an icy, dignified tone, as if he wasn't standing in the middle of the woods with tattered clothes, facing off against a giant wolf. "I've endured your playdates with the pack, but it is time to end this. You will become part of my family. You will be my _wife_. You've had your time on the reservation. You've chosen me over Jacob. This… boy should mean nothing to you." He ran a hand through his disarrayed hair, the human movement jarring contrasted with his alien stare. "You have no idea how much I regret letting you see Jacob. You would never have even _met_ this dog. Choose now, Bella." He strode over, and, too fast for Bella to see, he had Jared on his back, snarling but unable to move away from Edward's leather-soled shoe on his chest.

Bella felt like her world was being torn out from under her. In that moment she hated both herself and Edward. Herself for making eye contact with Jared, for turning his life upside down and shackling him to _her_ , to her well-being and her life. For being so much less than what he deserved.

And she hated Edward, who was willing to murder someone because he was angry, because he felt that he'd been cheated on, because he thought the wolves were somehow less than human, because he was _jealous_.

In that instant she knew what her decision was, and it had nothing to do with the pull of the imprint. Her desires still pulled her to Jared, but her decisions were her own.

Because Jared had been trying desperately to do what was right, to give her every choice even if it killed him, while Edward had been whittling down her freedom and her decisions since the day she'd met him.

And he always would.

Her hands shaking with shock, she only had a split second to process her decision, because she was out of _time_. She couldn't spend a year with her heart torn in two pieces like she had with Edward and Jake. The intensity of Edward's feelings for her and the strength of her imprint bond with Jared wouldn't allow for any more hesitation on her part, not unless she wanted to get them both killed.

And at the same time she made another decision, and fought down the urge to throw up at making it. "Of course I choose you, Edward," she said, forcing her voice to be strong. "It's always been you. You know that. But I won't be able to marry you if you kill an innocent boy. You're so much better than this. Let him go. Please."

Just saying those words sent an awful, stabbing pain through her, and she could feel Jared's answering pain, something he probably felt even more keenly than she did. She hoped desperately that he could sense her pain, her emotions, in addition to her words.

But he sank limply to the ground as Edward stepped backward, as if he didn't have the willpower to stand anymore. Bella forced herself to move her gaze to Edward so that his attention would remain on her.

Edward's beautiful smile — the one she had fallen in love with — was back, his expression one of genuine concern as he reached for her. He gently opened her clenched fists, where she had squeezed her fingers into her palms so hard that there were little crescents of blood left behind.

He gave her a small smile. "Love, were you worried about me? Believe me, I was in no danger from that beast —"

He started to turn his head again, already scowling, but Bella quickly rose on her tiptoes. She pressed her lips to Edward's hard, cold cheek, drawing his attention back to her. She hoped he didn't notice her shiver as she kissed him.

She couldn't let him try to attack Jared again, especially not with Jared still on the ground from where her words had destroyed him. _Please, please, trust me_ , she tried to send him wordlessly, but she knew that was one thing their bond couldn't do. "Focus on me, Edward," she told her fiance. "Let him go. I just want to be _us_ for a while."

As if nothing had happened, as if almost killing Jared in her backyard had been _nothing_ , Edward wrapped his arm around her shoulders and smiled down at her fondly. "I think that's my favorite idea of yours I've heard all week, love."

She forced a smile, and hoped that if it was a terrible one he would think it was from lingering concern she'd had for him. "Could we watch a movie?" she asked him. "I just want you to hold me for a while."

He pressed a cold kiss to her temple as he led her out of the woods, back toward her house. "I'm looking forward to it, love."

She shuddered and turned the motion into shifting her arm to wrap it around his waist.

"I'd like that," she told her fiance, and it wasn't the biggest lie she'd told in her life, but it was pretty close.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected allies.

Edward drove her to his house, insisting that Alice wanted to go over dress options with her, but Bella knew the truth. He might not think Jared meant anything to her, but he still thought she might try to sneak out to the reservation, if only to see Jake. He was trying to trap her again.

Only this time Bella knew she couldn't count on Sam to come save her. The pack wouldn't want anything to do with her once they found out what she'd done to Jared.

No, this time Edward would succeed at being her jailer.

"I'll talk to Alice," Bella said, trying to sound normal. "But only if you go feed, Edward." She could still see his horrible, feral expression when she closed her eyes. She didn't bother turning away from staring out the passenger side window, but she knew he was staring at her.

"I thought you would be happier to be with me," he said after a moment.

All of her effort, all her pain, was going to be for nothing if she couldn't convince Edward she was serious about wanting him, about choosing him. "I'll just miss Jake," she said quietly. "I'll focus on the wedding with Alice. But you really do need to eat, Edward." She turned to him finally and gave him her best smile. "I won't be alone; Alice and the others will be around." _Around to watch me._

Slowly, he nodded, and she was sure he was thinking the same thing. He probably thought it was for her own good, though.

Bella's chest ached, and she clenched her fingers and brought them together on her lap to prevent herself from touching her collarbone. She'd hurt Jared. Hurt him so badly she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to repair the damage she'd done.

No. She had to remember that she was doing this for him. She desperately wished she knew how to fix this, how to fix everything she'd unwittingly done, everything she'd been handed and then torn apart in less than a week.

Neither of them spoke again as Edward pulled up in front of his house and opened the door on her side. His hand on her back felt more restrictive than it ever had before. She didn't want him to touch her.

Alice greeted them at the door, her bright smile falling quickly as she took in the two of them, gaze lingering on Edward's slashed clothes. Bella knew that she'd been fading in and out of Alice's sight for weeks with the amount of time she spent with the wolves. Clearly she hadn't foreseen Edward's fight with Jared.

Bella stood passively in the doorway, waiting for Edward's excuse as to why she was here, why his clothes were torn. She'd go along with whatever he said. This wasn't the time to fight with him. She was terrified that saying the wrong thing could tip him back over the edge to senseless rage, and he might try to track down Jared.

"I'm dropping Bella off so you two can get some wedding planning in while I hunt," Edward said smoothly.

Bella's mouth almost dropped open. He sounded so… normal. So unperturbed. It was unnerving how well he could hide his emotions.

She wondered how often he'd done it with her.

"Of course!" Alice said, her smile back in place. "I've been wanting to talk about honeymoon possibilities. How do you feel about Paris, Bella?"

That she'd be uncomfortable the entire time, since she didn't speak French or like French food.

"Maybe," Bella said instead, trying to inject whatever enthusiasm she could into her voice.

Alice wrapped an icy arm around her shoulders. "Go hunt, Edward," Alice told him. "We've got some decisions to make."

Edward smiled, and it almost looked normal. "I don't suppose I get any say in them?"

"Nope!" Alice said perkily. "This is a girls-only event." Bella tried to hide a small smile this time, that for once Edward wouldn't get his way.

"I'll be off, then," he said, looking over at Bella with dark eyes. She tried not to think of him as her jailer, and she forced herself to stand still as he kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon," he said in a low voice that Bella knew Alice could hear anyway. He probably meant it to be comforting, but it sounded more like a threat to her ears.

She smiled up at him, not trusting her voice, and then Alice guided her back into the house.

"You look a little pale…er than usual," Alice said with a grin as they stopped in the kitchen. Bella could hear a sports game on the TV in the living room and Emmett and Rosalie's voices arguing good-naturedly about a play. "Are you hungry?"

Bella wrapped her arms around her stomach. It was twisting uncomfortably, but it was nothing compared to the throbbing in her chest. "I'm good," she lied. "Just a little anxious."

"There's nothing to be anxious about!" Alice said, tugging her until she sat beside her at the dining room table, where a large stack of wedding magazines and books were scattered. "Everything is going to be perfect. Here, look through these and tear out anything you like. I'll see what kind of theme we can make out of what you like."

Bella, resigned to Alice's insistence that the wedding would need to cost at least twenty thousand to ensure that no one else in her friend group would ever have one that could "compete" with hers, just sighed and picked up a magazine at random and began flipping through its glossy pages.

She tried not to think about what Jared might be doing now. He was still only a few miles away, but it was farther than he'd been since he'd imprinted. She thought the pain at hurting him probably covered up some of the pain she felt from the distance between them.

Alice looked up from where she was taking notes in her perfect handwriting on a bound notebook. "Bella, you haven't turned a page in five minutes."

Bella looked down at the magazine in her lap. It was opened to a two-page spread of an elaborate wedding in an Italian villa. "I was thinking about Florence," she lied.

"Oh, that might be a good idea!" Alice said. "And we could stop by Rome to let the Volturi know after the wedding."

Bella's heart seized at the thought of being in the same room as Aro again, at his flat, red eyes and eternal stare. "Sure," she whispered, willing her hands not to shake.

She looked up as Jasper walked down the stairs, his smile fading into concern as he stepped into the room. "Hello, Bella," he said politely. His smile returned as if it had never left as Alice looked up from her magazine.

"Hi, Jasper," Bella said quietly. She dropped her gaze back to the magazine and flipped a few pages just to have something to do with her hands, but she could still feel his eyes on her.

Alice turned to her husband as he sat down on her other side. "Jazz, I was thinking somewhere in the Andes for our next wedding, what do you think? Somewhere remote but high up, with a view of the rainforest behind us?"

His expression was fond. "I think I'll go ahead and say yes, since you'll end up getting your way anyway."

She smirked and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. "Oh, Jasper, you noticed!"

She returned to her magazine, and Bella looked over at them again, unable to stare for any longer at glossy pages filled with happy couples in carefully careless poses and dresses worth more than her dad's house.

Jasper was watching her, and Alice was short enough that Bella could meet his eyes over Alice's head. She didn't bother trying to conceal the misery she felt. Jasper would be able to sense it anyway.

He tilted his head almost imperceptibly, and Bella could tell he was trying to put the pieces together, why his brother's fiance was so unspeakably miserable while Alice continued to chat about the upcoming wedding. Bella wished she could tell Jasper about the imprint bond, and wondered if that desire was making her emotions even more confusing to him, but Jasper's mind wasn't safe from Edward. No one's but hers was.

Suddenly, Bella couldn't take the wedding planning, Alice's chattering or Jasper's concerned looks anymore. She dropped the magazine onto the coffee table with a clatter.

Alice turned to her, but Jasper spoke before Bella could come up with yet another reason why she wasn't behaving as the Cullens thought she should. "Alice," he said urgently.

She turned to him immediately, her hand squeezing his knee. "What's wrong, Jazz?"

Bella watched him swallow with difficulty. "I think I should hunt," he said. He gave Bella an apologetic glance.

Alice immediately dropped her notebook and stood in front of Bella. "Jazz, what happened?"

He swallowed again and glanced at her. "The cut on her arm…" Bella instinctively grabbed her forearm, but the wound hadn't opened since she'd bandaged it the day before.

"Okay, you're okay, Jazz," Alice said soothingly, stepping into him and squeezing his hands. "Don't breathe. Can you go outside?"

"Yes, but… come with me?" Jasper said haltingly. "I want… I need to make sure I won't try to… circle back."

Alice tossed Bella a quick, concerned glance over her shoulder. Bella knew she was considering her two objectives: guard Bella, or to protect Bella from Jasper.

As Alice hesitated, Jasper swallowed again, his eyes returning to Bella's. For a moment, Bella thought there was something in them, something he was trying to tell her. He didn't look like he had the night of her eighteenth birthday, when his eyes had been wild and black. Instead, he looked almost calm as he took a step toward her.

Alice pushed him back firmly, her brow furrowed with concern, and his movement seemed to decide her. Without dropping her gaze from Jasper, she said, "Bella, sweetie, we'll be right back. Jasper just wants to make sure he's safe around you. I'm sure it's nothing, but just to be sure, we'll go hunt real quickly. We won't go far."

Bella just nodded tiredly. "That's fine, Alice." She knew she didn't look threatening in the least to Alice that she might try to leave.

She knew there was a piece she was missing to this, but she hurt too much to want to try very hard to figure it out. She couldn't keep her eyes from returning to Jasper's, though, and as Alice linked her arm through his and turned to go, Jasper raised his eyebrows at Bella and glanced toward the living room.

Bella almost thought she had imagined it; surely she he wasn't trying to communicate something to her without his wife noticing. What would he possibly want to tell her that he didn't want Alice to hear?

His eyes darted to the living room again and then back before Alice tugged him away, and they were out the front door before she could blink.

Worrying her lower lip, Bella glanced toward the living room again, where Emmett was shouting at the TV and Rosalie was laughing and mocking him for choosing the losing team.

Then Bella understood.

Her legs were shaking, and she needed to use the table for leverage as she pushed herself upright. She felt weak, like she'd been sick for months. How much was the bond, and how much was just her own self-inflicted misery?

Rosalie was curled up next to Emmett on the long white sofa, and they didn't immediately notice when Bella walked in.

Then Emmett turned and gave her a broad smile. "Hey, little sis, tired of wedding planning?"

Bella hugged herself. "Something like that." Of their own accord, her eyes tracked past Emmett and settled on Rosalie, who looked surprised that she was being sought out.

But Bella remembered the echo of fear, of despair in Rosalie's voice when she had talked about Royce King and being transformed into a vampire, how it meant that she would never be part of the human world, that she and Emmett would never have the family she dreamed of.

And she thought this was the one reason she could give to Rosalie that might convince her, that might make her willing to help.

"Rose," she whispered. "I need…" She almost staggered with the weight of the words that were rising up, but her need and her soul were forcing them out.

Rose and Emmett's expressions were set in almost identical expressions of concern, the slightest creases marring their flawless porcelain complexions. Bella remembered the warm skin and rich tones of life and wanted that back.

"Rose," she tried again. "I need to… I have to go. I need to be with the pack." Her voice dropped so much that she could barely hear her own words. "I… belong with them."

Rosalie moved to stand in front of Bella so fast that Bella didn't see her stand up. She tilted her head and examined Bella from her superior height, and she seemed to understand what Bella was saying.

Not _please help me get away from Edward for a while._

But _please help me get away from your world forever_.

Emmett was standing in front of her now, too, and he took her hand in his giant one, his grip on hers cool and gentle. "Bella, sweetie," he said softly, and he too seemed to understand what she was trying to say. "Are you… sure?"

Bella's heart ached. She would miss him, his endless energy and broad smiles and how from the very beginning he had seemed thrilled to have her as part of the family.

She would even miss Rosalie, now that she knew how much Rose had been hurt in her past, how much she still hurt, and how she would die for any of her family without hesitating.

Rose's expression was level, almost emotionless. "You'll do what I asked?" she said. "Treat your life like the gift it is?"

"I promise," Bella whispered.

Rosalie and Emmett both let out long breaths. Emmett looked devastated, Rose looked… proud.

"Then let's go," she said.

That seemed to be all Emmett needed to hear; he lifted Bella into his arms without asking, and they were running her out the back door and toward Rosalie's tiny red sports car. Emmett set Bella down in the passenger seat and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"If I don't see you again," he started, and his voice cracked the tiniest amount. Bella wanted desperately to hug him, but there wasn't time. "I just want you to know that I love you like my little sister, and I'll miss you always. But I want you to be happy."

Right now Bella couldn't imagine being happy. All she wanted was some relief from her breaking heart.

Rosalie reached over to squeeze Bella's hand. "She will be," she said firmly. "This is the first step to getting there."

Bella sent Emmett a wobbly smile, which he returned, and then Rose was peeling out of the driveway, her tires only barely keeping traction as she pushed the speedometer past a hundred.

Bella kept a white-knuckled grip on the armrest as Rose shifted gears with fluid movements. "I'm going to get you in trouble with Edward," Bella mumbled, trying not to let nausea overwhelm her.

Rose snorted. "I'm not afraid of my brother. He'll just have to learn to deal with getting his toys taken from him." She glanced at Bella. "Sorry." She almost sounded like she meant it.

Bella shook her head. Maybe she had been a toy all along. "You've always been honest with me, Rose. Don't stop now."

That startled a laugh out of Rosalie. "You're making the right decision," she said softly. "We're meant to live as part of this world, not as unchanging monsters."

"You aren't monsters," Bella said immediately. Her escape had nothing to do with her judgment of the Cullens, who couldn't help what they'd become and tried so hard to cause as little pain as possible to the world.

Rose smiled again, this time tight-lipped and self-hating. "Sometimes we are. Just ask my brother."

Then they were at the border, and Bella could feel the shift in her soul faster than she could read the sign. She had thought Jared might wait for her once it was clear she was heading toward La Push, but he was still a few miles away, as if he was adjusting his position to maintain that same amount of distance from her. That hurt.

"This is as far as I go." Rose looked over at her with an unreadable expression as Bella fumbled for the seatbelt, rising from the car on legs that were still trembling from the drive. "I wish the best for you, Bella," she said finally. "All the best in the world. I hope you have a beautiful life, however it turns out."

Bella felt tears rise in her eyes, and wasn't it weird that this was the first time since Edward had dumped her off at the Cullens' that she'd actually felt like crying?

"Thank you, Rose," she said faintly, but she knew Rosalie would be able to hear her. "For everything. I'll try."

Rose nodded firmly, and nodded to the sign. "Hurry and get onto their land," she said, and she only very slightly curled her lip at the reference to the pack.

Bella nodded and hurried down the road, her vision still obscured by her tears. As she turned a corner following the road a quarter mile later, she looked back to see Rose still sitting in her car, watching her. Then Bella rounded the corner, and trees obscured her vision, and Rosalie was gone.

Tears began to run steadily down Bella's cheeks, and once she started it was hard to stop. She could feel Jared a little bit closer this time, but after ten minutes it was clear he wasn't going to move any closer than that. Her headache pounded in time with her heart.

Then she almost fell down when another boy seemed to almost miraculously appear at her side. "Jake!" she gasped as her best friend easily hauled her back to her feet and braced her until she was steady again.

"What are you doing here, Bells?" he asked her tiredly. "Jared got the message, trust me. You're just going to hurt him more if you keep trying to see him."

It was even worse now that Jacob had confirmed her fears. She'd hurt Jared terribly.

She swallowed hard until she could speak. "It was the only way to keep him safe from Edward," she choked out, pressing her hand to her chest. "He would have _killed_ him, Jake."

Jake walked beside her for a minute without speaking. "So what now?" he asked finally. "What's changed?"

"I escaped," she said, and Bella wanted to laugh at the melodrama of the word, and then she realized maybe it wasn't so melodramatic after all. "I _escaped_ ," she repeated softly, as if she needed to make what she'd done real for herself as well as for Jacob.

"You can't keep going back and forth like this, Bells," Jake said, more gently this time. "You can't keep coming here until Edward drags you back. It's not healthy for you or for Jared."

"There's no going back," she said, and she didn't have to think about the words before they were out of her mouth.

Then she realized what she'd said, and she stared at Jake like he'd made her say that. Except he looked as shocked as she did.

Then she started sobbing so hard that her knees buckled under her. Her entire body felt like it was floating away from the universe she'd always known.

Jake caught her and carried her a little way off the road to set her down gently in the grass. She curled up into a miserable little ball on the wet ground and clutched her chest and tried to keep breathing. Jake knelt down in front of her, looking almost as unhappy as she felt.

"Bells, honey…" He ran a warm hand through her hair, but as much as she loved him, she wanted a different hand to touch her. "Are you serious? You really left Edward?"

"Does it look like I'm joking?" she gasped between sobs.

He rested his hand on her cheek for a moment. 'No, honey," he said softly. "It doesn't. Wait here, I'll be right back."

Bella didn't know how long he was gone, only knew that she was empty and terrified and didn't know who she was anymore. She imagined Edward's expression when he found out she'd left, what he must have thought when she'd snuck out in such a cowardly way. About Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie, who had helped her instead of doing what Edward had wanted and risked his wrath. About Alice, who Bella wasn't sure had ever really tried to understand her, but who had tried to be a good friend despite that.

About Edward, the boy who wasn't truly her other half, who didn't complement her missing pieces but instead tried to take all of her, who meant well but made her feel like she was drowning in his desires and plans and thoughts so much that she couldn't breathe on her own.

And how she was learning that love wasn't always enough, and that loving someone didn't mean they were right for you.

Bella didn't know when it had started raining, but suddenly she wasn't just drowning in her own tears — raindrops were clouding her vision her as well. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt, and when she looked up again Jared was standing in front of her.

His eyes were bloodshot, his stance uncertain as he stared down at her. The pain that had been coursing through her, that she hadn't known the origin of, whether it was for Edward or for him, lessened as she took him in, as he took a step closer, and then she knew which pain inside her was for Edward and which was Jared's.

The ache, the longing was for Edward, for the bittersweet hope she'd had for him, but he'd been right from the very beginning — she didn't belong in his world. But she'd been right, too, and she didn't belong with him. And it was an ache that she hadn't said goodbye properly, that she could never explain it in a way he would understand, and there was nothing she could do to change his mind.

But the rest, the throbbing and the pull and the burn was for Jared and for how badly she'd hurt him, only he was moving closer now. She prayed she might not have destroyed everything with him, what they had been and what they were and what they could be if he would just forgive her, if she would just let him in now.

"Jared," she said, after they'd been staring at each other for she didn't know how long, and her voice was raw with crying.

It was like she'd jolted him out of a spell, and he was kneeling in front of her just like Jake had, only Jake hadn't knelt so close his knees touched hers, and he hadn't closed his eyes just as Bella did, at the rightness and perfection of his skin on hers.

Jared squeezed her hands, and his expression was so, so scared as he opened his eyes and asked, "Did you mean it?"

Bella knew then that Jake had showed him their conversation. "I meant it. It was all for you, Jared."

This time the words were terrifying, but they were also freeing. She couldn't take them back even if she had wanted to, and that meant she needed to keep walking down this path — this journey that a week ago would have been utterly inconceivable.

"Bella," he said hoarsely, and that was it, but somehow it was enough.

He didn't need to recite poetry or compose music for her or compare her scent to flowers. He just needed to be himself. That was all she'd ever needed from him.

She was still crying as he pulled her against his chest, and she clung to him, her fingers curling over his broad shoulders. If he minded the tightness of her grip or the bite of her fingernails, he didn't say a word.

He held her so tight it almost hurt, but she just squeezed him harder, almost hoping he would leave bruises from the press of his arms around her waist and across her lower back, so she would have proof that he'd been there, that he'd touched her.

He was murmuring words into the crook of her neck, and they seemed to be the press of hot pleas against her skin, of _don_ _'_ _t leave me_ and _I_ _'_ _m sorry_ and _please forgive me_.

There was nothing to forgive, and she wished she could tell him that, but her teeth were chattering now, with cold and exhaustion as well as tears.

He pulled back, and her fingers tightened on his shoulders, but he gently pulled her hands away, holding them in his. She stared up at him through rain and tear-filled eyes, terrified that he was going to push her away after all. "Jared?"

"You're freezing, babe," he told her softly. He pressed his hand to the side of her neck, and his touch felt even warmer than usual. She felt goosebumps break out across her skin, and it was only mostly from the sudden rush of cold that came when he pulled his hand away.

He helped her stand, his large, rough hands gently clasping hers, and only then did she realize that they'd been kneeling in a puddle of water and mud. The spot she'd dropped to her knees in was a low area that had collected rainwater rapidly, and her jeans were soaked up to her hips.

She stumbled stepping back onto the road, and Jared wrapped a careful arm around her shoulders, as if he wasn't sure how much he could touch her. But her Converses were soaked from the rain, and when she tripped again for the third time she almost started crying again, this time from sheer misery and frustration and the cold.

Then Jared was scooping her up between one step and the next. She was too tired to protest and wasn't sure she would have anyway.

"I'm so sorry," she said. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder, and his arms underneath her knees and shoulders tightened. He still smelled like the best thing she'd ever smelled.

"There's nothing to forgive," he said softly. He sounded like he meant it, but she couldn't understand how it was possible that he didn't hate her.

"Where are we going?" she said after they'd walked for several minutes.

He was silent for a couple more. "Let me take care of you," he said finally. And that was hard, harder than it should be. She wasn't used to people taking care of her.

But she nodded and relaxed against him. He pressed his lips to her forehead, and that simple gesture shouldn't have sent her heart racing a thousand miles an hour, but it did. He made it sound like that was the only thing he wanted from her, and she believed him.

Her tears had mostly stopped ten minutes later when Jared walked up the front lawn of a well-maintained one-story house that must be his. She wanted to ask if anyone else was around, but she was too tired to form words, and he had said to let him take care of her. So she just rested her head against his arm and chest and closed her eyes as he carried her down the hall and into a bedroom that she instantly knew was his because it smelled like him.

They were both dripping wet, and he set her gently on the edge of the bed, leaving her sitting upright (well, hunched over), and returned a moment later with two white bath towels.

He knelt on the floor in front of her and carefully took off her sodden shoes and socks. Then he rose and tugged on the hem of her sweatshirt, looking at her questioningly until she raised her hands above her head, and he pulled it off her in one gentle motion. Then she was sitting in front of him in a soaking wet tank top and blue jeans, and he tilted his head at her and gently touched the hem of her tank top.

She was wet and freezing and there was only respect in his gaze and she wanted to let him take care of her. So she nodded, and he pulled off her top and wrapped the towel around her before she had the chance to be self-conscious in front of him, rubbing briskly up and down her arms and neck and chest and back until she was dry.

He knelt in front of her again, and she let him pull down her soaked jeans. They were tight and uncomfortably sticking to her, but his fingers were swift and certain as he unbuttoned them and slid them down her thighs.

He dried her thighs and legs off with the second towel, and she finally started to feel something like a normal person again. An utterly, unshakably, physically and emotionally exhausted person.

After examining her for a moment, with the two towels wrapped around her, Jared rose and stepped back from her.

She made an involuntary noise of protest as she lost skin contact with him, and he flinched but kept walking to his dresser. He pulled out a gray t-shirt with a band logo she didn't recognize scrawled across the front.

"Raise your arms, babe," he said softly, and she let the towel fall away from her chest as she obeyed, and he pulled the soft shirt over her head without glancing down once, tugging the it down until it fell to her mid-thighs, and only then pulled the towels away. The fabric was soft and warm against her cool skin, and she lifted the collar to her nose without thinking about it, and blushed when she met Jared's eyes after she realized what she'd done.

The smile he gave her in return was dazzling, and he pulled back the covers on the bed and lifted her under her thighs a few inches to get the blankets out from under her and covered her again. She let out a long sigh of contentment as she finally felt something approaching normal again.

His eyes stayed on hers, as if he was worried she would disappear if he didn't watch her. He briskly rubbed himself off with one of the towels and then stepped out of his athletic shorts without warning. Bella was awake enough to squeak once she realized what he was doing, but slow enough that she still saw more than she'd meant to. Jared just gave her a roguish smile and pulled on a clean pair of shorts.

Then he was sliding into the bed with her, getting under the covers with her even though she knew there was no way he actually needed the blankets.

He stayed on his side, but she rolled into him without thinking about it. She needed his touch and his warmth and his presence to convince her that even if everything wasn't okay right now, it would be okay eventually.

He reached over to turn off the light switch near his bed, and it was early to sleep, but Bella had never needed rest more in her life. He turned on his side and tugged her by the hips so that her back was pressed against his chest as if they'd been sharing a bed for months, and she couldn't imagine a more comfortable way to sleep.

He curled around her enough to place a kiss on the top of her head, and then his hand was sliding under her shirt. She froze for a second in surprise, but his hand came to a stop across her hips, wrapping his arm loosely against her bare skin, and he didn't move again.

She relaxed into him again, more comfortable than she had ever felt in her life. And there were no words, and it was perfect.

She pressed tighter into him so that even their legs were tangled, and he murmured something grateful into her hair, something like _god yes_ , and then she was falling asleep in his arms, and her only regret was that she couldn't stay awake to enjoy it for longer.

But she was pretty sure if everything worked out like she so desperately wanted it to, she'd be able to do this again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An end and a beginning.

Bella awoke feeling swaddled in warmth and stared in confusion at an unfamiliar ceiling. Then her eyes opened wide.

Jared had brought her to his house, had undressed her and warmed her and held her until she had fallen asleep, and she had never felt more comfortable in her life. And yesterday had been unspeakably awful, but somehow Jared being there had made it better, like something torn inside her had been healed when he touched her.

The ache of the bond was absent. Clearly it approved of her spending the night with Jared. Only —

_Charlie_.

She gasped and started to sit up, and Jared opened his eyes. She must have spoken out loud. "Jake called him," he told her sleepily. "Told him about the le— about Edward."

Bella felt her shoulders slump in relief and turned to him. Even half asleep, Jared was spectacularly handsome, and he smiled up at her with fondness she was sure she didn't deserve. Their legs were touching, from her thighs to her ankles, and that felt right, like they needed that contact with each other whether they were asleep or awake, like that was part of living now.

Then she registered what he'd said. Not about Charlie, though she was relieved to hear that, but about what it meant about Edward. What Jake must have told her dad as explanation. What it meant that he'd _had_ something to tell him.

Jared's smile faded, and he sat up beside her so that their shoulders were touching. "Do you… regret what you did?" he asked her hesitantly, clearly dreading her response.

She remembered walking in the rain, her desperate desire to get away from Edward and his cold, dead hands and how he had kidnapped her while at the same time saying he loved her, and how all she had wanted to do was escape from him and find Jared.

And how Edward was only a dream — maybe he had always been a dream, and she'd just insisted on seeing a possibility that wasn't truly there in any way that mattered.

Jared was watching her with trepidation in his beautiful dark eyes, and she knew a single word could destroy him. She held his happiness in the palm of her hand, and he'd given his heart to her without hesitation, fearing what she could do to him but doing it anyway.

She sat there frozen while all these thoughts ran through her head, and Jared was silent, his whole body tense as he waited for her response.

"No," she said softly. "I don't."

Jared's smile made her laugh in sheer happiness, and her heart was full of him. He tackled her to the bed, and she gasped and grinned at his careless display of physicality, at something as casual as pressing down on her that no vampire would ever be able to do without risking killing her.

He pressed his lips to the crook of her neck, and then her gasp was something else, something she remembered feeling with him in the woods behind her house. She was shocked to find she wasn't embarrassed by it.

"Thank you thank you thank you," Jared murmured, his lips hot and soft against her neck.

He was heavy, and she shifted her legs apart so that his weight could fall between them on the bed, and she realized what that did a second after she'd done it and blushed to the roots of her hair.

She could feel Jared chuckling against her skin as he shifted his weight against her, and then he was pressed against her even more tightly, his hips pressed to hers.

"Oh my god," she gasped, and she was arching her back before she meant to do it, and only the fabric of Jared's t-shirt she was wearing separated her breasts from his bare chest.

She had never felt anything like this in her entire life, a burning rush that started in her belly but flowed to her chest and the tips of her fingers and her toes.

Jared pulled his lips away from her neck and raised himself on his elbows, looking down at her with an intent gaze, examining her face. She bit her lip but smiled up at him, unable to hide her emotions from him. He'd be able to see right through her, anyway.

He raised one hand to slowly pull a strand of long hair away from her face. "Is this okay?" he asked softly. "You know I only want whatever you want."

"Yes," she said, and she knew he would know she was telling the truth.

She shifted her hips under him without really thinking about it, and he closed his eyes for a long second, the muscles in his arms tightening. She thought he was visibly fighting not to move in response.

Somehow that made her feel powerful, and this time she shifted under him again deliberately, just to see what he would do.

He dropped his weight back down on her enough to take her earlobe between his teeth, and she had never in her life thought that her ears could be connected to her nerve endings and the fire flowing through her veins like this.

She hissed at his hot breath in his ear, and she could feel her nipples tightening where she was pressed against his hard chest. She would probably have been embarrassed about that if it hadn't felt so good.

"You don't know how good you feel," he whispered, and she was glad to know that he must be feeling something similar. This time she squirmed without meaning to, and she felt him press up between her legs, and the pressure against the juncture of her thighs made her throw her head back, in surprise as much as pleasure.

Was this what other people felt, other women, when someone touched them there? No wonder so many women liked… she could barely even think the word to herself.

"Fuck, babe," Jared said against her skin, and he was rolling his hips upward again, and her hands were scrambling around his neck, and she wanted him to kiss her more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life —

The bedroom door swung open. "Hey, Jared," Seth's voice started. "Is Bel…la…" His voice trailed off, and Bella peeked around Jared's arms, braced to hold most of his weight off of her, and saw Seth standing in the doorway, staring at them with wide, surprised eyes.

She heard laughter roaring from the living room, and Seth looked almost as embarrassed as Bella felt. "You motherfuckers!" he shouted, turning to the hallway. "You knew!"

"Dude, you've got supernatural hearing, fucking use it," Jared said.

"Sorry," Seth mumbled. Bella tugged Jared back down enough to hide her face in his chest. She could feel his laughter as he let her press her face into his warm, delicious-smelling skin.

"Why are you all here?" Jared asked. He leaned over Bella enough to grab the covers that had been pushed aside and pulled them carefully over her, hiding her up to her neck. "You clearly didn't notice, but we're kind of busy."

Bella scowled up at him for moving off of her and taking his warmth with him. Jared smiled down at her and leaned over to brush his nose against hers, and she couldn't hold back a smile.

Then Jake and Paul were standing in the doorway, too, and she squeaked and brought the blanket up to under her eyes, acutely aware that she only had a thin t-shirt and panties on underneath the covers. She wasn't ready to be quite that much of an exhibitionist with the rest of the pack.

She heard both Jake and Paul chuckle before Paul said, "We're on the clock, dude." It was weird to hear his voice without the normal distaste she was used to hearing from him in it. "Sam wants us all there to meet with the leeches."

"Not Bella," Jared said immediately. "She just got away from them."

"Sam asked," Jake said reluctantly. "But he won't force her to."

"Damn right he won't," Jared said fiercely, but Bella sat up beside him, tugging the blankets up with her and bracing her back against the headboard.

"I need to, Jared," she said, and her voice was quiet, but she was surprised at how firm she sounded. "Edward and the others deserve to hear it face-to-face."

All four boys turned to look at her, but Bella's eyes were on Jared. He was the one who would protest the most. She wondered if he would try to keep her in his house, if he would get one of the wolves to watch her, if he would tell her she couldn't come —

But what came out of his mouth was a soft, "You're sure?" He looked miserable, but he wasn't fighting her.

She was shaking with nerves already at the thought of seeing Edward and telling him she was leaving him, but she wouldn't take the cowardly way out. It was the right thing to do.

"I'm sure," she said. Jared's expression was agonized, and she leaned over to press a kiss against his cheek, not caring for a moment that they had an audience.

"And I'm sure about this," she said. She knew he would understand what she meant.

There was something freeing in knowing her decision had been made. Something about taking her own choice away, taking a stand, made her feel more in control of her life than she ever had.

"We need to go soon then, Bells," Jake said. His expression was sympathetic. "Unless you want me to ask Sam if we can have more time?"

Bella hesitated, but then shook her head. "Let's get it over with," she said. She'd always wanted to move ahead once she'd made a decision.

Jake nodded, and he, Paul, and Seth filed out the door, Seth closing the door softly behind them. She turned to Jared slowly, afraid to see his expression.

He was looking at her with a hungry, desperate expression, as if he thought she still might go back to Edward. "Jared," she said softly, placing her hand on his wrist. "I meant what I said."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His other hand raised to rest gently on top of her own hand, and the warmth and pleasure of the simple touch built in her again. She shifted ever so slightly against him.

He opened his eyes and gave her a playful smile. "Later," he said.

She tilted her head, confused, until she realized what he meant. He could _smell_ her.

"Shut up," she growled, and she was rewarded by his bark of laughter. She twisted her hand in his until their fingers were interlaced, and his expression turned serious as they looked at each other for a long moment.

"I need closure," she told Jared finally. "I didn't have it before, when the Cullens left me without saying goodbye. You know I didn't handle it well."

Jared flinched at the reminder of those long, lost months of her life, and she knew he was remembering seeing her limp form curled up on the forest floor.

"I need to see them one more time," she told him gently. "To say goodbye. And then never again, if you don't want me to."

Jared nodded after a long moment. "I can tell you need this," he said. He pressed his free hand against his chest. "I can _feel_ it. It's just going to be…" He shrugged, at a loss for words. "Hard."

Bella gave him a sad smile. "For me, too."

Jared smiled back, and then his gaze focused on the door for a minute, in the direction of the living room. "We've got to go," he said. "Jake said Sam's on his way."

Nodding, she crawled out of bed and found the pile of clothes she had left on the floor. She hoped the other boys hadn't noticed them. Her jeans and shirt looked like they'd been thrown off in a fit of passion, when it had been the opposite. Bella blushed just remembering the warmth and gentleness of Jared's hands as he'd undressed her.

"Babe?" He had thrown on a shirt and sat down beside her again. "What's wrong?"

What was _wrong_ was that she wanted to curl up in his arms again and let him hold her and do a thousand other things she knew she wasn't supposed to want less than twenty-four hours after breaking up with her fiance.

She thought that maybe her heart had been breaking up with Edward for the past week, though. It had just taken her head a while to catch up.

What she said was much more mundane, though, as she held up her mud-soaked camisole and sweatshirt. "Jared, I can't put these back on." Her jeans were stiff, but they at least seemed to have done a good job keeping any actual dirt from seeping through.

Jared rose and opened the bottom drawer of his dresser, digging around in the bottom until he pulled out a faded red t-shirt. "This is one from a couple years ago, before I started growing so much."

Bella took it and without thinking pressed her face into it and inhaled deeply. It smelled like him.

She looked up to see Jared raising his eyebrows at her and trying not to laugh.

As she dropped her gaze in embarrassment, he leaned over to press his lips to the crook of her neck, very deliberately inhaling against her skin. She shivered as she felt him exhale. "I'm glad it's not just me," he said huskily.

Her mouth dropped open, and he grinned. "Change and come on out," he said, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

She grimaced as she pulled on her stiff jeans, but the t-shirt almost made up for it. It was a v-neck that exposed slightly more of her chest than she was used to just by virtue of being so big, but it was only long enough to cover her butt rather than almost to her knees. More importantly, it smelled like Jared. She felt like she was turning into a wolf herself, and she could feel a small smile cross her features for a moment.

Then she took a deep breath and opened the door. Jared was waiting across the hall, leaning back against the wall. His eyes immediately shot to hers when she opened the door, and then to her exposed chest and back up, flashing her a genuine smile.

She felt a blush spreading across said chest as she realized this was the least amount of layers she'd worn since Jared had imprinted on her. The perpetual chill she'd been carrying around with her seemed to have faded with her acceptance of their bond, and if anything she felt too warm now.

Still, she crossed her hands across her chest self-consciously, realizing a second too late that this might make matters worse since she'd been using her camisole top yesterday as a bra, meaning now there was nothing under her shirt except skin. Jared's eyes flickered down again.

Then he was leaning over to brush his lips to her forehead and then her ear. "You are fucking gorgeous, babe. It's gonna be hard to keep my hands off you."

No one had ever spoken to her like that, had ever called her gorgeous. She wasn't the type of girl that boys thought of like that. She stared up at Jared, searching his eyes for any sign of insincerity, of just being polite to make his bland, boring imprint feel better.

But the look he gave her was anything but bland or disinterested, and she felt the warm coil in her chest she always felt around him heat up, spreading to her breasts all the way down to her toes and settling between her legs.

He dragged his eyes away from her, groaning. "You can't do that to me, babe. Not right now."

"Come on, lovebirds," she heard Paul shout from down the hall. "You can eye fuck each other later."

Bella jumped. She'd forgotten they weren't alone in the house.

Jared gave her a wry smile and held out his hand. She took it, and he pulled her tight to his side and whispered in her ear, "After this, I'll show you how fucking hot you are."

She shook her head and pressed closer against his side, but didn't bother arguing. She didn't know how he could see _that_ in her, but she knew he wouldn't let her argue it away.

Paul was waiting just inside the front door for them with an uncharacteristic lack of glare for her. She wondered if he'd forgiven her now that she'd chosen Jared.

"Are we driving?" she asked them, and was rewarded with surprised expressions from both of them. "Of course not," she muttered.

Jared grinned. "Come on, it'll be fun. I promise I won't let you fall off."

"She knows," Paul said, tossing a smug smile over his shoulder as they followed him in the direction of the forest. "She rode _me_ to the border line a couple days ago."

"You motherfucker," Jared said, sounding like he was only partly joking.

Paul just started stripping off his shorts. Bella squeaked and covered her eyes.

Paul laughed and tossed her his shorts, which hit her in the face and fell to the ground since her eyes were closed. "Sometimes I think you just need to see all of us naked so you can stop panicking every time you see a penis, girl," he said.

Jared made an inarticulate sound of displeasure from beside her, though he was stripping down too. He handed her his shorts, and she had to drag her hand away from her face to take them, but she kept her eyes fixed on the ground. "No, she fucking doesn't," Jared said. "She's panicking because she doesn't want to see your junk, dude. Feel free to ditch Paul's at any point, babe," Jared said to her. "He can just face the leeches bare ass naked if he he has to."

"That's fine," Paul said, sounding unworried. "Got nothing to be ashamed of."

Jared muttered something that Bella couldn't hear before he kissed her quickly on the forehead and stepped back a few feet to phase. Paul followed, and she suspected they were continuing their conversation in their minds. Boys and their obsession with penises.

She smiled when Jared's wolf trotted up to her, and she couldn't stop herself from reaching up to stroke his neck. He made a noise that somehow sounded satisfied, and leaned down slowly, carefully… and licked her face from chin to forehead.

She squealed and backed up, and he did it again, making a sniffling sound that sounded something like laughter. Paul pranced about — though she wouldn't have used that word where he could hear her — impatiently, and then Jared knelt so she could crawl onto his back.

She pulled herself up carefully, trying not to pull any of his fur. He held perfectly still while she got her balance and laid down flat on her stomach with the boys' shorts under her stomach. She wrapped her arms as far around his neck as she could get them, and he took a few steps, testing her grip.

Apparently satisfied, he started loping into the forest, Paul beside them. She couldn't help compare the experience to Edward running with her through the forest so she could see Jake.

She almost couldn't believe that this was her life now, that if she hadn't wanted to see her best friend so badly after the fight with the newborns that the pack would have left by the time she'd made it back to the clearing.

And she would have gone ahead and married Edward and maybe eventually she would have fought back her instinctive desire to push away dead skin and cold lips, and maybe she would have even pushed away her resentment at the little things about him that ate away at her confidence, her self-respect.

Or maybe it would have all come to a head one day, and she'd have ended up walking away just as she'd done now, only maybe she'd have been a vampire already and it would have been too late to have a life in the human world.

She squeezed Jared more tightly, and he made a soft whimpering sound. She thought he could sense her distress, so she tried to quell it. He didn't need to be distracted right now.

Too soon they were near the border that she seemed to be able to feel in her bones now. Bella couldn't see the Cullens, but she caught glimpses of most of the rest of the pack, of Quil and Jake and Embry, with Sam in the middle and a little forward, forming the point of their little wall of wolves. She slid off of Jared and pressed herself firmly into his side.

Then the Cullens were suddenly there, with Edward, Alice, and Carlisle forming a little cluster toward the front, and Jasper and Esme a few steps behind them. Bella didn't see Emmett or Rosalie.

Her eyes immediately fell on Edward, who was staring right back at her across the no-man's land of the forest. He looked more discomposed than she'd ever seen. The closest she'd ever seen him like this was when she'd found him in Italy, trembling with emotion, eyes black, ready to die. She hoped with all her heart her leaving wouldn't send him back to that dark place again.

"Bella," he said. His clear voice was anguished. "Please don't do this."

Against her, Jared stiffened, and Bella stroked his fur soothingly. She suddenly realized she couldn't do this alone. She needed to feel Jared's skin against hers.

"Sam?" she called out timidly. The black wolf turned to her. "Can Jared phase back? I need…"

She thought Sam might understand, as the only other imprinted wolf. Surely he knew what it felt like to just need to touch Emily sometimes. He must have told Jared he could phase, because Jared was stepping a few feet away, deeper into the woods, and Bella tossed his shorts at him. He walked back out a moment later with the gym shorts slung low on his hips. She licked her lips, distracted for a moment, before her eyes shot back up to his.

He gave her the faintest flash of a smile before his expression turned serious. He stood next to her but didn't touch her, and frowning, she stepped until she was pressed against his side again.

He let out a long breath that sounded like relief and slid his hand up and around her shoulders. She inhaled his scent before she felt ready to talk to the Cullens.

Avoiding Edward's eyes, Bella sought out Carlisle. He looked almost tired, and maybe a little sad as he stared at all the wolves, and then his eyes came to rest on Bella. "We have several things we must discuss," he said clearly, and Bella thought he was only speaking this loudly for her benefit. "About Bella's future and what will happen with the vampire leaders in Italy."

"What about Bella's future?" Edward said resignedly, and Bella knew he was repeating Sam's thoughts.

"Once it was made clear that she… would not be joining our family," Carlisle began, and Edward shot a malicious glance at Jasper, who just raised an eyebrow and gave him a bored glance in return. "We were forced to contact the Volturi. I have held a long acquaintance with Aro, and to a lesser extent the other two leaders, and hoped they would prove reasonable. Bella has known of our world for almost two years now and has done nothing with the knowledge of its existence."

Jared's arm tightened across her shoulders, and Bella thought he might be trying to fight the urge to phase again. Not that he might lose control, but just that he was trying to fight the desire to do it willingly.

"There was no good alternative," Carlisle said apologetically. "Aro does not react well to surprises, and he eliminates what he perceives to be threats quite quickly. A proactive discussion was necessary."

"What was the result?" Edward translated.

Carlisle pressed his lips together. He clearly was not a fan of the resolution. Bella felt a thrill of fear that Aro would just carry out his original plan to kill her.

"Sixty years of service in the Guard," Alice said, stepping forward with light feet so that she was standing beside Carlisle. Her eyes met Bella's across the grass. "Jasper suggested it. A lifetime in exchange for him — _us_ — almost robbing you of yours last year."

Bella started to protest; she had long since forgiven Jasper. He didn't owe her anything. Jasper just shook his head, giving her a small smile and clearly denying her protests.

Alice took a deep breath. "Bella, I want you to know how sorry I am that I couldn't be the friend you needed me to be," she said. "And I'm sorry I tried to make you something you weren't. I _do_ love you like a sister. I hope you believe me when I say that. I'll miss you so much, and I hope you'll let me call or email you sometimes."

Bella's eyes pricked with tears. Alice had tried, in the bumbling, almost childlike way of a girl who had no memory of her human life and how to befriend people, whose only company for decades had been vampires just as far removed from humanity as she was. "Of course, Alice," she choked out, knowing Alice would be able to hear her. "I'd like that. I'll never be able to thank you and Jasper enough for what you did."

Jared made a soft growling sound from beside her, but he didn't speak up. He was letting her handle this the way she wanted, and she felt a burst of — something for him. Surely not love? Surely it was too soon for that? But something loving, if nothing else.

Alice gave her a sad smile, and nodded, stepping back.

"The other half of the arrangement is a promise to spend the rest of your life in the company of the wolves," Carlisle said, meeting Bella's eyes. "The implication being that if you exposed vampires you would place your own position as part of a pack of shapeshifters at risk."

Bella nodded, not having to think about that request. She had no intention of leaving them, now that she'd fought so hard to make herself part of the pack, to be with Jared.

Yet Jared must not have felt so confident, because she heard him release a long, slow breath next to her. He almost sank against her side for just a moment, so briefly she thought she'd imagined it.

"I understand," she said softly. It was such a small price to pay — not even a price at all, really.

"I believe that's everything, then," Carlisle said. "We will be leaving Forks this evening, and we do not plan to return. We will find another town in this region where we can stay sufficiently isolated from humans without risking triggering another generation of shapeshifters."

Bella's shoulders slumped in relief. There wouldn't ever need to be another pack as long as other vampires stayed away. "Thank you, Carlisle," she said quietly, knowing no one else in the pack was going to think it for Edward to repeat to him.

Carlisle nodded. "And we've left the house in your name," he said, as if it were an extraneous detail.

Bella opened her mouth in shock. "Carlisle, I can't—"

"We want to leave the area immediately, Bella," he interrupted smoothly. "I am sincere in our desire to cut all ties here as soon as possible. Please help us with that. Sell it, burn it to the ground, rebuild something on the land — it is yours to do with as you please. We've already removed our few items of sentimental value from it."

Bella opened her mouth again, and then realized how much the proceeds could help the pack, could help pay for their meals and fix up their houses and maybe even pay for college for them one day. She was too proud to accept the money for herself, but she would accept it for the sake of the pack.

Slowly, she nodded.

Esme stepped forward then, and her lip was trembling like she was trying to shed tears she couldn't cry. For some reason Bella found that unbearably sad.

"I was hoping to be able to hug you one last time, sweetheart," she said softly. "You don't know how much you've changed our lives, how much light you've brought in."

From Edward's drawn expression Bella thought she'd probably taken more light out than brought in, but Esme had never been anything but kind to her. She deserved a proper goodbye.

Bella squeezed Jared's hand and looked up at him. His expression was heartbreaking, but he didn't try to pull her back from the Cullens. He would let her do this by herself.

For once just letting herself feel instead of think, she rose on tiptoes and pressed her lips against his for the first time. The kiss lasted only a second, but she could feel the shock of the contact to her toes. Her own inhalation of surprise at what she'd done sounded more like a gasp.

"I choose you," she mouthed to Jared, her back to the rest of the Cullens, so that she could share the words with him alone. She willed him to understand, to believe her.

Looking down at her with eyes that had gone dark and needy, he nodded. She squeezed his hand one more time and turned back to the Cullens, crossing the boundary line and stopping in front of the Esme.

"Oh, sweetheart," Esme said sadly, and then pulled Bella into her cool arms. Behind her she heard more than one soft growl from the wolves as Esme touched her, but she ignored them. The Cullens were many things, but they would never hurt her intentionally. "I'm sorry you couldn't find what you needed with us, but I'm so happy that you found it at all," Esme whispered in her ear.

Bella blinked tears away from her eyes. In the less than two years she had known Esme she had had more maternal moments with her than with Renee. "Thank you, Esme," she said softly. "I'll miss you."

Esme placed a gentle hand on her cheek. "I'll miss you, too, sweetheart. Always. I hope you won't mind if I keep in touch with you from time to time through Alice."

Bella shook her head. "Of course not."

Esme stepped back and glanced over at Carlisle, who looked resigned but not angry. "I'm sorry," Bella whispered to him, knowing she must be letting him down horribly.

His somber expression changed to a kind smile, and he stepped forward to give her a hug of his own. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella. Please call me if you ever need anything. You're still another daughter of mine. That will never change."

Now tears really were falling down Bella's face. She looked over at Jasper, who had given her the opportunity to be free from vampires for the rest of her life, and she thought of Emmett and Rose, who had helped her take it. She felt a rush of gratitude toward the three of them.

"Emmett and Rose are spending some time by themselves," Jasper said quietly, as if he could read her mind as well as her emotions. "They had a bit of a disagreement with Edward yesterday, as you might imagine." Edward took a half-step forward and made a growling sound, but Jasper ignored him. "They send their best wishes."

Bella felt a wobbly smile take over her expression. She hoped they would contact her at some point. She needed to thank them again for her freedom, the priceless gift she had been going to throw away.

Jasper took her hand and kissed it, just as if she was a real lady during the era he was turned. "Have a wonderful life, Bella," he said quietly. "I'm glad you found what you deserved."

Alice came to stand beside her husband and tentatively held out her arms to Bella. Without hesitation, Bella stepped into them. "We love you," Alice whispered in Bella's ear before releasing her. "Please email or call, as often as you want. Life in the Guard will probably get a little dull."

Bella opened her mouth to thank her and Jasper again, but Alice just pressed a cool finger to her lips. "We wanted to," she said gently. "It was our choice." Then she and Jasper were stepping back, and only Edward was left, watching Bella silently.

She stepped closer to him so they could have some semblance of privacy within this group of supernatural creatures. A couple of the wolves growled again, but both she and Edward ignored them.

"Bella," he said hoarsely. "Please, tell me what I can do to make this right. I love you. Tell me what to change, and I will."

"You can't, Edward," Bella said softly. She felt no anger, just quiet conviction that she hoped he could hear. "And I wouldn't want you to, even if you could. You shouldn't have to change." She took a deep breath. "And I shouldn't have to, either."

"If you hadn't met that wolf —" Edward started, a flash of anger in his voice.

"We still wouldn't have had forever, Edward," Bella told him quietly. "Jared didn't change who I was. He just made it impossible to ignore my own thoughts anymore. I would have reached this point on my own eventually, only you and I would have suffered so much more in the process."

"Do you still love me?" Edward asked after a moment, and it was almost a little boy's voice.

She didn't have to think about it. "Always. But I've learned so much in the past week, Edward. And the most important is that love isn't always enough. We weren't ever meant to be together. I think the universe has been trying to tell us that since the day we met."

Edward reached a hand out, and Bella hesitated but finally took it. "I promised to leave if you ever asked me to," he said. "And I'll keep that promise. I just… I wish I could have been better for you. I would give anything to be what you needed."

Bella squeezed his hand, hoping he could sense her sincerity. "And I wish I could have been better for you. Thank you for respecting my wishes." Then she stepped back, and Edward slowly released her hand.

He searched her eyes one more time, but Bella knew he would only find resolve. Finally he nodded. "Goodbye, Isabella," he said quietly.

Then he was gone.

Bella felt her knees shake a little with the weight of what she had just done, and she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye, felt a twinge in her chest as Jared shifted on his feet. He was visibly fighting with himself not to cross the border and come to her.

Still feeling lightheaded, she stumbled back to him as fast as she could without tripping, ignoring everyone else. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he pressed his face against her neck. He was shaking, like he was trying not to cry.

"Jared," she whispered. She pressed her cheek against the crook of his neck. Her heart ached with the need to comfort him. She wrapped her legs around him more tightly so that as much of her was touching him as possible. "Jared, I'm sorry." She was, but she wasn't exactly sure what she was apologizing for.

He just shook his head and pressed his face into her skin harder. She probably smelled like vampires now, but he didn't seem to care.

"We'll be gone within the hour," Carlisle said, and Jared shifted around so she could see Carlisle without having to let her down from his arms. She wasn't sure she could let him go right now, even if he'd wanted her to.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around Esme, and Jasper wrapped his around Alice like they were sending her off on a cruise ship. "Bye," Bella whispered, lifting her head up just enough to say it. "I'll miss you all. Keep in touch."

Carlisle smiled, and it was a sad smile, but it was genuine. "Anything we can give is yours, Bella. You need only ask. We wish you the very best."

Then they were gone, too.

Bella was vaguely aware of the rustling as the other wolves slipped away into the forest, but Jared made no move to put her down or to try to follow them. She just needed to be with him for a minute, and he seemed to understand that.

He carried her a few feet to the nearest tree and slid down it so his back was braced against it and she was still pressed against him in his lap. He pressed his forehead to hers, and for a few minutes they just breathed.

"Tell me what you're feeling," he said softly. "It's too hard for me to tell right now."

"Sad, but also…." she said after a moment of trying to put her own floating feelings into words. "I feel almost like this was inevitable."

He kissed the top of her head. "You told Edward that maybe the universe was trying to separate you two from the beginning. Maybe you always knew that deep down it couldn't work."

"Yeah." She tucked her head back against his shoulder. "Jared, what if I'm not worth all this trouble for you and the rest of the pack?"

Jared's arms slipped around her waist and pulled her hard against him. "Trust me, you're worth it to the pack. And you're worth everything in the world to me," he said, kissing her temple. "And that will _never_ change."

For the first time, she actually let herself believe him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting go.

Bella couldn't seem to bring herself to let go of Jared, and he seemed to be having similar difficulty, as if the other would disappear the second they let go.

But they were ten miles from La Push, so she reluctantly let Jared step backward enough to phase. She grabbed his shorts and was on his back as quickly as she could move, letting out a long sigh of relief as she sank her fingers into his silky fur.

Finally, and probably for the first time in her life, everything felt right.

Jared was careful to move slowly through the woods, and she let herself relax and enjoy the journey this time. There was no rush now. The peace she felt was beginning to settle in her bones, and she lifted her head just enough to watch the forest roll past them, the misty rain she'd long ago stopped noticing coating the leaves and the tree trunks with a soft glimmer under the faint sunlight.

She'd never meant for Washington to become home, but somehow along the way it had.

_No_ , she thought, smiling down at Jared's wolf underneath her, though he wouldn't be able to see it. She'd grown to love the thick forests, but _Jared_ was home.

When Jared finally stopped at the edge of the woods, she saw he'd taken them back to Sam and Emily's house. She wasn't surprised. They probably had a lot to talk about, with the Cullens gone.

Jared crouched so she could slide off him, and she handed him his shorts for him to take in his mouth. She turned her back on him immediately, knowing that he was perfectly capable of phasing back naked in front of her. She heard a wolf-like sound of amusement behind her, but it sounded like he was at least taking a few steps back into the woods.

Jake came bounding out through the open front door, a wide smile on his face. She hadn't seen him smile like that in so long. He wrapped her in a hug before she had a chance to breathe, swinging her around wildly.

"You really did it," he said. "You really chose us."

"She chose Jared, dumbass," Paul said, stepping out the door behind him.

"Same diff," Jake said easily.

If Bella had been surprised by Jake's uninhibited smile, she was startled into complete disbelief as Paul pulled her into his own hug. She stiffened in surprise, but her arms wrapped automatically around his waist.

"I think you just scared her more than you ever have, dude," Jake said, laughing as he tugged Paul backward.

Bella felt Jared moving up behind her without having to turn around, and he pressed himself against her back and wrapped an arm across her collarbone. "Get the hell off my girl, dude," he said, and it sounded like he was only partly joking.

Paul held his hands up in a gesture of peace, but he was smiling broadly. Bella would have to figure out what she'd done that had actually made Paul happy for once. _Later_ , she decided, twisting a little in Jared's arms to look up at him. She didn't like not being able to see his face, his eyes that were at once loving and right now somehow possessive.

He smiled at her and leaned over enough to nuzzle her neck, making her giggle. A flush of warmth spread across her skin from where his lips and nose were touching her, and she squirmed but wasn't really trying to get away.

From the doorway she could see Sam's broad form, clearing his throat pointedly. "Can we hold off on the PDA long enough for a meeting?" he asked, but he didn't sound very upset.

Jared didn't pull away immediately. "I can multitask," he said, his lips still pressed to her skin.

Bella gasped as he hit a spot on her neck that made her knees almost give out, and Jared had to slide an arm across her hip to hold her up. She could feel his rich chuckle against her skin as he bit down gently. This time the flush rushed down her body and between her legs, but it felt too good for her to be embarrassed about right now.

"Meeting," Sam repeated with a sigh. "Living room. Now."

Bella looked up at Sam, having momentarily forgotten he was there waiting for them. Jake and Paul had both disappeared, presumably inside.

"Dude, you of all people know how it is," Jared complained, but he finally stepped back from Bella, slinging his arm around her shoulders instead.

Sam sighed. "I do, but you can spare an hour, Jared. Then you two can do all the… celebrating you want."

Jared gave a long-suffering sigh. "Fine," he said, and Bella let him tug her inside.

It was a strange sense of _deja vu_ , remembering just a few days ago, when she'd sat here, Jared just across the room, trying to figure out what had changed and why staying away from the pack had suddenly seemed so wrong.

Jared dragged her to the sofa and into his lap before she had a chance to protest, not that she would have. Embry was the closest to them, and he shot her a wide smile. "I'm glad you stayed, Bells," he said. He reached over like he was going to touch her arm, and Bella abruptly felt a vibration against her back, where she was pressed against Jared's chest, but not like he was going to phase. He was growling.

Embry grinned but pulled his hand back, not seeming bothered, and caught Jared's eye above her head. "So freaking _Paul_ gets to hug her and I can't even touch her?"

"Paul _hugged_ her?" Quil cackled as he plopped down on the opposite sofa.

Said boy, who was now sitting on a barstool shoveling a sandwich into his mouth, narrowed his eyes at them. "Just wanted my fucking best friend back," he muttered.

Bella thought she understood, then. Now that she was Jared's imprint, he had become an actual member of the pack, not just one in name. Bella curled up tighter against Jared and smiled into his neck, shifting to get more comfortable on his muscular thighs. She was happy for the two of them. She would need to make sure they had the bro time they'd been missing out on for the past year.

Jared's hands slid down to her hips and stilled her effortlessly. "Fuck, don't squirm," he said in her ear. A couple of the other wolves chuckled, obviously overhearing, but Bella didn't get it at first.

"Why…"

Then Jared shifted subtly under her, and she could feel hardness sliding between her thighs.

"Oh," Bella said, blushing. "Sorry," she whispered.

He brought one large hand down to squeeze her upper thigh in reassurance, but that had a different impact on her body, and it was very hard to resist the urge to shift again, suddenly wanting the friction between her legs.

"Shit, babe," he breathed into her ear. "You've got to stop or Sam's gonna get pissed at me for dragging you out of the meeting."

"He won't get pissed at me," Bella couldn't resist replying with a playful smile. She felt a lightness she hadn't felt in years. "He likes me."

"Just because Emily likes you," Jared said teasingly, pressing a kiss against her temple.

Bella felt the couch shift on her other side, and Emily sat down, her eyes dancing. "I do," she agreed. "But you two are going to make me blush if you keep at it."

Jared finally pulled away from Bella's ear. "Fine," he said with exaggerated reluctance. Or maybe not so exaggerated.

" _Thank_ you, sweetheart," Sam told Emily, leaning against the wall in front of the group. "Come on, guys, let's get started so we can get this over with. Most importantly, the Cullens said that they're leaving. I'm inclined to believe them. What do you think, Bella?"

She looked up, surprised to be addressed. "I think we can trust Carlisle," she said slowly. "I don't think he would lie about this."

Sam nodded. "I'm inclined to agree. We'll keep an eye on the area regardless. The one downside of them leaving is that it leaves the territory unclaimed, and from what I can tell, leeches like this area. We may have continual threats from nomads to face. As long as we can dispatch them quickly, though, we should be able to prevent new wolves from phasing."

The boys all nodded.

Bella took a deep breath and spoke quickly before Sam could move on. "You heard what they said about the house," she said to Sam, and all eyes turned to her. "I'm going to sell it," she said in a rush. "I don't want it. I never want to see it again. But you've all done so much for me, protected me, saved my life. I know I can never repay that. But my life is with Jared, now, with the pack, and I want to be able to help the pack." She took a deep breath. "So I hope you'll let me think of whatever I get from the sale as _ours_. For whatever anyone in the pack needs."

No one responded for a minute, and Bella blushed and pressed her face against Jared's neck, who had gone just as still as the others. Maybe she'd overstepped herself. Maybe she'd offended them. Maybe…

"Bella," Sam said hoarsely. Her heart sank. "That's… incredibly generous. I'm not sure what to say."

"I just… I want to be a part of this. Part of you."

"You already are," Emily said sweetly, placing her hand over Bella's. "We just don't want you to feel like you need to do that to belong with us."

"I want to," Bella said firmly. "Please," she said to Sam. "Let me. I never wanted to be rich. I just want to be part of a…family. To be loved."

Jared rested his chin on her head and ran his fingers through the end of her hair. "You are, babe. You really, really are."

"If you're sure, Bella," Sam said.

"I am," she said.

Sam nodded. "Then I know some rez guys in real estate in Port Angeles. They should be able to help us get it sold without your dad finding out."

Bella smiled, for once feeling like she was doing something that would help the pack instead of them helping her. "I should go see him," she said. It felt like more than a day since she had talked to him. When he'd seen her yesterday, she'd been engaged (though thankfully Charlie hadn't known it and she hoped he never would). Now she had… she didn't even know what to call Jared. Her wolf? Her boyfriend?

Sam nodded. "Anything else?" he asked, looking around the group.

"Just glad that it's finally over," Jake said, and then turned his brilliant smile on Bella. "And I'm glad you stayed, Bells. You don't know how much."

She shot her best friend a smile of her own. "Me too, Jake. Everything finally feels right." And it did. There were no nagging worries, thoughts, concerns that had plagued her relationship with Edward. No secrets and no fears. Everything was out there, and she loved everything she saw.

She rose reluctantly from Jared's arms and turned to smile up at him. He rose and wrapped his large hands around her hips, grinning down at her. "What next, babe?"

A smile broke across her face. "I need to tell Charlie that I left Edward."

He laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, we can wolf it to your house. I bet he'll be almost as happy as me about that fact."

She laughed. "Maybe more."

She'd expected to have to wait around for her dad to come home that evening, but Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich when she let herself in. He'd clearly come home over his lunch break.

"Got a real interesting call last night from Jake, Bells." he said blandly as she stepped into the kitchen. "Said you and Edward were fighting and you needed some time away for a while."

Bella nodded. That was one explanation for it. "Dad…" she started. Her eyes pricked with tears. She didn't regret anything, but telling her dad what had happened made it even more real. Made the fact that she'd changed her life entirely within a week undeniable.

Her dad stood up, his expression concerned. "Bells… none of the stuff we talked about yesterday… Edward didn't…"

She shook her head hurriedly. "No, Dad. I promise. It was me. I… left him."

Her dad didn't say anything for a long moment. "'Left him' as in…"

"Broke up with him. He's gone."

She didn't expect her dad's response to be a tight hug. "Oh, Bells," he said, and then grimaced. "Honey, I'm so glad. I know you'll probably hate me for thinking that, but…"

"No, Dad," she said, cutting him off. "I get it. It's fine. We just… I just realized some things. I wanted… other things more. I didn't belong in his world."

Her dad would never knew how true those words really were.

He stepped back, surveying her expression. "Do those 'other things' have something to do with Jake?" he asked her. "You've spent more time at La Push than you have in Forks this past week."

She bit her lip, considering her options. "It's not about Jake, Dad," she said finally. "Jake is important, but he's not the reason. I'll tell you, okay?" she asked. "But I need some time, first. I promise everything's fine now."

Her scrutinized her, but then nodded. He gave her another side hug, to her surprise. "If that's what you need, Bells," he said gruffly. "You know I always thought you were too good for Edward. I'm happy enough knowing you finally realized that. For now."

She nodded, summoning a smile. "Noted. There's a tribal gathering tonight that I'm planning on going to, but I'll be back by eleven."

Her dad gave her a level look. "And this isn't about Jacob."

She turned around to roll her eyes at him, her hand already on the stairs banister. "I wasn't lying, Dad."

He held up his hands. "Fine, fine. This _reason_ better introduce himself to me soon, though."

"I'm not talking about this!" she called in a sing-song voice, and she heard Charlie laugh as he walked back into the kitchen.

Jared was sitting on her bed when she opened the door, and she almost tripped on air. She shut the door quickly. "Jared!" she hissed. "You were supposed to wait! My dad could have—"

He gave her a smile that made her heart skip a beat and held out a hand. Trying to keep a scowl on her face, she let him draw her in and pull her down into his lap.

"Super hearing, remember?" he said softly, moving a strand of hair out of the way to whisper in her ear.

She shivered. "Still. Jared, he's _right_ downstairs."

"Yep, humming to himself and eating a bag of chips."

"What?" She sat up straight, frowning. "He must have snuck those in; he knows better than that."

He laughed against her hair. "Let him celebrate, babe," he said. "I could practically hear the smile in his voice from up here." He pushed her gently off his knee and onto her back on the bed and leaned over her.

She smiled up at him, achingly happy.

"I love your smile," he whispered. "You haven't smiled enough for a long time."

Bella thought about it, about how serious she normally was around Edward and the rest of the Cullens. They were so experienced, so knowledgeable, and knowing they were constantly fighting their own natures when they were around her didn't exactly make for a relaxed atmosphere. That was another item on the endless list of differences between them and the pack. An evening with Edward had been quiet, often solitary or close to it, serious, and always intense.

An evening with the pack was… loud. Effortless. Teasing. Filled with food.

"I think I'll smile more now," she whispered back.

Maybe she should have been expecting it, but she was somehow shocked all the same when Jared dropped his lips to hers. Her eyes fell shut and her hands tangled around his neck without her conscious control as he pressed a little more of his weight down on her. It was their first proper kiss, and she had the fuzzy thought that _this_ was the reason for it all, _this_ was why she had given up her eternity with Edward, this was why so many humans lived happy lives, if they felt a fraction of what she was experiencing.

Then Jared shifted his weight to his elbows so he could cradle her jaw in his large, rough hands, and his tongue twined with hers, and suddenly she felt like her heart was pounding so hard she thought she would die of it, but in a good way, the best way.

She'd never been kissed like this. It had always been brief, closed-mouth kisses with Edward. With Jake it had been a good kiss with the wrong person. With Jared, it was liked everything in her life had finally aligned, and it was perfect.

She was gasping, trying to breathe and keep kissing him at the same time, and at some point her legs had locked around his, trying to pull him tighter against her core, closer, always closer.

He pulled away from her lips when she felt herself getting lightheaded, but she had less than a second to gasp, "Jared," in a breathy voice she'd never used before he was suckling at the juncture of her jaw and neck. She'd never thought that kissing anywhere but her lips could feel this good.

Heat was rushing through her veins, almost making her skin spark with it, and she shifted under Jared, knowing what she was looking for on a purely instinctive level.

To her dismay, he pulled away after he had licked, kissed, and sucked hard enough that she was fairly confident she would be thoroughly bruised. She couldn't stop a smile at the realization. Something about being marked made her blood run even hotter.

"I've got to go, babe," he said apologetically, braced on his elbows again. His thumb traced her lower lip as she glazed up at him blearily. She felt… thoroughly kissed. Ravaged.

"Why?" she whispered, suddenly afraid. Maybe she was awful at kissing. Maybe he was trying to think of a way to tell her that. Maybe…

"Stop panicking," Jared said firmly, touching her cheek until she met his eyes again. "That was amazing. You're amazing."

"You want to leave…" she said, hating the insecurity in her voice.

In answer, Jared lowered himself just enough that their hips were aligned, and she could feel his hardness rub against the parting of her legs. It was the slightest thrust, but it made her shudder in a harsh breath.

"Let's talk about how much I don't want to leave," he said with shaky laugh. "But my parents are coming back today and I need to see them so they don't think I've run away or died in a ditch somewhere. Patrol's kept me kind of… absent."

"And now I'm keeping you away from them, too," Bella realized. "I'm sorry, Jared."

"Never apologize for that," he said, looking at her fiercely. He paused, examining her face again, as he visibly decided what he wanted to say. "I want to tell them about you," he said all in one breath. "But maybe it's too soon?" he said before she could respond. "You didn't tell your dad about me."

She hadn't thought about what Jared conclude from that. "I'm not ashamed of you," she said immediately, and was rewarded with Jared's immediate look of relief. And surprise. She was getting better at reading him, as well. "Just… how would it look to Charlie? He would think it was weird, or that I'd been cheating on Edward with you. I didn't want that to be his first impression of you. He would think it was too fast."

"Is it?" he asked, as if he was dreading the answer. "I know… you know I want to go the pace you're comfortable with."

"No," she said after a minute, surprising herself. "I think maybe one of the lessons that being with Edward taught me is that life is short. We already won't have time to do everything we want to do in life. I want to be with you. I _chose_ you. I don't want to hold off on… on _us_ just because I don't want you to think I'm a —" she blushed "— um, slut, or anything."

He laughed loudly, and at her panicked look added, "Your dad's gone. He left somewhere around the time you moaned my name."

"Oh my god," she said, covering her face with her hands. He lifted himself off her and pulled her upright, chuckling again.

"I could never think anything bad of you," he promised. "We'll go at exactly the pace that you want to go at."

She smiled up at him, at the full foot he held over her. "Yeah?"

He tilted her chin up so that he could kiss her again, and her toes curled in her shoes. "Okay," he said finally, pulling away. "I _really_ have to see them before the bonfire, babe. Do you — " He suddenly looked more nervous than she had ever seen him. "If you wanted, I could introduce you."

They were _dating_. Bella hadn't thought about it in those terms before. "Like I'm your girlfriend?" she asked, trying not to sound like an idiot.

He tilted his head at her, confused. "Well, yeah. I mean, you're so much more obviously, but I can't exactly call you my imprint in front of them."

"Okay," she said.

"'Okay'?" he repeated. "You'll come with me? Really?"

There was not a drop of hesitation in her mind. "Yes," she said firmly. "I'd love to meet them. Let's go."

* * *

Jared's parents turned out to be some of the nicest people Bella had ever met. Bella was sitting on an old sofa in the Camerons' living room, utterly relaxed, with a mug of hot tea as Jared's mother asked her if Jared was treating her right.

"He's sounded so different the past couple of days when he's called to check in, and now I know why," his mom said said, glancing at Jared, who was discussing something with his dad. "He can barely keep his eyes off you."

Bella took a hasty sip of the tea to try to hide her blush. "I have the same problem," she confided, hoping she was speaking softly enough that Jared wouldn't hear. Judging by the flash of smile that crossed Jared's face for a split second before he resumed his conversation with his father, she had failed.

"I'm not trying to rush anything," Mrs. Cameron told Bella. "I just have the oddest feeling about the two of you. Something that reminds me of me and my husband." A fond smile crossed her face. "They told us we were too young, you know. That seventeen was too young to know what we wanted. But some part of me knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that he was my forever."

Jared's dad turned back to Bella and his wife. "Are you being sentimental, darling?"

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Only a little," she said, her eyes a little watery.

He bent down to kiss her forehead, and Bella looked away to meet Jared's eyes. He rolled his eyes but grinned, too. "We're gonna head out, guys," he told them. "You two are going to gross Bella out."

His dad pressed kisses to his wife's cheeks with exaggerated kissing noises. Laughing, Bella rose and set her cup in the kitchen sink. When she got back to the living room, Jared's parents were standing at the door, their arms around each other.

Jared reached out and wrapped his arm around her shoulders with such familiarity that she was almost stunned at the simple gesture that somehow meant the world to her. Jared's mom stepped forward to kiss her cheek, and whispered into her ear, "Welcome to the family, sweetheart."

Bella nudged Jared pointedly when another broad grin crossed his face. He wasn't supposed to be able to hear that, either. He tried to assume a serious expression, but a pleased smirk kept threatening to overtake his lips.

They walked in silence for a couple minutes, and Bella knew they were headed roughly in the direction of the beach.

A bonfire was already blazing by the time Bella and Jared arrived at the beach, and Emily and what looked like the rest of the pack save Leah were sitting in folding chairs or on the sand while Sam stood at a portable grill.

"Bella!" Jake called, jogging toward her with an easy smile. Seeing him smile at her like that was almost as good as being with Jared. Bella turned to Jared helplessly as Jake tugged her away.

Jared frowned a little, but before he could say anything, Bella said, "Just for a few minutes, okay?"

Still frowning, he nodded reluctantly.

"You're stressing Jared out," she told her best friend as they walked along the beach. "I hope we're doing something important."

Jake shrugged. "Just wanted some best friend time, Bells. I'm still letting the fact that you aren't going to become a leech sink in."

Instead of scowling at Jake for using the term, Bella just rolled her eyes. She didn't have to play the mediator role anymore, and she wouldn't miss it. "You're enjoying teasing him, is what you're doing."

Jake laughed. "Maybe a little. I'll need to give him the 'you hurt her, you're dead' talk."

"I don't think he could if he wanted to," Bella said.

Jake's expression turned serious. "He never could, Bella. Not on purpose. You never have to worry about that again."

She remembered a cold September day last year, standing in the forest alone, stunned, after Edward had told her he hadn't wanted her anymore. How it had taken a few long moments for her brain to catch up with what he'd said, to comprehend that he was _leaving_ her. He'd said she was the only one he'd loved in a _hundred years_ , and he'd still left her.

Her eyes flickered in the direction she could feel Jared. He was leaning up against a tree near the bonfire the pack always set up, talking to Paul and Sam. He smiled in response to something Paul said, but his eyes were on her.

"Come on, Bells," Jake said, and she forced herself to turn to her best friend, catching the fond exasperation on his face. "You can survive without him for a few more minutes, I promise."

She wasn't so sure. She could feel her fingertips tingling, her fingers aching to press against hot flesh. To press against… she blushed and forced herself away from those thoughts.

"So what's up, Jake?" she asked her best friend, trying not to sound impatient.

To her surprise, he looked almost nervous. "I feel like a girl for asking this," he muttered. "But… we're still _us_ , right, Bells?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm not sure what you mean. Best friends?"

Jake nodded, still looking embarrassed. She smiled in relief. She'd been worried it was something serious. "Jake, I've only ever had one real best friend. That's not going to change because of Jared."

He let out a long sigh and nodded, looking like he wasn't trying to show how relieved he was. "Thanks, Bells. Um." He smiled at her sheepishly. "It _is_ me, right?"

She reached out to hit his shoulder and then remembered punching him once upon a time and breaking a finger and almost her hand against his jawbone, and she pulled back at the last second. She also remembered her heart breaking on that mountain, the kiss that had begged Jake to forgive her, to believe that even in the horrible grief she was causing him that life was still fundamentally good and worth living, and how less than an hour later she had been stumbling into Jared's arms — and her destiny — in her frantic rush to reach her best friend.

She whacked Jake's arm lightly instead. "You're my best friend, and that will never change," she promised him, the words binding herself to him in a way he would have once hated.

Instead, a smile lit up his face. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the magic of the wolves and how it impacted the packs' relationships, but it wasn't as if it was something she or any of them could escape, so she supposed it didn't matter in the end. She just chose to be grateful that Jake's love for her at last matched hers for him.

"I just… you're the only person I can talk to without it being broadcast in the pack mind," Jake told her seriously. "I need you, Bells. You keep me from going crazy."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jake," she said, squeezing his arm. Then she grinned. "Your secret love for Taylor Swift will die with me."

"Hey!" Jake said, but he couldn't stop himself from laughing, and just like that things were perfect between them, the way they should have always been.

Bella glanced back over at Jared, and saw that he wasn't even pretending to listen to Paul and Sam anymore, and was instead staring straight at her across the sand, bouncing on his toes as if he couldn't help himself.

Jake followed the line of her gaze and chuckled. "Okay, I'll stop cockblocking you two," he said with a grin.

Bella reached over to smack him again. "Keep your mind out of the gutter," she said, while her mind was already wandering in exactly that direction.

Jake chuckled, and she knew he could see right through her facade just as well as he always could. "Mine is, but _yours_ isn't," he said as they began walking back toward her mate. Bella tried to keep her pace at Jake's. For someone who always seemed to forget she was a foot shorter than him, he was suddenly walking ponderously slowly.

Well, one day he was going to imprint, and she wouldn't forget how he'd treated her. _Payback_ _'_ _s a bitch_ , she thought with a grin.

Once Jared saw they were walking back toward him, he pushed off the tree he'd been leaning against and met her and Jake halfway. "Okay?" he asked her, scanning her from head to toe, as if she'd been gone all day instead of fifteen minutes.

"Yeah," she said, staring up at him. She was vaguely aware of Jake snorting from somewhere behind her and then walking away, but it was sort of unreasonable to expect her to focus on him when Jared was staring at her as if she were the only light in the universe.

He reached out a hand almost tentatively, and she took it without hesitation and let him pull her toward him. He interlaced their other hands and bent down so that their foreheads were touching.

"We're still good?" he asked in a low voice, and the intimacy of the moment, standing as they were with most of the pack seeming to move away from them, made a bolt of electricity shoot through her.

"We're more than good," she assured him, and the words were sappy, but they were also true.

He smiled, and she let go of his hands so that she could press herself against his chest. She heard him inhale sharply, and then his broad hands came down to press against her lower back.

"Is this okay?" he spoke into her hair. The warmth of his lips against her scalp made her tingle again.

She tightened her arms around his waist. "Yeah," she said softly.

His hands skated down her arms, covered with just a thin jersey hoodie, and came to rest on her hips. His hands were warm and comfortable against her skin.

She made a contented sound against his shirt, and his fingers around her hips tightened, the tips of his fingers just skirting the rise of her bottom.

She jolted at the feeling of hands touching her where no one ever had before, and he started to draw back. "Shit, sorry," he muttered, sounding mortified. "I wasn't trying to—"

"No," she said, shocking herself as her words seemed to come from somewhere outside herself. "No, don't be." She stepped back into Jared's arms. He held her stiffly for a second, seeming to absorb her words, then finally let his hands slide down her sides and clasp comfortably around the swell of her hips.

They both breathed out at the contact, and then Jared did something she didn't expect. He slid his hands underneath the hem of her hoodie and tank top so that his hands rested on her bare skin. He seemed content to leave them there, seeming utterly relaxed as he pressed his lips against her scalp again.

But Bella felt like the ground had dropped from underneath her feet.

His touch was so simple, smooth, effortless — and something about the careless action made her heart race in a way it never had before, and her skin felt like electricity was rushing through her veins, and she decided that for the first time in a long time, she was going to do exactly what she wanted to do.

Jared seemed to realize that something had changed in her demeanor, because his hands tightened on her hips as he drew back enough to stare down at her, his dark eyes concerned.

"What's wrong?"

Bella's lips were trembling from nerves, and she didn't think she'd be able to get the words out. Instead, she rested her hands on top of his, interlacing them where he was still holding her, and slowly dragged his hands, still under her camisole, toward her stomach and then up even higher.

She could quite bring herself to slide his hands against her bare breasts, but she wanted to. She was certain she'd never wanted anything this badly, or at least in this way, in her whole life.

She slowly pulled her hands away, leaving just his on the smooth rise of her upper abdomen, just below the swell of her breasts. "Jared," she whispered, meeting his eyes. He was staring at her, and she couldn't read his gaze. He kept his hands exactly where she had left them, and his expression was a confusing mix of desire and fear.

"There's no rush," he said, his voice sounding a little rougher than usual. "We have all the time in the world. I mean," he added, sounding embarrassed. "Not to make it sound like you _ever_ have to want — you know, I just mean —"

He cut off with a strangled grunt as Bella gathered her courage and pressed his hands over her bare breasts.

The sensation of Jared's warm, heavy hands suddenly exploring the shape of her breasts, as if he couldn't stop himself, of his rough palms rubbing against her nipples, at first incidentally, and then intentionally, made her feel all at once like time was slow and heavy and languorous and yet like the seconds of her life were passing so quickly, that she needed to move, now, before the moment passed.

"I want this," she said, meeting Jared's eyes where he was staring at her as if she were the only star in the sky. "I want you. That's never going to change. And I want… you know. It all."

She shivered at the meaning behind her own words, but she didn't regret them. Edward had treated her desire for him like it was a slightly embarrassing disability, one he needed to endure and step away from if she got too carried away.

She didn't need to hide anything from Jared. He would just be hurt if she tried, and he knew her desires as if they were his own. There was nothing to be ashamed of. She wanted what she wanted, and for the first time in her life she didn't feel like she needed to apologize for it.

Except there was one thing she hadn't checked, and her mother had instilled in her the awareness of the troublesome double standards that existed in relationships between men and women.

"You…" Her face was on fire, but if she couldn't get the words out, then she shouldn't even be thinking of… Well. "You… want this too, right?"

"Babe." He pressed a strangled groan against her neck. "I've never wanted anything so goddamned much."

That did it. Bella felt like she was going to explode if she couldn't have him, if he stopped exploring her body, if he stopped doing exactly what he was doing — or, even better, if he sped it up — if he didn't take her burning desire and return it tenfold.

"Then come on, come on." Bella barely felt like herself, pushing his hands gently back down from her skin and grasping one of his hands, urging him into the forest, only vaguely registering what she was begging him to do.

Her nipples were still sensitive against the material of her shirt, and she already wanted him to touch her again, but she needed him to move more, needed him to…

She knew, she _knew_ the rest of the pack was somewhere nearby, but the awareness of Jared next to her was a buzzing in her brain that tuned out everything else. She thought she might care what she had done later, but right now she wanted to drown in this moment with her wolf until she could barely breathe.

"Babe, you're not…" Jared said hoarsely, letting her pull him along. "You don't want… in the forest…"

"Doesn't it feel right?" she asked, turning to look at him once they were deep enough among the trees that she couldn't see the beach or the pack anymore. Her cheeks were hot again, but she didn't drop her eyes from his. "Or is it just m—"

She was cut off by his mouth on hers, by him biting down on her lower lip — Edward would never have been able to do that, n _o, god, don_ _'_ _t think about him_ — until she opened her mouth and his tongue stroked hers as he placed his hands on her hips and gently walked her backward until her back hit the trunk of a tall pine.

"I want to treat you right," he said when he drew back so she could breathe, panting heavily. "So much. But I can feel how much you —"

She shook her head. She'd never needed flowers or chocolates or candlelit dinners.

"Then take me, Jared," she gasped out as he kissed her neck gently, making her feel freezing as goosebumps rose on her skin and like her skin was on fire simultaneously. "I'm right here, it's safe, take me, touch me."

"Fuck," he moaned against her skin. "Fuck, okay. Yeah."

She smiled through her haze as his normal articulateness seemed to be too hard for him to reach right now. Then his hot hands were trailing under her top again, and this time his hands weren't hesitant at all, and he pinched her swollen nipples between two calloused fingers, first one, and then the other.

"Oh my god," she whispered as his hands slid back down her stomach and under the hem of her jeans until he was sliding his fingers along her underwear. She'd never felt so hot and wet and aching in her whole life.

"Jared, come on, come on," she urged him as his fingers continued their gentle strokes on the outside of the fabric.

In response, he slid aside the thin fabric of her panties and then his fingers were there, warm and rough but gentle, and _oh god_ , he was tracing the shape of her and then he was _inside_ her.

"Fuck," he breathed out, and his movements were gentle as he started exploring her from the inside. "Babe, this is… You're…"

The back of her head was scraping against the bark of the tree, and she didn't care at all. "Yeah," she whispered.

His second finger entered her, and she thought she blacked out for a moment. He pushed in a little deeper, but it wasn't enough, it wasn't —

He froze, and Bella tried to concentrate on him and not just urging him to move his fingers again. "Jared," she said breathlessly. "What's wrong?" Had she done something wrong, something to upset him?

"You don't… you're not…" he started.

They were both being ridiculous; if they were going to do this then they needed to be able to communicate. "Tell me," she pleaded.

"You don't…" He slid his finger in even deeper, and the feel of him all the way inside her pulsing heat made her throw her head back in shocked pleasure.

He let out a long, slow breath, and she opened her eyes when he didn't move again, ready to urge him to keep going. "What?" He moved his fingers just a little more, and her toes curled in her shoes.

His eyes were serious, but his expression had relaxed a little. "It won't, um, hurt, when I'm… inside you."

She caught the relieved expression that flashed across his features, and then she understood. She hadn't known that her hymen was broken; it must have happened long enough ago that she didn't remember the pain, except to know that it could have been one of literally hundreds of times she'd fallen as a child, including hard falls she'd taken on her bicycle. For the first time she was glad of her clumsiness.

"It was all I could think about," Jared said. "Well, mostly." He shot her the playful grin that she already loved. "Now—"

She clenched around his fingers at the thought of him inside her, almost unconsciously, and he cut off with a strangled sound. He slid a third finger into her, and this time she really did moan. "Now I'm thinking of other things," he whispered hotly into her ear.

"Jared," she pleaded, her arousal ratcheting up even higher, "I'm ready, please."

A look of hesitation crossed his face again, and she wanted to scream in frustration. "There's no coming back from this, Bella," he said, leaning back enough so that he could stare down at her seriously. "The idea that you might regret this—"

"I'm going to love you, Jared," she said desperately.

He broke off. "What?"

"I'm going to love you. I know you're my future, and I know how I feel. I _also_ know the only thing I'm going to regret is if you don't let us be together they way we both want to be — right. This. Goddamned. Minute."

"Okay, fuck, yes, babe," he said, as that seemed to decide him. Suddenly every inch of him was pressing her against the tree, and then his fingers were hooking around the hem of her jeans, watching her expression carefully as he tugged them slightly down. She nodded — she would have been perfectly happy if he'd ripped them off her — and he took a deep breath and pulled off her jeans and underwear in one smooth motion, and then she was naked from the waist down in the woods and it was _perfect_.

"Shorts," she breathed, nodding at the basketball shorts he was wearing.

He was staring at her exposed skin, and she should have felt embarrassed, but it was hard to when he looked so awed. "Shorts," he agreed distantly, raising his eyes to hers. Then his lips were shaping against hers again, and she was pressed so tightly against the tree that she couldn't move an inch, and she could feel movement against her thighs as he pulled off his shorts.

"Oh my god," she moaned into his mouth as he pressed against her _there_ and she could feel him, hard and thick, sliding against her heated skin.

"Yeah," he muttered feverishly, his hands sliding up her hips and under the hem of her camisole and hoodie again, and then he was tugging them off her. He pulled away from her lips long enough to tug the clothes over her head, and then his mouth was on hers and he was lifting her by the hips, pulling her tight against him so her breasts were pressed against his bare chest, and she wanted him so badly she would have been happy with any stroke, any touch.

Then he was turning them around, so now his back was against the tree, and she didn't understand why until — _oh_ — he was sliding her down onto _him_ , and then he was inside her, filling what ached, and she had no words for this moment. Her mouth was open in a silent gasp, because no words would ever be good enough.

She opened her eyes to see Jared, who was staring at her rapturously. "It's more than I ever thought — Bella, baby, I can't —"

She was confused for a second until he lifted her by the hips again, just a tiny bit, then guided her back down onto him, and then she understood. This was the rest of it, the take and the give, the rhythm of lovemaking that birthed the world. She wrapped her legs loosely around his waist and braced her hands on his shoulders.

"Don't hold back," she begged him. "Jared, please, I want you, all of you, everything…" Her nonsensical pleading might have gone on longer if he hadn't raised her enough so that she was almost entirely empty of him, and she wanted him back immediately. And then he slid her back down, and then she knew the beautiful ache of it, the desire to be filled that was so much the sweeter when it was taken from her for seconds that lasted a heartbeat but felt like an eternity.

She could feel something building from inside her, and it felt different from the few times she had touched herself, something that felt more like her whole body was participating in this feeling. It spread and spread and she was trembling, and she gave up on trying to help Jared at all with the movement, but he didn't falter.

She was crying out, and maybe she'd be embarrassed about that later, too, but right here was only Jared and the night forest. He tilted her toward him slightly, and it changed how he entered her and also meant she slid against his lower abdomen more firmly during each movement, and that additional sensation was enough.

She was lost to it, to him and the magic and the imprint and the forest, and she thought she would explode and even be glad of it, if this was how it ended. She vaguely heard herself gasping out his name through her bliss, squeezing his upper arms, and she needed to know he was here with her in this moment, needed him to ground her: "Jared, Jared, Jared."

"I'm right here, babe," he groaned, not slowing his movements. She opened her eyes languorously when his movements sped up, and then she was sliding with him so fast that it became a constant buzz of satisfied pleasure inside her, not enough to take her higher again, or at least not immediately, but still a feeling that carried her, that she was so glad she was able to share with Jared in this moment.

Then he was groaning, and he captured her mouth again and held her still for one long, aching moment, pressing up against her, inside her, hard, and she knew that he was sharing the same pleasure she had.

Pulling away from her mouth, he let his head fall back against the tree, panting. "God, Bella, that was —"

She wrapped her arms more tightly around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. They were both slick, glistening with sweat. "Yeah," she whispered against his skin, and she couldn't see his face, but she knew he was smiling.

* * *

She and Jared returned to the clearing, her skin sticky from the saltwater where she'd washed herself off in the ocean before pulling on her clothes. She was grateful that Jared hadn't ripped them off her after all.

She'd been expecting the teasing, but she still pressed her face against Jared's side when the catcalls and wolf whistles started. Jared's arm around her shoulders tightened, but she could feel him chuckling in a way that somehow sounded completely satisfied.

"Doin' okay, Bells?" Quil asked her with a broad smile. He was lying on the beach, and he propped his hands behind his head with exaggerated casualness. "I was a little worried about you, thought you might be hurt."

The rest of the pack chuckled, including Sam. They were all horrible, horrible people.

"No, everything's good," she said, willing her voice to remain calm and collected. Jared made an indignant sound beside her, and she squeezed her arm around his waist. "Everything's great," she corrected, feeling her cheeks flare with heat.

"That's a relief," Embry said solemnly, and something about his tone and the fact that it was serious, soft-hearted _Embry_ who was teasing her had the rest of the pack erupting in laughter.

She searched out Jake's gaze as Jared led her to a clear space on the beach, joining the rough circle that the rest of them made. Her best friend's expression was unreadable, but when he met her eyes, he gave her a small smile and nodded.

She hadn't realized how much she'd needed his approval until she had it. Gratefully, she leaned against Jared's chest when he moved behind her, stretching his long legs out on either side of hers, and sighed in satisfaction as he pressed as much of his body against her as he could.

The others turned their teasing on Jared, who seemed utterly unapologetic and unconcerned about it all. She and Jared were seated next to Paul, who was ragging on him most of all, but Bella saw the light in Paul's eyes. He seemed more alive, freer, than she'd ever seen him as he spoke to his best friend.

Letting their words flow over her, Bella closed her eyes. Her clothes stuck to her in the salty wind, her thighs were going to be sore for days, and she had no idea how she'd explain why the entire Cullen clan had moved away yet again to her dad, but she had a pack and a mate now who had never expected her to change a thing about herself, her best friend still loved her, and she'd never felt happier in her entire life.

* * *

She made it back at eleven almost to the minute, startling her dad awake. "Everything okay, Bells?" he asked as he rose from the living room recliner. The baseball game he'd fallen asleep in front off was over, the announcers now discussing the highlights of the game.

Still riding her high from earlier and from the past day, she gave him a quick hug as she walked past him to the stairs. "Yeah, Dad," she said, grinning at his surprised expression. "Everything's _great_."

She climbed the stairs before he could stop her and stepped into the shower to quickly rinse the salt from her skin and hair, only pausing briefly to examine herself in the mirror. Her cheeks had more color in them than they normally did, and her eyes were bright despite the late hour. She glanced down at her hips and saw light fingerprint-shaped bruises where Jared had held her, and smiled in satisfaction as she pressed on them. She wanted a reminder of his hands on her body.

With a towel wrapped around her body and another in her hair, she hurried out of the bathroom and slipped into her bedroom.

Just as she could feel he would be, Jared was waiting for her, his back against the wall behind her bed, his legs stretched out comfortably along her quilt. He raised his eyebrows at what she was wearing, or rather the lack thereof.

"You don't need the towels, babe," he said with a grin. "I'll keep you warm."

"Yeah, and then my dad checks in on me and scars us both for life," she retorted, though she was tempted. Still, she stepped into her closet and grabbed a long t-shirt that she pulled on quickly, dropping both towels on the floor. She didn't put on underwear, justifying it as taking too much time. She really was exhausted.

She slipped under the covers and curled up beside Jared unthinkingly, the action as completely comfortable as it had been the night before. Jared slid under the covers beside her and spooned against every inch of her body against him. She sighed, her whole frame relaxing against him.

"'M never sleeping without you again," she said fuzzily, already being dragged down into sleep. "Even if it's a pain to deal with sneaking you in around Charlie."

Jared pressed his lips against the nape of her neck, and she felt a bolt of pleasure, even through her tiredness. "Definitely not," he agreed, his lips moving against her skin. "You can move to the rez whenever you're ready, and we'll never have to worry about anyone interrupting us again."

"Deal," she said, interlacing her fingers with his where they rested over her stomach. She rooted in even closer to him, and then she slept, and her dreams were of him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marked.

"I want to take you to my school dance," Jared said, pushing her hair off over her shoulder so that he could kiss his way up her neck. "Friday night, last day of classes."

Bella, who was pressed belly-first against the wall of his bedroom, gasped out a laugh that turned into a moan as he entered her slowly again until he was inside her fully, his chest pressed against her back.

"You have a — _ah_ — strange idea of dirty talk," she said, gasping as his hand snaked around her belly to trace where he was entering her, steadily in and out.

"I want to show you off," he said, pressing forward enough so that he could kiss her scalp right behind her ear.

She shivered all over. He'd found that place the second time they'd made love, and ever since he'd exploited it mercilessly.

"Have you even been in school enough?" she asked him. His free hand rose from the juncture of her thighs to trace the shape of her breasts, and she couldn't decide if she was happy about the change.

He chuckled. "Probably not, but they won't kick me out."

She pretended to think, and he continued his slow but steady rhythm, letting the pleasure coil inside her in a torturous spiral. "Will you be wearing a shirt?" she asked him finally, pressing her forehead against the wall and smiling.

He pushed against her tighter, and she gasped again as he picked up the pace just a little, as his skin felt even hotter against hers. "Do you want me to?" he whispered into her ear.

"Not really," she admitted. "But I think you'll have to if you don't want to get us kicked out."

"So you'll go?" he asked, and then his hands were tracing the parting of her thighs again, and she could feel her muscles coiling tighter as the intensity built.

"Not fair," she managed to get out between shallow breaths. But she was smiling again, and she realized she really did want to do this, wanted to be with him. Jared wouldn't care what she wore; he wanted her to go simply because he wanted her with him, not because it was a "human" experience that he thought she shouldn't miss out on. He wanted her to go because he was proud to be with her.

"So that's a yes?" he murmured, squeezing her thigh with his other hand.

"Yes," she agreed, and she was rewarded with the perfect rhythm, the one Jared knew so perfectly now, because he knew her and her body's needs so effortlessly. As she coiled tighter and tighter, she heard herself saying "yes" again, followed by a string of incoherent "more"s and "please"s and "Jared"s, and then she was flying higher than she had before, and Jared was there to catch her at the end as she fell back limply against his chest.

He joined her in pleasure a few seconds later, their timing almost perfect now, and carried her over to his bed and tucked her into his chest.

"I'm going to have to tell Charlie about you, then," she said when she caught her breath, and drew random patterns across the smooth lines of his pectoral muscles. "He'll think it's a little weird if I'm randomly wearing a dress when I leave the house."

"You don't have to do that, babe," Jared said earnestly, running his fingers through her hair. "Wear whatever you want, I just want to be with you —"

"Even if it was a red dress?" she asked innocently.

Over the past three weeks, Paul, and to a lesser extent the other wolves, had teased her about what ran through Jared's mind while he was phased. Apparently her strutting about in various red, slinky dresses made recurring appearances.

Jared's hand stroking her hair stilled. " _Who_ —" He cut off. "Paul. Of course."

"Of course," she agreed, pressing her smile against his skin. Jared's transition into a true member of the pack had been effortless, his previous distance from his pack brothers instantly forgiven, but one of the most positive changes had been Jared's reunion with his best friend. Their friendship had apparently always been built on a foundation of friendly antagonism mixed with mutual fondness that was inexplicable to outsiders, and they'd slipped back into that pattern almost immediately. Bella often benefited from Paul's teasing of her mate.

"And you don't mind telling your dad about me?" His voice turned hesitant, and Bella knew that Jared had always feared, even if just the tiniest amount, that she hadn't told Charlie about him yet because she was embarrassed about him.

"I think it's time," she said, tugging his arm more tightly around her. "He might still think the timing is too soon, but I'm tired of hiding the best and most important thing in my life from him."

Jared inhaled sharply, and then he was rolling her over, climbing on top of her and pressing his weight down on her in a gesture that she had learned over the past couple weeks. It was how he grounded himself in her, how he displayed his vulnerability and his love when he couldn't find the words for it.

He pressed his nose against her neck, inhaling again, and then raised his head, bracing himself on his elbows beside her head. "I love you," he told her.

He never said it with the expectation that she'd say it back; as with every other part of their relationship, he'd never asked or demanded anything of her. He just wanted her to know.

So far she hadn't said it back; she'd wanted to make sure she loved him because of who he was as a person, not just because of the bond that tied them together. But today, in that moment, she suddenly _knew_.

"I love you, too," she replied, and the words were heavy with meaning and at the same time light because they were completely effortless.

Her mate's expression lit up, and then his hands were cradling her face, and he was kissing her like he might never be able to kiss her again. "Thank you, love you, love you," he murmured against her lips, and Bella let herself be lost in him again, in his body and his words and his love.

* * *

Bella scowled at her father as he stood in the Camerons' living room, standing beside Jared's beaming parents. All three of them were taking pictures of her and Jared.

"Dad, you know I already feel ridiculous," she told him. "Mom doesn't need photos of me from every possible angle."

Her dad eyed her over the top of his digital camera. "Honey, if your mother isn't satisfied with the photos I take for your final school dance, I'll be hearing about it for the next decade."

That was probably true, so Bella sighed and wrapped her arm around Jared's waist, letting him hug her more closely to him. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a soft smile at the contact with him.

"That's _perfect_ ," Mrs. Cameron said happily, and Bella heard the click of two cameras and then the chiming sound of a camera phone taking a photo.

Bella opened her eyes to see Jared's mom showing the photo on her digital camera to Charlie. "For the rehearsal dinner," she said, not bothering to keep her voice low.

Bella felt Jared vibrating with laughter beside her, but she kept her eyes worriedly on her father, waiting for the inevitable explosion at the mention of his only child's potential wedding. She would never forget how awful he'd been about the mere possibility of her and Edward getting married.

Her dad's eyes flickered to her and Jared. Bella had only told him of Jared's existence a few days prior, but he'd seemed utterly unsurprised about the existence of a secret boyfriend, just satisfied that she'd finally admitted said secret boyfriend's identity.

To her surprise, her dad just looked thoughtful as he examined her and Jared standing together. He nodded and turned to say something to Mrs. Cameron in a voice that was too low for Bella to hear.

Judging from the smugness she could feel radiating off Jared — and she thought it was because she knew him so well and not because she needed their bond for help this time — Jared knew _exactly_ what her dad had said.

There was a perfunctory knock at the door, and most of the pack came bounding inside, broad smiles on their faces. "Hey, guys!" Quil called out in his usual boisterous way, leaning against the arm of the sofa. "Are you guys ready to get out of here?"

Embry, Jake, and Paul trailed Quil inside, Paul greeting Jared with a hard punch to the arm. They were all wearing button-up shirts and slacks, and they all looked completely ridiculous.

"Maybe we should take some photos outside before you leave," Mrs. Cameron said worriedly.

"Oh, that's okay, too," Quil said with a smirk. He raised his eyebrows at Bella. "Bella _loves_ the outdoors."

"Yeah, she's become a real nature lover," Jake agreed, and ignored the deadly glare she shot him.

"She has?" Charlie asked, looking confused.

"Oh, yeah," Quil said. "Right about the time, oh, she met Jared, actually."

"Trees," Jake added. They all looked at him, except for Bella, who hadn't stopped glaring at him. "The trees here are her favorite, I think."

"Well, I'm so glad the Pacific Northwest is growing on you, sweetheart," Jared's dad said, utterly oblivious. "We'd love it if you two stayed in the area when you —"

" _Matthew_ ," Jared's mom hissed. "We agreed not to push."

"Right," he said, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry."

"I think it's about time to go," Bella said tightly, pulling her eyes away from Jake and turning a dark glare on Quil in turn. They didn't even have the grace to look frightened. "Right, Jared?"

Still seeming like he was holding back laughter, he tried to nod seriously. "Yeah, babe, let's get going."

As Jared's mom _aww_ -ed at the endearment and hugged her son, the rest of the wolves rose to go, and Embry grabbed her light cardigan from the hallway and brought it to her. "Don't think you're getting out of this, Call," she hissed as he helped her into it. He gave her a wide-eyed, innocent look. "I saw you trying not to laugh right there with them."

"Aw, Bells," he protested, mock-upset. "You know I'm your favorite."

She frowned at him, then over at Quil and Jake, who were still smirking and looking much too pleased with themselves. "Yeah, well, right now you're not up against very strong competition," she said under her breath, knowing he'd be able to hear her. Then she was stepping into Jared's mom's embrace with a genuine smile on her face, and then his dad's.

"Have a wonderful time, sweetheart," Mrs. Cameron said in her ear. "You look stunning. Jared can't keep his eyes off you."

Even after being with Jared for several weeks, knowing he found her desirable and not trying to hide it was enough to make flushed pleasure rise in Bella's cheeks. "Thank you," she said, embarrassed.

"Quit embarrassing my girlfriend, Mom," Jared said, coming up and tugging Bella into his side. Just like always, the bond between them flared up with pleasure at the contact. They were never apart long enough or far apart enough to cause actual pain in their bond, but any return to contact after not touching sent a flush of satisfaction and rightness through Bella's body.

Jared's mom sighed fondly and tugged her son down enough to kiss his cheek. "Treat her right, son," she instructed him firmly. "Or you and I _will_ be having words."

Bella caught the grins on the other wolves' faces; no matter how mature they looked, they were still high school boys, and they loved getting to see their friends embarrassed.

Jared laced his fingers with Bella's, replying laughingly, "You never seem to worry about _me_ , Mom. How's that supposed to make me feel?"

"Like you should do what your mother told you and take your beautiful girlfriend out for a wonderful night."

The rest of the wolves chuckled as they joined them at the front door, and Jared inclined his head dramatically. "As you wish, Mother."

Bella glanced over to see her dad standing beside the door, watching her with a mix of fondness and awkwardness. Disentangling her hand from Jared's gently, she walked over.

"You look beautiful, Bells," Charlie said gruffly. "I'm proud of you."

Bella knew he wasn't just talking about tonight, but the way her life had changed in the past month. She suddenly found herself blinking back tears and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thanks, Dad," she said, hoping her voice didn't sound too tight with tears.

He grinned when she pulled back, and gestured jokingly to Jared. "Take care of my baby, Cameron," he told Jared. "She's the only one I've got."

" _Dad_!" Bella said, mortified at the unexpected sentimentality, but everyone else in the house burst out laughing. When she and Jared finally all piled into Quil's mom's minivan, they were still smiling.

* * *

"I _have_ told you about the fact that I can't dance, haven't I?" Bella asked Jared as he tried to tug her out of her chair after a dinner of pizza from the one place in Forks that would deliver, and onto the dance floor.

The dance was taking place in the school's cafeteria, and all the tables were pushed to the end of the room. The overhead florescent lights were turned down low, and there were posters and banners congratulating the year's seniors, whose graduation ceremony was the following day.

Jared smiled and just raised his eyebrows at her hopefully. Quil, who had acquired a girl almost as soon as he'd walked through the door, ducked down as he passed Bella, the girl clinging to his other side.

"We're not talking waltzing here, Bells," he said into her ear. "Look at how they're dancing now." He was moving away before she could glance over to where about twenty teenagers were jumping around to a heavy hip hop bass.

Well, _some_ of them were jumping around, smiling wildly as they moved to the music. A few others, all couples, were in their own universe, dancing not so much to the music as they were dancing _on_ each other. Bella could feel her cheeks heat as she saw one guy hold the girl he was with by the hips as she slid up and down against him.

"Aren't there chaperons here?" she asked Jared faintly. He'd turned to look at what she was staring at, and grinned at the question.

"Nah, who wants to watch eighteen-year-olds grind on each other?"

"Grind?" she asked, not recognizing the term.

His grin widened. "Come here, babe. Nothing like a demonstration to help, right?"

This time, she let Jared tug her out of her chair onto the dance floor. She immediately felt self-conscious, as if everyone would be able to tell that she didn't belong here, but no one except Jared was even looking at her. She could see Quil a few feet away, leaning down to hear the girl he was with, and Jake and Embry were talking to a couple of girls on the other side of the cafeteria, both clearly trying to seem much more suave than they were.

Jared turned so that he and Bella were face to face, and slid his hands down to rest on her waist, a movement of such familiarity that it was so bizarre to know that it had only been a few weeks. "I love you," he said, just loudly enough that she would be able to hear it, staring down at her with a loving gaze in his dark eyes.

She could feel some of the tension about her inadequacy relax. She _knew_ Jared. "I love you, too," she said, smiling. Maybe he'd just wanted to stand on the dance floor for some reason.

Jared smiled, and then before she could register the movement, he had twisted her around, so that his chest was pressed against her back. She was suddenly simultaneously aware of the thumping beat of the music and Jared's heat behind her.

"Now," he said, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "We grind."

Then he started moving to the rapid beat, pressing against her body in a way that made her skin feel flushed and electric. " _Oh_ ," she said faintly. She was pretty sure she got it.

Jared laughed and pressed a kiss against her ear. "Move with me, babe."

The fear of her own clumsiness came back, along with the accompanying fear that she would look completely stupid, but then Jared was sliding his hands from where they were wrapped loosely around her waist to her hips instead. "You can't do this wrong, I promise," he breathed in her ear, his innate ability to sense her feelings soothing her, as always.

Finally she let him move her, let the thumping bass become her new heartbeat, and for the first time in her life, she truly _danced_. This wasn't being guided along in a slow dance, so afraid she would make the tiniest mistake and disappoint Edward, convinced she could never live up to all the girls he'd seen in his century on the planet.

This was her pushing back and writhing against her boyfriend, who groaned and dug his fingers just above her hips, and it was irreverent and chaotic and beautiful in its own burning energy as she became one of many, of all the others on this dance floor and all the others who had left their inhibitions behind, and she felt like she belonged, like she was a teenager and that was _okay_.

She twisted her neck to smile up at Jared, and he leaned down to press a firm kiss on her lips, his hands tightening on her waist.

She smiled at him when they broke apart.

For the first time in her life, she felt _free_.

Half an hour later, she examined herself in the restroom mirror as she washed her hands. Her face and arms were soaked with sweat, her mascara was a little smudged under her eyes, her cheeks were flushed, and she didn't care at all.

Quil, leaning against the wall, grinned at her when she left the restroom. "Didn't expect to see you dirty dancing tonight, Bells," he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'm full of surprises," she retorted, and he grinned. Then his smile dropped as he saw something over her head and behind her.

"That's — Bells, don't get mad, okay? That's Kim and one of her friends. But Jared's trying to get away —"

Quil's voice faded away behind her as Bella felt something icy and calm settle in her veins as she walked toward them. She wasn't aggressive by nature, but if there was anything in the world that could spark her to it, it was Jared, and whom exactly he belonged to.

As she got closer, Bella recognized Kim from photos she had seen of various tribal events. She looked genuinely lovely in a pale blue dress. _I_ _'m not going to be the type of girl who hates other girls_ , Bella told herself firmly. Even if that was hard when Kim was clutching Jared's hand and stepping into his personal space.

Looking panicked, Jared stepped backward, saying something Bella wasn't close enough to hear, but Kim didn't let go of his hand. He looked over at Bella as he tried to tug his hand free, and Bella knew he must have been really distracted not to have noticed her sooner through their bond.

For the first time since Jared had imprinted on her, a spike of fear, of jealousy, rose in her. Kim was everything Bella wasn't: tall and curvy but still lean, with rich, flawless skin and shining straight hair that almost reached her waist. How could Jared not have loved her?

That stab of fear seemed to pull Jared out of where he stood frozen, clearly unwilling or unable to pull himself away from the two girls. "Bella," he gasped out, jerking free from Kim's hand hard enough that she stumbled forward a little. "This, um… I'm…"

Bella could tell Jared didn't know whether he should introduce her to Kim and the other girl, and abruptly Bella's confidence returned. Jared's ex-girlfriend _simply didn_ _'t matter._

"Let's get out of here," she interrupted smoothly. She smiled at Jared, and it wasn't forced at all.

He examined her expression, and she could almost feel him examining their bond, too, searching for her real emotions. But all he would find was love for him and a genuine desire to leave the dance. "Okay," he said slowly.

Kim started to say something, looking angry, but Bella turned a cool gaze on her, and Kim closed her mouth. Bella didn't know what her expression looked like, but she suspected some of her confidence that Jared _was_ and _always would be_ hers shone through.

Kim's friend said something to Kim in a low voice, but Bella was already turning away, back to Jared, who was still watching her uncertainly. "I'm sorry," he said as Bella reached for his hand.

Their fingers slid together, and the touch felt even more reassuring than usual. They were rejoined, re-centered like this.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she reassured him. "But I still want to leave."

"Babe, you shouldn't have to leave before you're ready to, just because my ex was being a bitch—"

Bella shook her head. "It's not about her, Jared. It's about us." Her lips lifted. "And how ' _us_ ' I want to be right now."

Jared caught the shift in her mood, and swallowed hard. She didn't say anything else, just nodded at Quil and Embry, who had rejoined Quil at the table. They shot her and Jared concerned looks as they walked past, but Bella just shook her head and nodded outside.

Embry didn't seem to get it, but Quil blinked and then started laughing obnoxiously loudly.

Bella rolled her eyes and ignored him. "Babe, you know my parents are home tonight," Jared said once they were outside, the swinging door shutting off the music and laughter inside.

"And you know I don't always need a bed, Jared." She smiled at her wolf sweetly.

His eyes went wide, and she could see the desire in them, reflected back at her, but he was trying to let his rationality rule. "We can't, babe, there are way too many people wandering around the woods tonight."

She took a step closer to him. "Which would definitely be a problem if you didn't have super-hearing."

She took his free hand as he opened his mouth to protest again, sliding it over her hip, down to the hem of her dress, and then back up along her bare thighs. He hissed, his protests abandoned, when his fingers didn't find fabric at the juncture of her thighs. Bella hated both panty lines and thongs.

"Fuck. Woods. Now."

"That's the idea," Bella agreed.

Without warning, he picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist automatically. Her dress was hiked up to her mid thighs, making them look milky white and soft in the moonlight, and she didn't care at all. The only person whose opinion she cared about was right here, and he wanted her just as she was.

"Damn straight I do," he muttered, walking them briskly into the treeline.

"I don't know how you can do that and I can't," she complained, even as her fingers began exploring the collar of his shirt, unbuttoning the top two buttons. He looked hot as hell dressed up, but naked… she swallowed.

"'Cause you don't need the bond to read my mind," he said roughly in her ear. They were almost out of sight of the school. "You always know exactly what I want, what I'm thinking. You're too good for me."

"No," she said, ending on a gasp as Jared dropped her to her feet without warning, pushing her against a tree and cradling the back of her head in his large, warm hand so she wasn't scratched. "Jared, you're perfect," she whispered.

He opened his mouth but she could tell from his expression that he didn't know what he was going to say. His eyes glittered with emotion, and she reached for him, wordlessly calling out to him.

He leaned down so their lips were almost touching, but he didn't kiss her and instead pressed their foreheads together. They were both breathing heavily, and this moment in the woods underneath the stars felt surprisingly intimate. "No, _we_ _'re_ perfect, Bella," he said softly. "We're _everything_ together."

"Yes," she agreed without hesitating. He was right. She didn't know what it meant that she was Jared's imprint, whether it was reward or punishment, but she knew that the bond that linked them together also made them something more, something _better_ , than they were apart.

And that realization decided her, tipped her over the brink of what she'd been considering for days, ever since Emily had explained it to her, telling her that she had decided to do it with Sam.

"Jared—" Bella swallowed. "I want you to Mark me while you make love to me." He inhaled sharply and started to pull back, but she clutched his hand and wouldn't let him step away.

"I want us to be tied together, forever," she told him. The human rules, marriage, meant little to her. Mortal bonds could be broken. The Mark of a wolf couldn't.

She could feel his desire to do as she asked pulling through the bond, interlaced with his desire for _her_ , and all wrapped up in his love for her. It was complicated and overwhelming, and her heart sang with love for him. "There's no hurry," he said, searching her eyes.

"There's no reason to wait, either," she said. Her mind was made, her path was set. As always, she immediately wanted to move forward once she'd made a decision.

She tugged him a little closer, and he wrapped one hand around her waist. He stepped into her personal space with easy familiarity and smiled down at her, his handsome grin spreading across his face.

"It's forever," he said unnecessarily.

Bella ran her hand down his chest and began unbuttoning the few remaining buttons. "That's the idea," she said, repeating her earlier words with a smile.

"And you're sure you don't want it to be someplace special?"

Bella laughed and rested her head against the bark of the pine tree. She closed her eyes and let herself feel the light dampness in the air, the faint sea salt on the wind, the breeze around her, coiling through the trees, and the deep blue sky, cloudy but with the brightest stars still able to shine through. "This _is_ special, Jared," she said, opening her eyes to smile up at him. "Can't you feel it? The woods are ours. Out here, everything is _right_."

"I can feel it," he said, his voice dropping low. Then he was on her, and she surrendered to him gladly. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, and this time he pushed her dress higher up her thighs so he could position her just so against his hips. She arched backward as he kissed her neck and collarbone and had to wrap her arms around his neck to keep her balance.

Jared took the opportunity to slide the straps over her dress down her arms and then unhooked her bra in one smooth motion. He kissed her once on the lips, firmly, and then pulled away and pulled the dress over her head and threw it on the ground before she could protest. Alice wasn't going to be very happy with her.

But that train of thought was lost when Jared pulled her tight against him, and her bare breasts rubbed against his now-open dress shirt.

"Take it off," she muttered against his mouth, between one kiss and before the next.

"You sure?" he asked teasingly.

In response, she snaked a hand down against his dress pants and squeezed firmly, between his legs. He hissed in surprise and pleasure, and she smiled up at him smugly. "Positive."

"You win," he said with a shaky laugh, and he held her up with one hand as he used the other to pull off his shirt and then slip out of his pants and boxers, and then they were skin against sweaty skin, which was exactly how Bella liked it.

"Fuck, babe, you're really sure?" Jared managed to get out as she dug her heels into his hips to get leverage to lick and suck at his neck.

"Yes," she whispered hotly against his skin.

Then he was sliding home, and it wasn't just a metaphor to her. Jared had told her it was like his universe had shifted when he'd imprinted on her, but for Bella it had been more gradual, as the bond had tugged her toward him long enough that she'd had a chance to learn who Jared was and how much she needed him in her life, how much better her life was with him in it.

And that she needed him every bit as much as he needed her, and that would never change.

He set a steady rhythm, sliding her up and down while their eyes didn't leave each other. Sometimes he pressed her belly first against trees when they made love, but usually he liked to watch her as he entered her, again and again and again.

She'd been hot and jittery ever since she'd seen him in his dress clothes earlier that evening, and pulling him away from another woman and into the woods had increased her arousal, her awareness of how painfully she was attracted to him, to even higher levels. So it didn't take long before her inner thighs were tightening, her breath coming in ragged whimpers.

Jared was watching her every breath, and she knew he would be able to feel her, to hear her heartbeat and her breathing, and she struggled to keep her eyes open to look at him. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

Her trembling becoming uncontrollable, she had no words, but she thought he could see the emotions in her eyes, could feel what she was feeling in his heart.

He smiled at her like she was the most beautiful thing on the planet, and as her heart swelled with love for him, she cried out, and then he was there, tilting her head with one hand in her hair, the other hand still tight around her waist, and then his teeth were on the side of her neck, his mouth wet and impossibly hot. She was in the heights of her release when he bit down, and he didn't hesitate when he broke skin and made contact with the cord of muscle in her neck.

The bite hurt, a deep throbbing sting that played counterpoint to the electric trembling from her belly throughout her veins, and something about the moment was achingly beautiful, made more so for the fact that she knew she would never be able to feel this moment again.

His teeth still in her, Jared thrust into her, and she smiled through the pain, and then he was finding his own release, finally pulling away from her neck to press his lips against hers.

She could taste her blood and didn't care at all, because it tied her to him permanently. He couldn't control imprinting, but she could choose the Mark, and she would wear its scar on her skin proudly until the day she died.

Because she was tied to exactly whom she wanted to be tied to, and she would never have to live in a world without him in it.

As in all the most important moments of her life, her gift with words failed her, and she just looked at Jared with eyes that were already wet with tears.

"Jared," she whispered. He pulled her against his chest, taking her weight fully. "I love you."

He pulled back to look at her with eyes that shone in the moonlight. "I love you, too. Forever."

"Forever," she agreed, pressing herself against him again, wanting to hold him closer, always. She hadn't chosen him originally, but she would be grateful until her dying day for the magic that had decided to give her a chance to know Jared.

Because that magic gave her the opportunity to know what it was like to feel complete by the other half of her soul. She would honor that bond with every breath in her until her dying day. Jared had given her this new life, and she was grateful for it every day.

And her life might not be eternal and never would be, but her love for her wolf was.


	11. Epilogue

_**(one year later)** _

Curled up on the couch, Bella smiled as she watched the boys load coolers and plastic bags with the food she and Emily had prepared that morning.

The whole pack was heading to a remote beach in northwestern Oregon that Sam had discovered a couple years before, when he'd been a lone wolf trying to run off his anger from his transformation. The boys wanted to try surfing, and the beach apparently had the advantage of being both remote and having decent waves.

Sam frowned at the boys, clearly concerned over his supervising responsibilities. Bella didn't think that they needed much direction packing food, but she didn't tell the alpha that. Instincts were hard to fight.

"I'm thinking we could take Leah out there when they get here on Monday," Sam said, turning to Bella. "She used to drive down to Mavericks in the summer to surf."

He seemed to need someone to explain logistical things to, since Emily had just left to pick up Rachel Black, who'd driven into town the night before without telling anyone she was coming, in what was apparently "typical Rachel fashion."

"Is Taryn still coming with her?" Quil asked innocently, looking up from where he was shoving disposable cups into a grocery bag.

Sam sighed. "Yes, Quil, she is. I'd tell you to cut it out in front of Leah, but I think I'll let her handle you."

"Come on, Sam," Quil protested. "Don't you think I'm allowed to find it interesting that Leah has a _girlfriend_?"

"You don't find it interesting, dumbass, you find it _hot_ ," Paul said, whacking Quil on the back of his head as he came back inside to grab more coolers.

Bella nodded in approval at the violence. She and Leah still weren't exactly close, but Bella had been the one Leah had confided to about her relationship and asked Bella to relay the message to the rest of the pack. Bella had felt protective of her ever since.

"Leah said to tell you all that if you say anything about Sam 'turning her gay', she'll punch you in the nuts," Bella added. "And you don't even want to know what she said she'd do if you weren't on your best behavior around Taryn."

Most of the pack shot her wounded looks. "Of course we'll be welcoming, babe," Jared said as he sat down next to her, looping his arm across her shoulders and kissing her forehead.

Bella closed her eyes for a moment and smiled at the contact with her wolf. A year later, and the peace and rightness of his touch hadn't faded.

Jared shifted a moment later, turning toward the front door. "Jake and Embry are here," he said, and she perked up. She hadn't seen her best friend in almost a week. He was constantly busy with the small mechanic garage he, Embry, and Quil had set up, using some of the funds from selling the Cullens' house.

She grabbed Jared's hand and tugged him outside, where Jake and Embry hadn't bothered getting out of an old Passat Jake was ridiculously proud of fixing up. The boys' heads almost touched the roof of the car. "C'mon, Bells," Jake said through the open window. "We're burning daylight."

"You just want to get to the beach first," she complained, sliding into the back seat, Jared following her.

"Alpha instincts," Jake told her smugly as he pulled out of the driveway so fast that she was thrown against Jared.

Her best friend's resentment of his birthright had faded over the past year, and he'd told Bella in private that he and Sam had discussed him gradually transitioning leadership at some point, but he didn't see any real need to rush the process. Right now Bella knew he was enjoying the freedom of being a (kind of) typical, almost eighteen-year-old guy. With the added bonus of getting to flaunt his royal heritage.

"Typical boy behavior," she retorted, and Jared chuckled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her tight against him again.

"How's the shop?" she asked, resting her head against Jared's shoulder.

Jake just groaned, and Embry turned around to grin at her. "Better, now that Jake's stopped being a Volkswagen snob," he told her.

"Everyone in your fucking town insists on buying American cars," Jake bemoaned. "Even when they're complete shit."

"Not my town anymore," Bella told him. "Don't put that on me."

Her father was still mildly horrified at her living situation, but Jared's parents had welcomed her into their home with enthusiasm. She was sure moving in with her boyfriend and his parents seemed a little weird from the outside, but her whole _life_ was weird, and Jared's parents already believed wholeheartedly in soulmates.

"I've told Jake touching a Ford doesn't make him dirty," Embry said, chuckling. "It also allows us to pay the bills and, you know, get paid sometimes, too."

"But at what cost?" Jake asked dramatically.

Bella laughed and kicked the back of his seat. "You're ridiculous. At least you don't have to drive to Port Ang." Jared worked with Paul and Sam in Forks and Port Angeles, completing smaller construction projects. They purposely got jobs with little oversight, meaning they could work faster than a human would be able to and be back on the rez long before nightfall.

Bella went with them as often as she could, usually sitting on the ground with a novel in one hand and a notebook in the other, working on papers for her online English classes and guarding the coolers from the boys until it was lunchtime.

She was still tired from finishing a paper the night before, since Jared had spent the evening thoroughly distracting her. She closed her eyes and let the boys' conversation roll over her. Jared turned to kiss her forehead, and she smiled, her eyes still closed, and slept.

Bella awoke to Jake's indignant swearing. "How the hell did they beat us?"

She shifted from where she had been slumped into Jared's arms and looked out the back window. Sam's pickup and Quil's mom's van were already parked on the edge of the woods, the boys nowhere to be seen.

"Remember how you had to stop and admire that Maserati at the gas station?" Embry asked him dryly.

Jake blinked. "That was only for like, a second!"

Embry rolled his eyes.

"That was like twenty minutes, dude," Jared said, chuckling. "You walked all the way around it. Slowly."

"Making approving noises and talking to yourself," Embry added. "And then you had to talk to the owner."

"Fernando deserved to be congratulated for his excellent taste," Jake defended himself as he unbuckled his seatbelt, sounding dejected. "Was it really twenty minutes?"

Bella got out of the car, the boys still arguing, inhaling the crisp ocean air and smiling. She would never stop being awed every time she saw the harsh, beautiful shoreline of the Pacific Northwest.

She felt Jared come up behind her and reached blindly for his hand. He clasped it, his warm fingers wrapping around hers. "Come on, babe," he said. "Let's leave the little boys to it and get down to the beach."

"You just want to see me in my new swimsuit," she said teasingly.

He picked her up between one step and the next, and she wrapped her legs around his waist automatically and ran her hand through his hair. "Well, yeah," he said with a grin, and then pressed his lips to hers in a hot, deep kiss as he kept walking fluidly on the path.

She heard catcalls coming from multiple boys, and Bella reluctantly pulled away, seeing Sam, Paul, and Quil's amused faces. They were all wearing swim trunks and had clearly just come out of the no-doubt freezing water.

"Okay, go away," Bella told Jared, her heart still pounding from the kiss and her legs still around his waist. "We're supposed to be here to socialize."

He laughed, pressed one more quick kiss to her lips, and let her down so her feet were touching the shell-studded beach. "Later," he promised, tossing her the easy grin that always made her heart catch in her throat. Pulling his shirt over his head carelessly, he tossed it with perfect aim onto one of the beach chairs without looking and chased Quil into the water to dunk him.

Bella rolled her eyes and walked a little farther down the beach toward Emily and Rachel, who were sitting on beach towels and smiling at the boys' antics.

Rachel rose to hug her. "Hey, Bella," she said. "Is my little brother with you? He was already asleep when I got in last night."

Bella smiled and hugged her back. She'd been re-introduced to her childhood acquaintance when Rachel had visited over her Christmas break. She had the same effortless good humor as her brother.

"He's somewhere back there," she told Rachel. "Arguing with Embry about cars."

Rachel rolled her eyes and turned to head up the path. "Does that boy ever talk about anything else?"

"Not that I've noticed," Bella called back to her, laughing, before she continued toward Emily and sat down on the beach towel Emily had laid out on her other side. "Hey, Em."

Emily smiled up at her and leaned over to hug her. Her long, dark hair was covered by a floppy white hat that protected her still-healing scars from the sunlight. The puckered scars that had once frozen the side of Emily's face in near immobility had been replaced with three thin, pale lines, courtesy of the plastic surgeon whom Carlisle had assured Bella was Seattle's best. Emily's pretty smile spread fully across her face now, and her eyes shone even more than usual.

She whispered in Bella's ear, "I missed my period."

Bella's mouth dropped open. "Oh, wow," she said numbly. "So you're—"

Emily's lips tilted up. "Maybe," she said. "In a few weeks, if Sam hears a—" she dropped her voice even lower "— heartbeat, then we'll know for sure."

Before Bella could respond, she glanced over at the sound of loud laughter to their right. Rachel had apparently found Jake and was cracking up at something he had said. She punched him on the shoulder while still grinning widely. She was so like her brother in that way, free with her happiness and wanting everyone to share it with her.

With a parting comment that made Jake and Embry laugh in return, she turned to Emily and Bella and bounded back over, her shoulder-length hair bouncing with her.

"Thanks for letting me tag along, Em," she said, plopping back down on her towel. She shared a conspiratorial grin with Emily and Bella. "For the eye candy, if nothing else."

Emily laughed. "I'm glad you came to visit, Rachel."

Rachel smiled, but for once she seemed a little sad. "I know I should come back more often," she said. "I love everyone on the rez, I love the ocean…" She grimaced. "I love everything but the moment I walk through my front door and my dad still hasn't changed a fucking thing in the house, and I'm just standing there like I'm a kid all over again, waiting for my mom to come in from the kitchen."

"Oh, _Rach_ ," Emily said, leaning her head on Rachel's shoulder. "Come stay with Sam and me, sweetie. We've got the guest bedroom, for as long as you want it."

Rachel chuckled, blinking away tears. "I might," she said. She raised her eyebrows at Bella teasingly. "Especially since that's what all the cool kids seem to be doing these days."

Emily laughed. "I don't think the Camerons' guest bedroom is getting much use, I'm afraid," she said.

Rachel grinned, impressed. "Sometimes you just know, I guess."

"You have no idea," Bella murmured. She shared a smile with Emily.

They turned to watch the closest boys, Seth, Paul, and Embry, splashing far out in the water, try to dunk each other. They'd apparently gotten bored waiting for decent waves.

"Do you want to start setting the food out?" Emily asked Bella. She spoke at a normal volume, but all three boys turned toward them.

Bella shook her head in exasperation. They needed to at least try to act normal in front of Rachel.

Paul was the first out of the water, his surfboard tucked under his arm as he stepped onto the beach and started toward them. He first turned his familiar smirk on Bella when they made eye contact, and while Bella was still rolling her eyes at him he grinned over at Emily and then Rachel.

Then he froze.

Every muscle in his body was tense and unmoving, and the cord on his wrist slipped down to rest loosely in his fingertips.

Emily reached over to clutch Bella's hand. Neither of them spoke, but Sam and Jared, who had been talking further down the beach, immediately turned toward them as if their mates had screamed out loud.

Bella watched in fascination as she saw the imprint happen from the outside. The tension between Rachel and Paul was heavy in the air, and Bella could almost feel their connection, the bond that must be wrapping them up in that moment. Paul took a half step toward Rachel, who was staring up at him with wide eyes, her lips parted.

Then Sam and Jared were standing beside Emily and Bella, and the movement in Paul's peripheral vision seemed to jolt him out of his daze. He took one step backward from Rachel, and then another, as if every step caused him physical pain. Bella knew it might very well be, but she also knew that Paul was ridiculously stubborn.

While Rachel watched him with confused, pleading eyes, Paul threw his surfboard onto the sand and stalked away along the rocky shoreline.

Sam made a sound beside her, and Bella knew that he was going to call Paul back. She rose quickly and touched his arm. "Let me go talk to him first, Sam," she said. "You take care of Rachel."

Nodding slowly, Sam seemed to trust her judgment.

Tossing a quick smile at her mate, Bella hurried up the slope after Paul. A year of outdoor walks and other… activities… with Jared had strengthened her legs. She wasn't any less clumsy than she'd ever been, but she had much more strength now to adjust her weight whenever she lost her balance.

She found Paul half a mile down the beach, sitting on top of a rock overhang, his long legs hanging over the edge. He pointedly ignored her as she climbed up the rocks and sat down cross-legged next to him.

Bella waited a few minutes, giving him time to think, and then turned to look at him. "Come here, shithead," she said. Paul's lips gave the tiniest twitch as he shifted toward her and laid his head in her lap. She rarely ever swore except with Paul, mostly because it made him smile.

Over the year since she and Jared had been together, Bella had learned to care about Jared's best friend as much as he did. She'd learned that Paul would never seek out help on his own, but if she forced affection on him, he wouldn't turn it away.

She began running her fingers through his hair, which was a little thicker and longer than Jared's (not that she would ever tell either boy that she had compared their hair). "Tell me what's bothering you."

He was silent for a long moment, but Bella had always been good with silence. She waited him out.

"I don't like how much I like her," he said finally. "I don't even know her."

"I thought you did," Bella said, surprised. "I know you're a few years younger, but still—"

She didn't have to see his face to know he was scowling. "Fine, I've met her a few times. But it's still not natural."

Bella twisted a handful of his hair and tugged gently. "And turning into a giant wolf is?"

"It's different."

She was the one silent for a while. "It probably sucked to turn into a wolf in the beginning, right? It was scary, it felt weird. Unnatural."

"Yeah," he said cautiously.

"But you got used to it. It's just part of your life now. Our lives aren't like other people's, Paul. They _can't_ be. You can't ever not turn into a wolf. And now you can't ever not love Rachel."

He didn't respond, and she resumed stroking his hair.

"I'm biased, obviously, since I chose Jared. But I've never regretted it. Not for an instant. Does it matter that our relationship started with a weird supernatural bond? I don't know. But I know I'm happy _now_ , and I'm never going to stop being happy with Jared. You can't stop the imprint, Paul, any more than Jared could. We can't go back and change the past, so shouldn't we just be happy with the present, and the future?"

They both sat in silence for several minutes, Bella smoothing Paul's hair and staring out over the white-capped waves crashing into the beach.

"You're weirdly wise, for a nineteen-year-old girl," Paul said finally.

She giggled. "You're just plain weird for a barely eighteen-year-old werewolf," she said. "Are you panicking less now?"

He sighed. "Yeah." Then he grinned at her, upside down. "You know you'll always be my girl, right?"

"Yeah, right," she said with a laugh. "You just put up with me because of Jared."

"Do not." He sat up suddenly and twisted around to kiss her cheek wetly.

"Ew! Paul!" He got up more quickly than she could ever hope to move, laughing as she tried to kick him in the ankles and missing completely.

"Gotta run, Swan, I've got a girl to woo!" he shouted over his shoulder, laughing as he jogged away, back toward the beach. Bella could see Rachel sitting in the distance, now surrounded by the rest of the pack. She had turned to watch Paul come back to her. Like he always would. "Thanks, babe!"

"Fuck off, Lahote," Bella muttered as she wiped off her cheek, knowing he would still be able to hear her. He just laughed again, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling, too.

Rising slowly, she let herself enjoy the cooler ocean-scented breeze mixing with the warmth of the sun as she walked slowly back down the beach. She searched her mind for the pull of her bond, the process effortless by now, and followed it away from the coastline and toward the edge of the woods, where Jared was standing with Seth, Jake, and Embry, as if to give the others space.

Farther down the beach, Bella could Sam kneeling on the sand in front of Emily and a still-stunned looking Rachel. Paul was standing hesitantly in front of his imprint as Sam spoke, though Bella wasn't close enough to hear his words.

She stepped into Jared's side, and his returning smile at seeing her quickly turned into a frown. She knew he had caught Paul's scent on her cheek, and he stopped in the middle of his conversation with the others and slipped his fingers through her hair to hold her head still and a little tilted to the side. Then he leaned over to lick a long line from her jaw to her temple.

She scowled as she heard the others cackling and then wandering away, but endured it. Paul had known exactly what would happen.

She looked around Jared so that she could glare at Paul, but he was talking to Rachel now. Even out of earshot Bella could tell it was in that naturally annoying and charming way he had, funny and cocky all at once. It seemed to be working, as the wariness and confusion in Rachel's expression finally turned into a true smile.

Jared finally pulled away from Bella, looking satisfied that Paul's scent was covered, but he didn't let go of her hair. He let his lips just barely brush hers, and Bella's annoyance was gone just like that. "Mine," he murmured against her lips, and then he was kissing her, that same tongue that had just marked her skin now marking the inside of her mouth.

She twisted in Jared's arms, trying desperately to get her hands on him, and he let her move enough to trace her fingers down his bare chest, feeling his muscles tighten under her fingertips.

"Let's walk," she whispered when they pulled apart to breathe, suddenly knowing the time was right. She had learned to accept the bond's messages, to trust that a force greater than herself knew what was right better than she did.

Jared nodded easily, sliding his hand down her arm until their fingers were interlaced, and they began walking farther down the shoreline, away from the group.

"I ordered a dress today," Bella told him when she was certain they were out of earshot. Alice had actually picked it out and emailed her the link for her approval, but Jared didn't need to know that.

He tilted his head in confusion. He knew perfectly well how little she cared about shopping.

"A red one," she elaborated. "Pretty but not too fussy, which is good, since I plan to be barefoot when I wear it. I think you'll like it."

"Did I forget that you're going somewhere?" he asked, looking concerned. "Is this something I'm taking you to?"

She grinned, unable to keep a straight face any longer. "I'm going to Second Beach, yes. And I certainly hope you'll be there. It's your wedding, too, after all."

She had the distinct pleasure of seeing her mate completely speechless for a full ten seconds. Then the most beautiful smile she had ever seen crossed his face, and he tackled her to the sand, pressing kisses to her nose, her lips, her cheeks.

"Are you serious, babe?" he said between kisses. "Please tell me you aren't joking."

She giggled and pressed her hands against either side of his head, holding him still so that she could stare up into his beautiful eyes. "I've never been more serious. I want to be your wife."

He pressed his face into her neck for a minute, and she thought he was trying not to cry. And that made her want to cry.

"I want _everything_ with you, Jared. I choose you, and I want everyone to know that I choose you." She sounded embarrassingly stuffy at the end of that.

Jared lifted his head and pressed her hard into the sand, grounding himself in her as he always did when he was overwhelmed. She knew she would have sand all in her clothes later and didn't care at all.

After a minute he propped himself up on his forearms so he could kiss her, and she let herself get lost in him as she had from their very first kiss, biting his lower lip and tasting him and feeling his lips moving softly against hers.

He finally pulled away and stared down at her, his eyes bright with tears. "I just… I still sometimes think I'm living in a dream, that you really chose the Cullens over me. Or that you'll wake up and realize you've made a terrible mistake, and that you're tied to me forever."

"Jared…" she breathed, arching her back to kiss him again. "I will _never_ regret my decision. A lifetime with you is worth infinitely more than an eternity without you."

His smile lit up his face, and he kissed her again, showing her the infinite depths of his love for her with his lips and his body and the words of love pressed against her skin that came from the depths of his soul.

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POTENTIALLY BORING FINAL AUTHOR NOTES (Feel free to ignore):
> 
> 1) I spent a LOT of time researching Quileute wedding customs… aaand historically they didn't really have any. It was super casual, with variations of the groom bringing presents, basically "buying" his future bride, and when they started living together it meant they were married. That fact, plus the fact that most Quileutes today are variations of Indian Shakers or Protestants mean that Bella and Jared will have a fairly typical American wedding ceremony (no cool ceremonial dresses or anything that other fics have. I just can't find any evidence of anything like that existing in Quileute culture).
> 
> 2) Also, I honestly think I've spent more time researching the Quileute tribe and La Push than Stephenie Meyer did. For example, the Jared not noticing Kim for ten years thing — do you know how many kids attend the Quileute Tribal School in La Push? One hundred from grades K-12. One. Hundred. That's fewer than eight students per grade. Do you think there's any _possible_ way any student couldn't have known one of the other _seven_ people in his class after seeing them every day at school for ten years?
> 
> 3) Can you tell I have a soft spot in my heart for Paul? Haha. If anyone's curious, my headcanon (can I have headcanon for my own fic?) is that if imprinting didn't exist, Bella and Paul would have made a good match. But because of the imprinting bond, not only was this not an option (even assuming Edward was out of the picture for whatever reason), they're too bound by the magic of the bond to even really be sad about it. There's just this lingering, faint feeling of _what if_ that both of them have from time to time. Is this better or worse than imprinting? I honestly don't know. But like Bella says, they're happy the way they are now having imprinted, and they can't change that, so what's the point of worrying about what might have been?
> 
> 4) I REALLY wanted to give Bella a chance to basically propose her own wedding, haha. I hate how in canon she's continually pushed into it. I wanted this to be something in her control in this fic, and that she would propose when she was ready.
> 
> 5) Finally, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who read this, reviewed this, and (hopefully) enjoyed it. Even if you didn't have time to review the other chapters, I would be eternally grateful if you could let me know what you thought of the now-completed fic.


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